How to through the pain of deeply hurting my ex?
The relationship was bound to fail. There was no healthy communication, and her mental health, alongside my own problems caused its end. I ended it because of this, although I deeply love her still.
I hear her crying in her room when I walk past to go to the bathroom. She texted me the other night saying how much pain she was in, and that we could still be together. The night we broke up, she was suffering so much, and as dramatic as it sounds, her sobbing still rings in my brain.
She has deep trauma surrounding abandonment, and has suffered much loss in the past. I’m now another element to her trauma. She might never find someone else again because of how much hurt I’ve caused her, and the mistrust in men she might now feel. In the past she’s insinuated that she might have killed herself already if I hadn’t found her, and I’m scared that might happen.
I know I needed to end it, but it doesn’t stop the immense guilt I feel, knowing we’d still be together, and she’d be okay, if it weren’t for my actions.
It’s harder because our friends are the same, and we live together, locked in a lease for 6 months.
TLDR;
I feel awful about hurting my ex even though the relationship needed to end for my own mental health and happiness. Is there anything that can help me get over this?
3 comments
Neither of you is going to start healing until you are no longer under the same roof.
Is there a chance you get back together if she makes drastic improvements?
Although I don’t think you should stay in this situation as it is, have you tried to communicate to her that you will **only** consider giving the relationship a try once she has started therapy? She is saying the right words, but you need to see action.
If she were in therapy and actively trying to improve her mental health, would you still want to be with her (knowing of course that these problems are not fixed overnight)?