Me: male/29. Her: female/27.
I’ve tried many times, now the 8th time to break up with my girlfriend and kick her out. The issue is every time she has a panic attack, which leads to her migraines, which results in projectile vomit and diarrhea.
After days of this I feel awful, and also for the sake of getting some sleep myself say nvm. I typically miss work due to these tantrums due to taking care of her, cleaning the mess, and it being hard to sleep when someone is vomiting and moaning all night next to you.
Unfortunately she lives with me otherwise I’d dump her and drive away. It’s my house and I don’t trust her alone there. She’ll destroy everything out of spite, also the principle of it.
She also guilt trips me on things like I’d force her to quit her job she just made assistant manager at to move back home 1 hr away. Also my dog she is now in love with and calls her son, her and her parents lose their shit that I’d be taking him away from her even though I do all the caretaking and take care of the Bill’s. Lastly it being the christmas season – even my parents are on her side but like, why spend the money on gifts just to break up after?
Legally I have to give her 30 day’s or this would be a non issue.
Please help me. I’ve been stuck in these situation for over 2 years now. (3.5 years together but decided 1.5 in I was done). Idk how much longer I can live this way.
38 comments
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You need to break up with her and giver her the required 30 day notice, and deal with her for one month of hell and then you are free.
If she has a panic attack, do not take care of her. Call an ambulance take her to a hospital where they can deal with it.
1. Have her stuff packed before everything else
2. Breakup
3. Calm her down, clean after her
4. Insist on breaking up when she feels better
5. Kick her out
It’s basically her own problem afterwards. Don’t allow her to guilt trip you. You are not at fault of ANYTHING she’s doing to herself of happens in her life because of the breakup. You are not responsible for her in any way, even when you are dating. It’s now or never. Insist on what you want and kick her out. You know her better. Find a plan to prevent things from happening in case she tries to do anything weird.
Good luck.
Sorry man, if you are going to be guilt-trippable, and take care of her and her panic attacks, she’ll be there forever. Serve her a 30 day eviction notice and if she starts to hyperventilate or scream or rant, just say “I don’t care,” and walk out the door.
And stop giving a damn what her parents have to say – that should be the least of your worries.
Her mental illness is being used to manipulate you. Well, T.S. Let her go spend a month in a mental hospital. Don’t even think of letting her have dog visitation.
Dude. You’ve asked this repeatedly. You’re still with her? Wtf?
Put cameras in the LR and anywhere you can that isn’t the bathroom. Take the most important things and stay somewhere else for 30 days. Is stuff worth your sanity?
If she starts her crap, call 911.
After 1,5 year, this situation is serious.
Pack up all your valuables and lock it up or put it in storage.
Ask a friend for a place to stay for a month or book an Airbnb.
Break up, give her 30 days notice.
Leave.
Come back in 30 days to finalise the eviction.
Anything she destroys out of spite, see it as a cheap price to pay to get rid off this pain in the ass.
I’d file a police report of these occurrences so that you have them documented, and then after you have it documented that she behaves this way then give her 30 day notice. After that, go no contact.
I have panic attacks too. Idk how that’s your problem. or anyone else’s. Get rid of her. She starts in with the vomiting, call 911 and tell them she has a medical emergency. When she gets out, she still has to move out.
Every time she pulls this crap you call 911. You’re not responsible for her reactions, her health or her behavior. She needs to leave. You’ve suffered long enough.
Just a thought but pack her shit and call her parents to come get her or you will call proper authorities to have her committed. She needs professional help and you aren’t a professional.
This is abusive AF. Get all your valuables out while she’s gone and put them in storage. Ask a friend if your dog can stay with them for 30 days and evict her.
I have panic attacks. I packed my stuff and left. It’s wrong of her to guilt trip you into postponing the breakup. I wouldn’t want someone to be around me purely out of guilt.
If you don’t want to be with her, you need to just break up and stop going back on it. You’re doing this to yourself. If she’s not on the lease, just give her 30 days notice and then kick her out. Plan ahead and install cameras in common areas so if she destroys the place you have evidence for the police. She isn’t going to die from a panic attack, and if she threatens self harm, call an ambulance for her.
you just listed everything that could happen
So if it does happen it won’t be a surprise to you (or her too)
At some point just verbalize that the panic attack, her job, the dog, Xmas etc etc etc doesn’t change that you are not a couple anymore.
