I’ve recently moved to China and I had a positive interaction with a lady in my apartment building. Because of that, she’s brought me dumplings as a thank you. I’ve also been invited to dinner next week at her family’s place.
Usually, when I’m invited somewhere, I just take a bottle of wine or some chips with, but that’s because all of my friends are mid-late 20s.
This lady and her husband are probably mid 30s. They have a 4-5 year old daughter, and the granny also lives there. I want to be a good guest and not show up empty handed, but I’m not very good at cooking.
I’m in a “bachelor pad”, so my apartment isn’t very decked out. I have a gas stove and some pots and pans. Do I try to make a dish to take with me? Do I take candies for the kid? Do I take anything at all?
6 comments
This might be a better question for a China-related subreddit, as most of us aren’t sure of the customs of the country related to this.
If it were in the USA, however, a bottle of wine would still be a nice gift. A box of chocolates or some sort of appetizer (crackers/cheese/meat), even one you can buy at the local store, might work as well, which can be enjoyed by everyone. It might require you to do some work in putting it onto a plate, but that doesn’t require much more skill than cutting and making it look somewhat nice.
I would ask your neighbor what’s customary since you’re new to China. They might really appreciate that.
Being that tipping isn’t seen as complimentary everywhere, you might insult them if you bring something as though they can’t be a good host.
In China’s, it’s the perceived value that’s important.
Buying ‘western’ stuff might be the way to go. You have a better idea of what’s good. And from their perspective, your gift has the added value of being ‘endorsed’ by a westerner.
Wine is a solid and safe choice.
Getting a gift for the child would also be seen very favourably.
As a Chinese person (but I’ve lived away for a long time), the best thing might be some fruit particularly if it’s high quality/hard to get (etc). Otherwise, perhaps a more modern thing to bring might be some sort of dessert.
Edit: might be worth asking in advance if they have any allergies.
I agree about asking in a China-related subreddit. I for one have no special knowledge of Chinese culture, but I have given many hostess gifts in the US and elsewhere.
I would not bring cooked food to someone giving me dinner. Hosts have a menu planned, and bringing food can lead to an awkward situation. That said, an elegant cake or chocolates are almost always welcome in any culture I’ve been in.
In my opinion, alcohol has become more treacherous now that many are avoiding it. I only bring to people I know well and whose tastes I know.
Flowers have been welcome everywhere I’ve been (US and Europe). But different cultures look at different types and colors of flowers differently. For example, I believe that in China, chrysanthemums are used to remember the dead — not a good hostess gift. Is there a flower shop near you where you could ask for advice?
The best thing is to ask a local what kinds of gift are customary. Is that possible?
Just for info: the reason why I haven’t asked a Chinese subreddit is because although they are Chinese, they are well travelled. The mom speaks especially good English. For all intents, this is a “western” dinner. Not a Chinese dinner. (Although we will be having dumplings)