Long term GF wants to get married. I don’t see the point. Does marriage excite you guys?

31 comments

  3. Tax deductions are practical. From a more emotional standpoint, I definitely can get behind the sort of magic of getting married, but I’d get a pre-nup.

  7. If one of you dies, the other would be entitled to the others social security as well, don’t know if there’s other ways to do that other than marriage

  8. I got married to celebrate the love between us. I know it is not necessary but neither is a lot of the things you do for love. I wasn’t pressured into it. I simply fell in love and wanted to celebrate it with all my friends and family. I’m now divorced but I don’t regret the 14 years I spent married nor do I regret divorcing her.

  9. This is why you get married: you’ve found someone you want to spend your life with and you want to make a public and legally binding declaration that you’re choosing this person as your life partner and that you commit (not intend) to be each other’s partner for life no matter what happens.

    If you don’t believe in that, don’t do it.

  11. Why buy a girl flowers? Why take her on dates? Why make any effort at all?

    On top of just making a commitment to her and saying “you are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with,” there’s a certain level of respect given to a relationship when you can finally call your partner your husband.

    Everyone’s situation is different, but if you look into WHY LGBT+ people fought so damn hard to be able to get married, you’ll see that marriage isn’t just a religious ceremony.

    It’s the “I’ll take care of you” while she’s in the hospital and unable to speak for herself instead of her parents.

    Also, if other guys try to flirt with your girl, she can just flash her wedding ring.

    At the end of the day, if she wants to get married and you don’t, that’s going to be a big riff in your relationship. Is that worth breaking up over or causing her to be miserable? If yes, then go for it

  12. Marriage isn’t a specific religious institution. It is practiced by all religions and cultures around the world, including non-religious cultures. It’s a social construct of reaffirmation of becoming a family that is deeply tied into our psyches from a very young age. For the same reason “making it official” by calling a person you have been dating a while your “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”, making someone your husband or wife is a significantly psychologically orienting event and continuing reminder of the promises you make to each other by marrying.

    When I got married, it definitely also changes how other people treat you and handle you. Women are more trusting and more willing to be friends with me when they see a ring on my finger, and I talk about my wife, for example, as opposed to when she was just my “girlfriend”. It effectively makes it a lot less likely that we might break up and I might pursue someone else. People make a lot of assumptions depending on your martial status.

    Of course, there are also financial and legal reasons to get married, but for me I see those as more of an accommodation for new families, not as a reason to get married. You get married because you want to make a solemn vow to dedicate yourself to someone and be their life partner through thick and thin. When I said my vows to my wife, it really did change the way I viewed our relationship and to accept that I would never pursue another girl again, despite whatever problems we might encounter in the future. Whether the same effect would happen with you or not, I don’t know, but if you love the person and want to dedicate your life to them, imagine all the joy you would bring to them by marrying them and making it official.

    Just my thoughts. 🙂

  13. What’s the point of making a pledge in front of a witness?

    When you commit to your partner and make vows to them in front of your witnesses, your friends and family are supposed to both support your relationship and hold you accountable to your vows. Loving relationships are hard but worthwhile… quitting is sometimes easier.

  14. One of my friends was with his boyfriend for over a decade. They were extremely close, but never got married. When his partner died unexpectedly, all of the partners possessions, retirement, and house went to his family rather than him. So not only did my friend lose his partner, he lost a lot of things that would have helped him financially.

  17. It gives your spouse and an offspring rights that non-relatives don’t have. It’s not a moral or philosophical consideration, but a practical one because of the way that our society privileges marriage relationships.

  18. If you do not see the point, you should not get married. If marriage is important to her, this will be an issue in the future, whether you marry or not.

  19. Marriage predates all current religions. It’s defined more by culture than religion.

    The game theory of monogamous pair bonding suggests it’s the smart way to go.

  21. Legal rights for the surviving spouse. I’m not sure if legal partnerships is still a thing homosexual marriage became allowed but, in the past, if something to one partner the other one would have no legal rights to … well, every thing outside of whatever legal documents that are drawn up to guarantee the survivor would be able to make end of life decisions. But that can be messy.

    I was my late wife’s next of kin and I followed all her end of life wishes. If we were not married, and as our children were still minors at the time, her end of life decisions could have been her mother’s (though a good will etc could probably get around that). Our joint assets smoothly transferred to me. When the time comes I can collect her social security and pension.

  22. As someone who is engaged, not religious, and not getting married in the church to make my parents happy, I can tell you that her and I just want to take our relationship to the next/ultimate step of commitment to each other with the best intentions. And if we have kids, ideally would want to bring them up in a household with married parents. Ultimately these traditions like marriage are kind of trivial and engrained in us by society but also doesn’t mean they are bad traditions either.

  25. Someone wants “security” but these days that no longer is paired with loyalty. So you have a good point.

  26. Legal reasons. If she’s in the hospital, you’re not considered family and might not be allowed to see her. Things like that are why marriage is good.

  27. Religion did not invent marriage…

    Besides, there are legal reasons and benefits of marriage.

  28. Marriage is a legal contract that greatly simplifies taxes, ownership, insurance, inheritance, and healthcare. Personally if two people intend to be together for the rest of their lives, it would be foolish to not get married.

    There’s no reason for it to have any relationship with religion. My wife and I flew out to Vegas with some friends and family for ours. We had a lot of fun, and had a non religious ceremony in a chapel then filed our paperwork. When we came home we rented the local community center, bought a couple kegs, a couple cases of wine, and a case of vodka, had a meal with catered bacon wrapped filets, setup a karaoke machine, brought in a Wii and projector, and proceeded to throw an amazing party. If your gripe is the religious aspects then don’t incorporate those in your wedding.

    If you have other reasons to not want to marry her, you should get those out in the open, before she decides she’d rather be married than be with you.

  29. It provides a more stable environment for children, as well as reducing the unknown if something happens to you or your SO or kids.

  30. Besides the legal stuff, getting married to my wife was making vows for a lifetime commitment and I do not take that lightly. It’s definitely a bigger comment than just being girlfriend/boyfriend.

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