31M married 2 years to my amazing wife (28F). I have got some kind of mental block, not sure what it is but it’s definitely psychological that’s causing me to loose my erections. I got on cialis, but all that’s done is make my d*ck more sensitive and now I’m finishing faster than I want, when that isnt the case I lose the erection, then it comes back and then I finish too fast.
I started therapy because maybe the traumatic infidelity I experience in a previous relationship is seeping in. But My wife doesn’t deserve this, we deserve a satisfying sex life!! We are young. In shape, and she is so in love with me and I in her..And she is so supportive, and sexy as hell. But I feel like shit as a man because I’m not holding my end up and satisfying her consistently (we’ve had good times but more bad times in the bedroom)…now she’s feeling anxiety about sex because she’s afraid I’m not going to be able to perform and it’ll make her feel like crap. And, I’m feeling anxiety because I’m afraid to start something I can’t see through.
I don’t know how to get us out of this cycle of me initiating, her saying no, then me wanting to initiate but fearing the rejection, then her wanting it and me worrying…it sucks. She’s an amazing woman and we are very visibly in love in every way, I just can’t understand how she loves me still despite this. And i feel like obviously no one is gonna put up with this forever, so I feel all this pressure to get my shit together fast.
Vent over, what would you suggest we do? I’m already seeing a therapist and taking cialis. It’s been 3 weeks with the therapist. And no I’m not masturbatjng or addicted to porn.
5 comments
Doctor, Medicine, Therapy, Non PIV sex, Workout, Ashwagandha.
Relax, don’t focus on getting an erection, just focus on pleasing her. You can use your hands and mouth too. Tease her more and let her tease you. To get past the rejection ask her when are good times to initiate. Make sure the house/room is clean, nothing needs to be done like chores, laundry etc… Try a relaxing massage ahead of time to get the blood flowing. Do you work out and eat healthy?
As a wife, I think the first thing you can do is show her this post.
If I were your wife, my first thought would be I was doing something wrong. I wasn’t attractive enough or I did something wrong during sex, etc. If you can communicate to your wife this wording, I think she will understand.
It sounds like counseling is a great idea. I wound just suggest to keep your wife updated and show to her that you’re really making your sex life a priority.
You should see a sexual therapist and do the exercises they suggest. Simply talking about your past trauma isn’t going to do you much.
Also, make sure she cums, and put less emphasis on PIV as the main form of sex.
Do you live where marijuana is legal? Sex on edibles is truly easy mode.