Hello, hope you are doing well, I just wanted to get other people’s opinion and help me understand the situation a little bit more.
I’m 30M friend with 27F since college, I’m trying maintain the friendship by trying new thing snd going to new places together but she keeps saying no thank you, you go and tell me how it went, but how does a friend work with just a review of something and not actively doing things together
I guess I’m mainly asking the meaning of friendship. The long story short is i keep asking a friend to do stuff together hang out, see s movie, try something new, and most of the time she responds with no thank you, you do it and tell me how it is or how it went.
But I don’t want to tell you how it went I want you to experience it as well. I want to make sense of this more.
A while ago we talked about Naruto the anime, I like Naruto, I understand it’s not for everyone, but she said she didn’t see it but someone told her about it so she knows what happens. And well that’s not a good thing right, yes you could know what happens but you still didn’t experience it, you didn’t see the ups and downs and emotional investment. I can tell you about going to the top of the mountain and how expectacular the view was but you didn’t experience it yourself, it doesn’t have the same meaning right? This food tasted really good, are satisfied with just reading a review of the food and not tasting it yourself and making your own opinion?
I don’t understand this very much, being friend with someone, Yea there are things one is comfortable doing and not, and thing one is open of doing and what not but, isn’t friendship about the amount of shared experience one have with each other?
Like hey! I liked this very much and i would also like you whom I hold dearly to share in this moment with men but no, do it yourself and tell me how it went? It’s not fufilling or meaningful.
It’s also very curious because she talks about how quality time is her love language, and how she values friendship Alot, but I don’t quite understand.
Need help processing this a bit more.
Maybe I’m expecting too much?
Maybe I’m just not the person to hang out with?
Maybe, hmmm I don’t.
Not really looking for a way convince her of doing x and y, hey if she’s not interested she’s not interested, but I do want to understand more
TL/DR: Friend keep saying I’m good , you do it and just tell me how it went, but why??
Thank you for your time
5 comments
When was the last time she invited you to spend time with her? And have you invited her more than two times after being told no two times in a row and without her inviting you to someone else before you invited her again?
Maybe you are suggesting things she’s not interested in and doesn’t WANT to explore them with you or anyone else. No matter how much someone may talk my ears off about anime, I do not like it and I’m not interested in watching it, period. It sounds like you really want her to enjoy what you do but she just doesn’t. Do you have anything in common? Do you like to do the same things? That kind of needs to happen if you want a friendship with someone. There has to be common ground.
Either she doesn’t want to do the things you suggest, or she doesn’t want to do them *with you.*
I think she is probably ready to move on from your relationship. She may be considering her future relationship status and goals, people’s priorities change.
Sorry, you are the “standby” friend. The one she only wants to do stuff with when she wants to do something and none of her other friends are available. That’s why, on the rare occasions you actually do stuff together, it’s always things she’s planned. Maybe this is because she doesn’t find you fun to hang out with, or maybe it’s because she doesn’t want a relationship, and thinks you’re trying to “friend” yourself into one with her. You mentioned her love language, so I’m guessing she just doesn’t want to deal with the hassle of you getting the wrong idea.