My bf and I have been together for about 7 months. We met as roommates then hooked up and started dating. So we live together with 3 other roommates. He is a lot less experienced than me in the romance world, he really never let me talk about my past relationships or anything. I have a friend rick that i went on one date with but that was it, we have been friends since and kinda keep in touch but I havent seen him in months since my bf and I started dating. Rick sometimes texts me to see what I am up to, I never respond. One sunday afternoon rick texted me and my bf got mad when he saw a guys name pop up on my phone. I told my bf that I dont hangout with him and that he just randomly will text him like once a month. The next morning I open my phone to Rick and I’s convo- it was like the 6th to last convo I had that night so I could tell my bf went through my messages (he knows my iphone password). I realized I kinda messed up by maybe not really telling rick that I had a bf now and he shouldnt text me anymore so I let it slide. Two weeks later, which was last night, I caught my boyfriend going through the exact same convo with rick from two weeks ago. meaning he opened my phone and scrolled pretty far down my messages to read them. I called him out, he started crying and apologizing. Said he trusts me but has trust issues from the past, that he knows its his fault. I forgave him, but today i cant look at him the same way. I went to change my phone password this morning and it gave me a sick feeling that this is what I have to do to get my bf to not go through my phone. I love him but something doesnt feel the same.
tl;dr: caught bf going through my phone
5 comments
I have a friend who had literally the exact same situation
They dated 6 months, she caught him on her phone twice. She ended it and I encouraged it.
He doesn’t trust you nor does he respect your right to privacy, on top of being extremely jealous. That’s not attractive in a partner.
What is HE doing to work on HIS shit?
Because it is NOT on you to manage HIS insecurities.
It’s not right, but I absolutely went thru my husbands emails before we were married.
I’m married over 15 years. Phones weren’t your lifeline, emails were.
My previous boyfriend, I thought we were going to get married. Not only did we break up, when he got engaged I found out he was cheating on me with her. Because his wedding website dates didn’t add up. And my best friend realized this, because we were all in the same friend group.
Anyway, that situation completely blindsided me and I just wanted to make sure my husband has clean hands.
>. I called him out, he started crying and apologizing. Said he trusts me but has trust issues from the past, that he knows its his fault
Yes, it’s his fault. So what is he going to do to fix it?
Step one: you lock your phone with a new password BF does not get, ever. He’s blown that privilege.
Step two: BF owns his trust issues as something worth fixing, and starts therapy.
Change your password. He shouldn’t have access to your phone.
Just because your boyfriend is inexperienced in the romance department doesn’t mean he gets to be controlling. No male friend is ever “allowed” to text you? That is ridiculous. Sure, if a male friend is texting you excessively, that would be a valid concern. But just because you have a boyfriend doesn’t mean you must cut contact with all of your male friends.
He went through your phone *twice* because he saw that another guy had texted you. IMO, you should cut him loose, but if you don’t want to do that, note that what he did is a massive red flag.