So far I’ve been on dates where
i) he spent the ENTIRE TIME talking about himself. I paid for my drink and walked out. He followed me out, had the audacity to get upset when I refused to sleep with him
ii) my dating profile explicitly says I’m sober. I meet a guy and he insists on buying me an alcoholic beverage. Proceeds to belittle me for *politely* declining his offer for booze after asking him for a cranberry and Gingerale instead
Among other things that I’m to annoyed to write about. I don’t know if it’s because as I approach 30 there are more jaded people, but gah. Too many assholes in the pool
6 comments
You are looking for a needle in a haystack. Just keep that in mind. You have to weed through them. Don’t give up but def go into it with a different attitude. It’s an audition. They didn’t make the cut. Move on to the next. One day you’ll be on a date and it will be perfect.
I’m sorry it’s been tough. Sounds like they didn’t really pay attention to your profile or learn about you. You’ll probably go through more failed dates but it’s worth staying positive.
My best suggestion as a self proclaimed “nice guy” is that if he does anything that doesn’t qualify as “nice” he’s not a “nice guy” he’s a “niceguy ™” i.e. he’s just trying to get into your pants.
That being said, and this is the most important part: just because a guy is cool and confident doesn’t mean he’s not a niceguy™. He might not even be “nice” but he will be once he thinks he’s going to get in your pants.
If you find a genuine, nerdy, awkward guy who is respectful and **traditionally** feminist (believes in female representation in media and politics, believes in technically “conservative” values like opening the door and sharing his jacket but only because that’s the kind thing to do not because you’re a “woman™”, etc.)
Once he checks those boxes the jig is up. No more being picky. There are certain red flags like not taking no for an answer and not taking care of himself, but consider what you bring to the table for him and what that’s worth to him, and if he doesn’t provide equally in return then you can set the bar there. But also recognize that not everything you bring to the table is going to be a 1:1 tradeoff to his qualities. You’re supposed to complete each other not match each other’s strengths and faults.
That being said, don’t add boxes to check once you’ve met those criteria or you will be limiting yourself to the shitty men you seem to have been going on dates with because they’re: 6ft tall, traditionally attractive, have swagger and arrogance, are social butterflies, etc. etc.
Smart and nerdy is 1000x better than cocky and dumb, regardless of what your brain or what’s in your pants are telling you. We tell guys not to think with their dick, well, 6ft confident dudes don’t always come with the “kind and considerate” bonus…
>he spent the ENTIRE TIME talking about himself. I paid for my drink and walked out. He followed me out, had the audacity to get upset when I refused to sleep with him
He gives men everywhere a bad name.
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>Too many assholes in the pool
Yeah, I’m thinking a “swim break” may be a good idea.
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it’s not you it’s society. Women set the bar way too low for men and it’s like basic human decency isn’t held at high regard so all we’re left with is guys who put in little effort and act like they were raised like Tarzan