Really complicated situation, but my ex girlfriend and I had a very rocky relationship for four years because we both have a lot of mental health issues. According to her, she broke up with me a couple months ago mostly over the guilt she felt because of how badly she treated me during our relationship. There had been times during our relationship when I tried to leave, but the past year or two I felt it had been going a lot better so when she broke up with me it blindsided me a bit. For a time I was spiralling and I began to drink and smoke cigarettes a lot to cope with the stress and sadness I felt but I was able to get a grip on myself shortly.
Over these past few months I have dated some different girls and unfortunately each one was more unhinged than the last. I tried to convince myself I didn’t have feelings for her but that was a lie and I have realized that mostly within the past few days. For a long time I thought that all our problems were from her but I realized recently that many were due to me because my anxiety was completely out of control for years and I let it affect every decision I made (very hard to explain but I will answer questions if asked) and those decisions affected our relationship negatively.
I’m not sure exactly what the trigger was, but earlier this week I had a mental breakdown after work and I was unable to do any of my responsibilities and instead I drank myself to sleep because I simply could not handle the pain I felt in my heart because I missed her so much. I tried to convince myself not to, but a few days later I messaged her and asked her if I could come to her apartment and talk to her. She said I could but she told me she has been seeing a new guy and that he lives with her now. She said he wasn’t there now and that I could come to talk to her.
I talked to her and apologized for anything I did that hurt her in our relationship. I told her that I missed her and that being with anyone else felt wrong. That I felt like I was missing a piece of myself since she has been gone and that I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. She told me the guy she is seeing is mean to her a lot and mistreats her and there has been a lot of times when she thinks “*Chickenoatmeal* would never treat me this way.” It makes me sad to know that she’s with someone who mistreats her. She told me she and her were planning on moving away earlier next year but that she doesn’t want to go and that she has been missing me too. She said she sometimes hopes she will wake up and find me sleeping next to her and that this has all been a bad dream.
She couldn’t answer if she truly wanted to be with me again, and I didn’t expect her to do so right then. Obviously now things are very complicated because the guy is living with her and she can’t just kick him out randomly. She told me she was going to think about things and maybe when they were planning on moving she will stay around and we could be together again. She didn’t say, but maybe things could happen sooner than that, I don’t know.
I don’t know how to cope with this and I need advice. I want her back so badly and being able to talk to her the other day reminded of all the reasons I loved and missed her so much. The past few days I have been drinking quite a lot because I am so sad knowing that she is with someone else, especially one who treats her badly. I love her more than anything and I want to be with her again. I feel like now she’s had some time to think and be apart from me she has learned some lessons and will treat me better. I just don’t know how to deal with this pain in my heart and I can’t bear the thought that I will have to wait for months to be with her again. I know I shouldn’t be willing to wait so long for her, but I know I will. I can barely think about or focus on anything else but her.
Thanks for reading my post, sorry it’s not very well written I’ve been drinking.
4 comments
to me she seems can’t be trusted. She’s dating another guy and she still has feelings for you. Then if you two back together, will she do the same to you? Will she still has feelings for this “other guy” if you got back together?
She’s no good for you man. You stopped loving yourself, the way you typed this.. I can tell you’re hurting deeply. You need to forgive yourself more often and start to love certain things about yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself, your feelings are valid. How you process them is what counts my man. Drinking is something you shouldn’t be doing, not while in a dark place bro. Seek some help and please forgive yourself. For the past. The present. And the future. You deserve to be happy, but you need to understand that in order for you to begin to open your heart to anyone, you have to repair it. It takes time. Alot of processing and acceptance. A lot of tears will be shed. A lot of emotions will flood you, some stronger than others. That’s ok. You’re human, allow them to settle and mourn what was. Find yourself again through a new chapter of your life. But you gotta love yourself first man.
I feel like she is stringing you along maybe.. She could just be telling you the guy is mean to her and whatever else she said. Idk sounds similar to stuff I might have said in my early 20s to my ex…
What about your relationship parameters have changed?
Have you both gone to therapy to figure out why you wpere both so unhappy together?
The fact that you are drinking right now is a really bad sign. You should never make life decisions while under the cloud of alcohol.
You should really consider going to therapy and try to find a way to be happy within yourself.
That way?
You can be a better snd stronger partner.
You can’t really have a healthy relationship with anyone else until you learn to love and accept yourself.
Can you see yourself doing that right now? Can you see yourself loving yourself and accepting yourself just the eay you are?
It’s disconcerting to hear that you are drinking to try to cover your pain. That is not a realistic way to move forward in your life.