This isn’t really a question or anything but more of a venting post.
I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend (33M) for 3 1/2 months, and things have been going so well. We love spending together. He is so thoughtful and sweet. It’s sincerely a great relationship.
My feelings have deepened a lot recently and it has been causing me a lot of anxiety. I have never been in love before or told anyone that I love them in a romantic way, so it’s very overwhelming.
The anxiety was getting too intense, so I finally just told him that I am falling in love with him. He laughed, not in a mean way but more in an amused way. He could tell I was nervous. But he honestly didn’t say much. He said he had been thinking about those things as well and that he is grateful we met and he loves spending time with me. But he did not say he is in love with me too.
A little while later, he left my apartment and I immediately started crying. I guess I was underwhelmed by his reaction? I’m not sure why I am upset.
I guess I would love to hear thoughts on if I am overreacting lol.
TL;DR I told my boyfriend I am falling in love with him and he had an neutral response which threw me off guard and it upset me.
4 comments
That’s a little soon for some people to feel in love. But I’d just talk to him about it, it was a nice response but he’s probably not ready to say he’s in love with you yet. It happens and I agree, it really sucks to not get that same energy back.
Definitely not too soon to be in love. You have every right to be upset – you let yourself be honest and vulnerable and weren’t reciprocated. I don’t have advice beyond not beating yourself up for reacting to this the way you are, you did the right thing by letting him know how you feel
Just be patient. You made yourself vulnerable and he didn’t reciprocate in the same way which is why you’re feeling a bit rubbish, and that’s okay. But that doesn’t mean you have a relationship problem. It can take longer for people to feel ready to say things like that and that is okay too. Continue to say it when you feel like it without being overwhelming or overbearing and allow him time to develop his own feelings and be ready to say it too. Your relationship is still very young so it’s not a bad sign he is not ready to say it yet (even though it is absolutely fine that you are!) Take a deep breath and continue enjoying what sounds like a great relationship!
I know his response isn’t what you wanted, but it wasn’t bad either! He’s feeling the same way as you, he’s just not as far along yet.
For what it’s worth, 3.5 months is *way* too soon for me, as an adult, to be considering dropping the L-bomb in a relationship. It’s usually closer to a year and always over 6 months, in my own personal timelines. Maybe your boyfriend is just similarly slower-paced. I wouldn’t worry about it too much!