We have this taboo of not discussing how much money you are making as an individual?
And I don’t mean that in a humble bragging manner but say if you are doing well and someone is genuinely asking how much are you making (men asking other men), will it be bad to counter it with an excuse ?
Does that change the relationship dynamic anyhow ? Why is it not advised to talk about money more openly. I get the envy part but I think if you are actually a well-wisher for the other person, then it should make no difference.
What would be your reaction ?
Does countering that kind of question with:
>I make enough to make my ends meet
sound rude or disrespecting in any nature (esp. if the other person is a lot older to you) ?
41 comments
im usually open about my salary. some people are vague or not open at all. tho imo workers should discuss salary between one another.
Remember youre working so someone else can have their dream life.
People who make a lot of money use it to make themselves feel superior.
People who make decent money usually just consider it a topic of conversation
People who struggle usually consider it a sore subject.
It’s just a weirdly intimate detail to ask someone. Like “How many sqft is your house?” Or “What’s your car payment?” Why does it matter and why is it any of your business? Unless you’re just deliberately trying to make yourself feel superior to me.
$30k before taxes, 27 and live in So Cal. Quality of life is on the low side. I’m putting myself through college, live alone, and have a car payment. It’s hard because I don’t have any school loans yet but things could be much, much worse. Things get really tight when I have to make extra purchases. I do a lot of clearance shopping (including food) and wish I didn’t have to. In general I’d like for the things I buy to be a higher quality. I’d love to have a really nice, comfortable pair of high heels but all I can afford are cheap clearance rack ones that are hell on my feet. I do really frugal things like dye my pants when they start to fade so I don’t have to buy new ones. I think the hardest thing to deal with is the fact that I’ve worked for my company for 7 years and I’m still getting paid a really low wage. I’m hoping once I get my AA degree I can find something better while I go for my BA.
I make 150k or so.
I have about 300,000 dollars in debt between my car (9k), my house (240k) and one of my businesses (39k). No student loans, no credit card debt. My debt payments total about 3 grand a month.
My house is pretty awesome. It’s modern, I bought it brand new, it’s about 2200 square feet finished with an additional 800 unfinished on the second floor, sitting on 2 very private acres with a 3-car garage attached.
I drive an older Lincoln SUV and I have a custom-painted motorcycle that is absolutely gorgeous. The SUV has some debt on it, the bike is mine, free and clear.
I don’t worry about money on a day-to-day basis. Actually I couldn’t tell you when my next mortgage payment is due, it will just come out automatically and I will barely notice. I go out to eat pretty much all the time, since I am a single guy who can’t cook. If something bad happens (car crash, fallen tree etc) I can always pay for it easily.
The flip side: I have almost zero time. My beautiful yard will get to near-jungle levels of growth before I can find time to mow it sometimes (I need to hire someone next year). I can’t always make it home to my parents for holidays etc. Girlfriends get pissed because my availability is limited. I bought GTA V the day it came out and I love it, but I’ve only been able to get a few hours’ play time in on it. My phone rings constantly, often when I’m trying to sleep. Speaking of sleep, I get between 5 and 6 hours a night. I got up at 3:15 this morning, left the house at 4, and I’ll probably get back home for the night around 8. Today is exceptionally busy, but I’m just saying, sometimes it goes that way.
And now I’m done pooping, so I guess I’m done typing for now, too!
Salary wise, just under $200k, and household (my fiancee and I) salary a bit over $300k. After bonuses and dividend income, over $500k easy.
We rent a nice, yet not very large, one bedroom apartment in lower Manhattan. Don’t own a car. I max out my 401(k), save nearly all my bonuses and at least $20k/yr from my salary. Don’t really buy expensive designer clothes (I buy custom from Indochino), and I hate wasting money in general, but don’t really pay attention to what things cost on a day to day basis. A $100 drinks bill or a $300 dinner bill really doesn’t have any real impact, but it’s not like I do that every day.
Every time people mention what they make on reddit they are called liars if it’s over $8K/annually.
It’s some deluded belief that we are all poor or college kids.
With that being said, Last year I pulled in $135K.
I own my own house and 2 cars. I have a very sizable savings and other investments.
I have a good quality of life. I can indulge in my hobby (video games) without worrying about breaking the bank.
This year, we decided that we are going on vacation for a week in January to Universal Orlando and LEGO World in Orlando, FL.
Just because.
Some of us are successful. Some of us have been able to save money. And some of us are well out of college and older.
I do quite well and don’t like to flaunt it but don’t mind sharing. I also work in an industry that’s fairly transparent with pay and you can easily find it by searching.
IT work, about 37k USD a year.
I live in a part of the country with very low cost of living and I’m living with my mom. I’ve been helping out friends here and there but it drains me sometimes. I just don’t want people to experience problems that a little money can fix. I play MTG and want to travel but because of my work, I can’t travel without worrying that I’ll be called.