Sorry, but it is over is all you need to say to her.
You’re not a hostage in your own home.
Next time u try breaking up, have the police there. They can let her know that if she fucks with your house, she will be charged because they’ve been made aware of her erratic behavior. Also record if it’s legal her reaction. Praying for u man
Remove anything of value from your house. Take pictures and film every part of what’s left of your house. Install cameras in the house and outside the house. Have your dog stay with someone else or put it in the kennel for a month minimum. Serve her the eviction notice and give her written notice that there are cameras everywhere if you are in a two party consent state. Send copies of both to her parents. Leave and let her clean up her own fluids. Stay away as often as you can and once she’s gone, take her to small claims court for any damages. You, the dog and your valuables are safe. Hopefully she leaves after the month. If not, then start the court process to have a sheriff remove her. Add on the small claims damages during that case. She will be paying for this for the rest of her life if she gets stupid. That’s not your responsibility. If she ends up not leaving and you have to go to court, see if that person can keep your dog longer, otherwise you may need to rehome it. It’s sucks, but make sure you learn from this. Don’t bring the dog back home while she is still there. This girl is crazy.
Find a new apt and Break the current lease. Pack your stuff and leave. Stay with a friend of you have to.
Can you talk to her parents? Siblings? Friend she is close to? Tell them that you are going to break up with her and would like their support in helping her grieve. Maybe they can offer to let her stay for a bit. I know legally you are obligated to give her 30 days but try to get her out earlier than that if you can. If not, maybe get a storage locker for whatever things you think she might try to damage during the 30 day period.
Don’t listen to people about the christmas season stuff. After that it will be Valentines day, then her birthday, then her sisters wedding, blah blah blah. Theres never a good time to do it. Just get the process started ASAP. Now is a good time because she still has most of the month to find a place before January.
You just have to do it. The dramatics you know to expect. There will be no breaking up with her without dramatics. Prepare to evict her or pay her to move ($ after she is out, obviously).
If the panic and vomiting get started call her family to support her, or call 911.
Also stop caring what her ridiculous parents think about her and tour dog.
Find somewhere to go for a month and don’t tell her where it is. It may be worth talking to one of her friends or family that can then go be with her for that time and help her cope and prepare to move. I get that it’s not “fair” to have to leave your place, but it’s worth your sanity to do so imo.
Move all your important documents and anything valuable/irreplaceable to a safe place before you serve her an eviction notice, also get locks for your bedroom door
Break up with her but set up a space separate from her to hangout/ sleep when you are home. Don’t sleep in the bed next to her. That will just make it harder all around. Also give a 30 day notice to her. And as other say don’t take care of her in her panic attack. Start to separate and treat her as a roommate and not a GF
How is your relationship with her family? If it’s decent you could call her parents and explain the situation and ask them for help. Say you’re worried about her and that she needs support but she also needs to leave your home. Get an eviction notice ready. They may offer to pick her up or be on hand.
Otherwise, I agree with other commenters to call an ambulance for her. If she’s genuinely struggling with her mental health she can get assistance and if she’s playing things up to manipulate you this will put her on the spot.
I would put the dog up at another person’s house. Or a doggy hotel. Set up a camera in the living room, and then serve her the eviction notice with a friend nearby. If she has a panic attack call an ambulance. If you are scared for your house being destroyed then take measures to ensure your safety and have evidence.
Rip the band aid off, go no contact the best way you can. There’s no easy way to do it.
Holy hell. I just got out of this EXACT scenario. I had to sell my house to get her out!!!
Give her the written notice. Email it as well. She will go through the usual drama. Call your local sheriff that does evictions. Schedule the eviction. Then let everything simmer down until it’s time to call the sheriff.
I call BS on these panic attacks, how exactly are they presenting? You try to talk to her and she runs away to the bathroom? Or she starts puking in the middle of the living room.
