Husband is not giving me what I need in terms of positive encouragement, words of affirmation, etc. He says I shouldn’t need these things. That because we are married I can assume he loves me etc.
He would argue that I’m not giving him what he needs sexually – he has a much higher libido than I. While I regularly try, it’s such a chore when I’m not feeling it. In this way we are incompatible. We can’t keep each other happy. Should we divorce? We have children just to complicate things… How can we make a marriage work when we are on such different pages?
5 comments
Can you both agree to try to give the other what they need? Tell him you’ll be in the mood sexually if he makes an effort to give you the affirmations you need. [This article](https://www.verywellmind.com/words-of-affirmation-4783539) might help him to understand the how. See if he’d be willing to “prime the pump” by giving it a solid week of a heartfelt attempt. At the same time, you should make an effort to look at all the non-verbal ways he tells you he loves you. If he truly gives no indication at all of his love for you, that’s another issue entirely.
I just got done reading Lundy Bancrofts book called should I stay or should I go and it was very informative. I would highly recommend it. I borrowed it from my local library.
This needs to start from him. It is redicouls to say he does not need to tell you he lives you, praise you, etc. because you are married. Once you hear this from him you may want to have more sex with him.
Sorry for this, it’s hard. My husband and I realized we have to meet half way. Different love language and communication styles, but he acknowledge it an work on support each other. It’s give and take
Not sure if y’all both have ever read the 5 love languages book and then discussed it together. I think it’ll help put things into perspective on how love is an action word and a choice we have to make everyday. Also if physical touch is his love language, there are other ways to show love and intimacy without sex. I agree performative sex isn’t the way to go but feeling more fully loved would likely have a positive affect on your sex drive too.