I make less than 20k after taxes. I’m 27, moved back home after I ran out of money to finish college. Paycheck to paycheck life sucks because if anything comes up I am pretty much screwed out of any money I try and save. I’m also paying my mom rent to help her out with the mortgage because she has a low paying job too. I drive an 87 dodge diplomat that’s on its way out. I’m 13k in debt from college grants because if you don’t graduate they make you pay that shit back.
I get by
I’m a senior level software engineer living in Kentucky. I make a decent six figure salary, which is really good for this part of the country. I’ve tried to be wise about saving and investing, so my net worth is around $1 million.
Most of my friends are people I knew when I was younger, when we all lived in a more lower-middle class, blue collar upbringing. I think my friends are genuinely happy that I seem to be doing well, but I can feel it. There is some envy there, even a little tinge of resentment.
I don’t ever discuss what I make or how much I have, but people close to me will figure it out. They ask other questions, that hint to my situation.
“Nice car! How much is your payment?” “I don’t have one.” “What…you just paid for it?” “Yeah.”
“Man, this college stuff is killing me. How much are <my son’s> student loans?” “Oh, he didn’t take out any loans. He has a partial scholarship.” “Okay, but how are you paying for the rest of it?” “We created a college fund for the kids.”
“My 401(k) at work is taking a beating. I don’t know how I’m ever going to retire. How’s yours?” “It’s okay. But most of my money is in other investments.” “Wait you have *other* investments?” “Yeah.”
These all already make for uncomfortable moments for both of us. If people just flat out knew what my salary was, the uncomfortableness would be even greater.
It’s personal and it’s rude to ask.
‘None of your fucking business’ is an appropriate response. If they really want to know, they can apply for the same job. It’ll be in the advert.
I’m surprised by the number of people describing how much they make and why, when that doesn’t seem to be OP’s question…
Cost of a man does not equal how much they make.
$26/hr As an electronics technician for banks. We literally don’t have enough guys(no one applies/underskilled) so I drive for +4hr’s almost every day. At my income level it’s helpful to discuss pay. I dump money into modding a sleeper car and rent.
I think that’s the cultural thing. People in Asia are more open about salary discussion than North America and the EU.
I honestly don’t care if the guy next to me doing a similar job making more money. People get lucky all the time and getting a better offer is also just that – the hiring manager may vibe with him better, his resume has better keywords, etc.
For sure as hell, I can’t go into the manager office asking for a better pay because “X over there gets pay more for doing the same job”. I can definitely go into the manager office asking for more pay because “I did this, I did that. I take on more responsibility. I save the company XYZ because if ABC”. It’s all about what I can do, not about what the other guy can do.
Of course, I don’t share salary with strangers. I share that info with my good friends when they ask. Those questions come up mostly when discussing about career path for our kids.
For example, one of the kids in our circle is exceptional with math and statistic. His parents asked for which directon to guide the kid toward. A good friend, just happens to be an actuary, volunteer his salary as part of the pros and cons of the job. Career choice is never complete w/o compensation discussion.
Salary is also part of saving strategy for 529, retirement. If I were making $100k and the kid is good enough to get accepted to an ivy league school, 529 saving for that kid is a waste of money for example.
When we discuss about life style, saving strategy, kid’s career path etc among good friend, salary often comes up and we don’t hide that info.
I never talk about what I make. If someone asks, I just say “I do alright”.
You just never know how people will take it, even yourself. It can change the way people think of you and vice versa. I usually say something along the lines of ‘I’m doing alright, but man stuff is expensive right now’.
If someone is asking me how much I make I will usually tell them. I assume that if they are asking the question they are mature enough to handle the answer.
My salary is public record. Literally anyone I email from my work has a starting point on a good guess (or at least the starting point). It’s not a Big deal to me.
Tell them the truth. I love talking about money. Most people I know are stupid with their money so I like to offer advice if I can. Or, if they’re good with money I can learn something.
Financial literacy is one of the most important life skills people need. But everyone is too afraid to talk about it
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It depends a bit. And will differ per culture – I’m Dutch. With my other university friends I do talk about salary – rarely, but it happens. We don’t flaunt it but a “How much do you make if I may ask” is not very taboo. Especially not if they are in the same field and we know differences won’t be huge. But I’ve had that I earned 50% more and that is a bit odd. Stating you got a 10% raise or something is very normal of course.
One of my friends is a barman however and I don’t think I would be comfortable sharing. Perhaps I earn twice what he does and that just gives a bit of an odd vibe you know?
It’s a cultural standard that you don’t discuss income. If you’re comfortable with the other person, go for it, but it’s bad form to either volunteer the information or ask for it. Also, different people place different value on income. I make far less than I have in the past, but prefer the freedom of what I do. It never even crosses my mind what someone else income may or may not be unless I see them struggling financially.
