I (F29) enjoy bdsm with my partner (M30) and we have always followed the same routine where I am the sub and he’s the dom.
He suggested to change roles every once in a while since I was curious about it, but I literally don’t know where to start, what to say or how not to feel really dumb while doing it. I really want to try i, but I feel out of place and ridiculous. My two biggest concerns are that I am completely out of ideas and that he is way bigger than me, so I cannot really “force” him to do anything.
He is comfortable with pegging, spanking, whipping, and anal stimulation but not with verbal humiliation, slaps in the face of spitting. I would love your help with this on how not to feel like an idiot and any ideas on how to start.
5 comments
He doesn’t know you’re out of ideas. Roll some sex dice or pick numbers out of a hat or something, and “make” him do it. Keep him sitting or laying down with you over him, and use discipline to keep him there.
Domination is mostly a vibe and not necessarily physically forcing yourself on someone.
Dominance doesn’t have to be physical. If he’s truly submitting, you won’t have to physically force him to do anything. Just tell him what to do. Discuss limits and what’s on the table before hand and that’ll give you ideas for when it comes time.
the bdsmcommunity might be able to help better where they have a lot of experience
get on steroids, go to the gym, learn brazilian jiu jitsu.
Take it slow. You don’t have to straight to bound pegging with a whip straight away! r/BDSMAdvice and r/BDSMCommunity are definitely worth a look.
I’m not expert but have played around a little with my wife.
Verbal commands are good. You don’t have to degrade him to be dominant. Tell him to sit down, get undressed etc. Maybe some time beforehand, tell him you expect him to be ready at X time, how you want him dressed. If anal play is on the table, tell him to prepare so he’s clean and warmed up if he needs to.
Find an outfit and look that makes you feel dominant! Add hair, makeup, boots and gloves too if that’s your kinda thing to (or your partner’s). Remember you are playing a role, so some of this will be out of your comfort zone to an extent if it’s new to you.
If you aren’t feeling particularly confident, maybe blindfold him. For him it can be really hot to not know what’s coming next, but for you it means you don’t need to worry about what you look like.