I (27F) have been feeling more comfortable in my own skin the past 2 years. I was asked to do some modelling for a photographer (just for fun) based on them seeing some photos on instagram and it helped with my confidence a lot. I feel I dress better now and understand what colours suit me and what colours don’t. I am fit and skinny (though I wish I do put on more muscle). I’ve gotten better at dealing with my social anxiety and although I’m not perfect, I feel I can converse with others more efficiently now. I still am quiet though and unsure of how much humour to bring into a conversation. That being said, I have only ever had one boyfriend at the age of 25 and we recently broke up. I had a few flings beforehand, but they didn’t come into anything and one guy was a player.
I jumped on tinder again recently and although I’ve gotten matches, I’ve gotten very few conversations. In the past, I had several good conversations. One guy recently told me he had a date with someone he thinks could turn into something more (fair enough and good for him👍🏻). Another changed a topic from me briefly mentioning a hobby of mine to something about an outfit I wore. Most don’t even respond back when I have sent them a message (usually a pickup line, joke, something specific about their profile). I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m not attractive at all. Maybe it was all smoke and mirrors.
2 comments
The positive correlation between looks and dating success is nowhere near as strong as most people think it is, especially for women. On a scale of 1-10, the women who have the most success tend to be in the 5-7 area and tend to also be outgoing/extroverted. Women who are 8-10 and introverted or have resting bitch face make people think they’re stuck-up, intimidating or unapproachable, while women who are 8-10 and outgoing or have standard personalities are either assumed to be taken already or make people feel insecure, i.e. the whole “out of my league” thing.
I will say that your examples really don’t lend themselves to even beginning to think “I’m not attractive enough.” Like, online dating is hella awkward, and no one seems to know how to start/maintain conversations anymore online. And a guy ignoring your hobbies and focusing on an outfit actually makes it seem even more like you’re attractive–most guys don’t want to hear anything attractive women have to say because their main interests in attractive women are in their looks (including your outfit) and in having sex with pretty women.
You could always do a throwaway account and post on r/Rateme or one of those types of subs, but if you want a real unbiased opinion since I’m an old-ish woman and not some desperate 20-yr old guy (the guys highly rate any halfway decent-looking woman who posts there), I could tell you if you wanted to send a message to my inbox privately.
The thing is that, confidence is sexy. Want to be viewed as more attractive?
Believe that you are attractive. Here is the thing. The fashion industry has spent the past 100 years undermining the confidence of women. Their goal is a 3 step process.
Make you unhappy with your appearance
Sell you a solution to that issue
Profit
At this point in modern society, to be happy with your appearance is a revolutionary act.
But also, I’d suggest that you get off the dating apps and do things like that volunteer. That way you get to build relationships and trust with guys, rather than the meat market that is social media