I don’t see why I should be mad if my eventual partner made more money than me. I assure I’d try to not be a problem and would probably feel uncomfortable to get money or have her pay for me, but that’s just how I am it’s not because I’m a man.
The taboo against discussing wages is a tool for employers to prevent employees from knowing they’re underpaid and stop them from negotiating better wages. It has no rational basis and only exists to keep money in the pockets of business owners. They’re the only ones who benefit.
Reject that taboo. Discuss the FUCK out of your wages.
It depends who I’m talking to. I’ve had a lot of people try to pry about how much I make. If I think their intention of asking it to reference how much I’m able to give them, or it’s any family members asking, I just say “I do alright.” If someone is actually looking to get into the same career I’m in I will give them explicit details down to the penny of pension and vacation pay. But to be fair, I’m in a union, if anyone wants to know badly enough they can Google it and find out how much I make pretty quick.
I keep my pay very private. I find that it helps filter out people looking to use me. Up until a few years ago, I had troubles with setting healthy boundaries. I’m slowly but surely getting better
The taboo of not discussing how much money you make was largely created by corporations… businesses do not want their employees to discuss this because then employees start finding out they are not making the same.
You SHOULD share how much you make.
Not talking about your salary is propaganda from corporations so they we do not know that we get paid different amounts for the same work.
You should always be very transparent with how much mones you make, except if you are a millionaire and above. That can cause troubles.
I personally do really well for myself and I will tell anyone that asks, the exact amount of money. Never had negative repercussions because of this.
Depends on the context of the conversation. On a date I think “I make enough to make ends meet” is an absolute valid answer. To friends or colleagues I’m open about my salary and so should anyone else. It is an important topic.
I mean, if someone asks me straight how much I make, i’ll tell them. But I will never just offer it in conversation. I feel like it distances me from people. It’s way more than all of my friends (not confirmed, but fairly certain).
Its superficial.
Money does not equal happiness and our goal is to just be happy. Besides 99.9% of the time when people ask that, there are hidden motives/intentions.
There are tons of people that will try to use you for your money and use this question as a way to figure out how good a target you are.
And you mentioned “even if you are a well wisher”.
That doesnt matter because you ask a question abput someone and judge them based on the awnser. Whatever way you frame, with that question people will judge you. And judgement is typically not appreciated
I am usually intentionally cryptic with my financial situation. There’s too many people concerned with other people’s money, and frankly it’s none of their damn business. I say “I’m doing well enough” and leave it at that. Someone is always out there, able and willing to humble you for getting too big for your own britches.
I’m usually open but the problem is that I signficantly out earn my circle (I make 350k a year and highly likely going to be 500k by the end of next year) so people expect me to help them out of a jam and it’s ruined friendships. Most of my friends know I make a lot of money but the vast majority underestimate how much I make which is how I like it. Only 4 of my friends know how much I make a year.
It depends on the person. If they are genuinely curious I will tell them the full amount. If they want to measure themselves against me, then I answer, “Not much, but it’s enough to be comfortable.”
Anytime I’ve ever been asked how much money I make, or is in my bank account, I usually shut down any further questions with the simple answer of “not enough”.
I never reveal how much money I make to anyone.
My wife is literally the only person (that does not work for the IRS) that knows how much money I make. Yes, it always changes the dynamics of the relationship, and I have yet to have any friend or family member that found out how much money I was making previously where it did not change the dynamic.
Now when asked I respond with something like “I don’t like to discuss my finances”. It is direct, polite, and to the point.
How do I know they won’t be envious or judge me differently? If there is a significant disparity in how much we both make, and that becomes known, it could cause issues. So best not to mention, unless you know them well.
I’m in the Army, so you can Google my salary. It doesn’t bother me.
Well, I’ve seen first hand the chaos it can cause in a work place environment, the weird thing is that even after the dust settles and everyone has either quit or has been given raises, the resentment stays. It’s odd, you shouldn’t be mad anymore, these other people no longer get paid more than you. But many people hang onto that resentment.
But amongst friends, it’s not such a big deal. My friends and I are open about that kind of thing. But usually those are more serious conversations. Sometimes we also ask, “are you sure you want to know” if they think it’s a big number that might upset someone.
I don’t think that response would be rude. Each person has their own comfort zones / boundaries. For example – I actually don’t have any issues discussing this topic with men in general. I’ve been fortunate enough to find several men who have actually coached me through my academic/career choices and shared their own stories to financial independence (which is something I’ve been big on).
Discussing this topic with women (especially prospective romantic partners) is a whole other matter lol. I’ve dated some gold diggers before – and the experiences/ lessons learned have left some pretty deep wounds. I’ve recently seen a massive increase in my financial earnings which makes me all the more paranoid, so I try not to bring this up at least in the early dating discussions.