TLDR: Need advice on how to convince my ex girlfriend that I have really changed for the better
My (19M) girlfriend (20F) broke up with me 1 week back and I’m just dying without her. I’ll give you the background.
We had been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. Everything was so good until I moved to a new country 10 months ago as an international student and it changed my life upside down. I just got really busy into my work and college life that even though we had a good beginning, I started cutting our time involuntarily. I really had no choice but to work extra hard on my studies (computer programming which I had 0 experience in). I was depressed from within regarding my college, took external tuitions and worked my ass off at minimum wage part time jobs 5 days a week. Even still we used to call daily at night and sleep together on discord. We texted all day whenever I got time but it’s reasonable for her to start feeling neglected.
I was just so helpless because I spent hours in public transit and had lengthy assignments and projects along with attending to my family back in my home country which gave me negligible time for myself. I thought she always had my back because we were just so much in love. She recently broke up with me because we had a disagreement on a very stupid thing (I joked about a thing she didn’t like) and it turned into her being rude with me which I immediately set clear is not good. She broke up with me because of the reason “we aren’t happy with each other” but I was so much in shock. I thought we were supposed to work on things together in a relationship to overcome them because we cared and loved each other so much. From how she talks nowadays it feels like she had been secretly resenting me.
She said I gave her less attention and used to send her very less selfies while she used to send me them daily. I just had my insecurities and I’ve never been a camera person but I still tried coming out of my comfort zone for her by turning my camera on during calls for some time and trying to increase my frequency of sending her selfies. This is the only reason she’s giving up on me and I just feel so alone. We have been talking after the breakup because she allowed us to be just friends. But she very clearly knows how much I still love her and I was begging her to take me back. It’s so hard for me to believe she gave up on me even though we had a future vision together. I love her so much and cant imagine being away from her but she told me today that I should have no hope for our future which just broke me completely.
I have everything that I fought for after coming to this country like getting a good GPA and securing a really good internship but without her everything feels pointless. She had issues too and used to mess up all the time we were together but I always forgave her while encouraging her to work on us together. Everything seems so pointless now and I cannot get over the fact that she gave up on me and even though I have changed by giving her attention and understanding her feelings, she just claims it’s too late. I don’t know how to forget her i just love her too much to give up on her. We talk like friends and I have made my feelings known to her but she’s admant to judge me on my past when I was under the worst circumstances.
5 comments
You can’t really do anything to get her back, odds are she has been thinking about ending it for awhile, usually breakups from long relationships aren’t impulsive decisions. It will hurt though, a lot. It will eventually get better and you will meet other people and probably someone you love more. It’s difficult for relationships to move from adolescents to early adulthood, and even more difficult when long distance.
I’m sorry it hurts, but you won’t be able to move on if you keep in contact with her. It sounds like you were in contact fairly often, so while I don’t necessarily buy her excuse for breaking up, it doesn’t really matter….she just does not want to be with you anymore.
Focus on friendships, don’t contact her, with time you will start to feel better
The back story is irrelevant so I didn’t read it, you can’t act or think like that otherwise your not gonna attract anybody. Try going to get a six pack at the gym and see if you still feel helpless
>I have everything that I fought for after coming to this country like getting a good GPA and securing a really good internship but without her everything feels pointless.
You are just 19. Don’t build your life around 1 person. Improvements for your own life not for someone else.
Time to move on. Take this experience and learn from it.
Stop communication. Do something productive to keep busy. Get on with your life.