She does this because it works on you, so stop letting it work. Take steps. Serve her a proper eviction notice, and have a friend of family member there as a witness when you break up with her. Call the cops or an ambulance if she makes any threats – against you or herself. Document the state of the house before all this, if she *does* cause any damage you might be able to use that to get her out of there faster. Put anything valuable or irreplaceable somewhere safe – storage locker, safety deposit box, etc. Make sure your dog is chipped, maybe see if someone can take care of him for a while if you’re worried about her running off with him. Ignore her parents, they don’t matter. Ignore *your* parents too, they’re not the ones who have to date her. Also, a 1 hour commute isn’t that much, so don’t let that sway you. She’ll figure out a solution pretty quick once she realizes you’re serious this time.
And look, if you’re still feeling guilty: I get panic attacks. They fucking suck. But they’re also not your problem, they’re hers. They for sure aren’t a Get-Out-Of-A-Breakup-Free card – if she can’t handle a relationship ending without literally shitting and throwing up, then she *really* shouldn’t be dating right now.
I’d give her a 30 day notice, have cameras recording for your safety and for anything else that could go wrong and call 911 if she goes bat shit crazy, tell them she’s a danger to herself and others and they’ll have to come get her.
While she’s out, pack her shit up and make sure you block any family members not willing to support you. This will be hell and you don’t need them giving you shit when you finally put an end to this hellish situation. Good luck!
Please speak to a lawyer first and foremost.
I’d see if your dog can stay with parents or friends for a bit so it doesn’t become a casualty in this situation. Call the vet and let them know that you are the owner on account and under no circumstances should any info be given to anyone else. Also ask them to put a note on the chart to contact you immediately should the dog be brought in because it may be in danger of being dognapped.
Give your gf 30 days written notice to vacate. Follow whatever steps are needed for your state. Remove anything of value from the house temporarily and consider installing cameras.
Offer her keys for cash to vacate quicker.
Make sure you rekey the locks when she leaves. This sounds like it has the potential to become a bunny boiler situation.
I’d also turn off your social media for a couple months to let everything cool down and to ensure she and her family don’t harass you via it
do you have the money to put the dog in an doggy daycare when she move out? don’t leave her alone with him at all. do the 30 days and don’t give in.
Start the legal eviction process and serve it to her. I’m sorry, it will be difficult, but you need to do that so that you can call the police to have her removed at the end of that time period. If you can, remove anything you value from the home and store it with family, friends, or a storage unit in the meantime. As for the dog, I would highly suggest seeing if he can also be housed for that time so she does not try and hurt or steal it.
Lol, you dump her, hand her a diaper and a barf bag, and let her know this is her effective 30 day notice. You let her know that her tears and panic attacks won’t manipulate you, and if she reacts out of spite and damages your property you will call the police and take legal action.
You don’t have a relationship, you have a hostage negotiation. She is effectively taking you hostage with her reaction to your attempts to end the relationship. Ending a relationship does not have to be a mutual decision. For your own mental health, grow a pair and get rid of her.
It sounds like you are being emotionally abused here. She is going to keep doing this because it works.
Next time, call her an ambulance.
Can someone explain why there are so many references to giving 30 days notice? What is the consequence of giving no notice? A fine? A rap on the knuckles by the courts for kicking her out without notice? Surely this is not necessary if the woman is incapable of behaving rationally. There must be laws in place to protect the OP as much as the woman who it seems has several places to go to where she is “safe” that is not in your home.
Quit being a coward. It’s harsh but true.
Who cares what her, her parents, or your parents think???? Just break up with her and give her a 30 day notice. She’ll just have to figure it out.
And if her parents and your parents care so damn much, *they* can house her and date her.
Stop wasting your time with someone you don’t wanna be with.
This isn’t a panic attack issue, this is about manipulation and control. Panic attacks do not make someone manipulate others, I would honestly question an untreated personality disorder, however that isn’t on you to figure out. You need to protect yourself and your well being. There is some great advice on this thread already. But I just wanted to share that this is not panic disorder issue, as clearly it appears she is trying to use a “health condition” to manipulate you into staying with her. I question the diagnosis of panic disorder all together with how her behaviors are. Even if she has it or had it, she is using this to control you (not a characteristic of panic disorder).
Give her 30 and the second she starts up ring a ambulance