My partner and I have been going out for some time now, and I was thinking about some of the things that he told me about his previous experiences on dates, and it really struck me as unfortunate.
He’s young (like, 20s), good looking, smart, well-traveled, with a European accent. Everyone adores him. He just left our job and customers have been coming up, asking about him, whom don’t talk to him outside of work. All of his friends are protective of him, and care about him, and are very well-rounded, honest individuals. I do not believe that he is the problem.
Most of my friends who are women (and his too) would get maybe 100 likes on their dating profiles a month, whereas him and his friends who are blokes would be lucky to get one or two a month, let ALONE a conversation or possible date.
Then, once he was FINALLY able to invite someone out – while not EVERY woman he met acted this way obviously – his date would always be extremely critical and/or needy, while still putting forward the impression that “this doesn’t mean anything – we are not dating, etc.” Before me, he’d never cuddled, or been physically loved in any real romantic capacity outside of sexual, and hadn’t been able to date in about 4 years, because finding someone who wasn’t just willing, but WANTED to date him, had basically been impossible. And, to add icing to the cake, basically all of his mates have agreed that this is just the reality of dating for them all.
I’ve never really dated in this way, I admit, so I don’t understand how scary it is to go out with a stranger, especially as a woman. Being on the autism spectrum, maybe there’s something socially I’m missing, but, I mean, seriously?
It’s not that he’s overbearing when interested in someone either. He was interested in me (obviously), and we even went out a couple of times before we were dating, and he was always cheerful, chivalrous, and respectful. All of his friends are polished, hygienic, pleasant men, and obviously I think he is more-so, and yet, all struggled to date? Is this just what it’s like for you guys, or is my boyfriend just particularly unlucky?
EDIT: Wow, I didn’t realise so many people felt this way – I’m so sorry.
I give my partner my time, money, and love as often as he needs it. I was taught to treat partners how you wish to be treated, i.e, you can’t expect to be pampered and spoiled if you don’t first set an example. I’m often worried that I’m not doing enough to make him happy (not by his doing – I’m still growing), and while this makes me feel incredibly reassured, it also saddens me. I hope you all find or have found people whom love you properly, and make you feel safe.
38 comments
I also recently posted a personal story on another subreddit, and a couple of people there said that men are not often given words of affection. I hate to be so ignorant, but is it really that rare for people to appreciate their male partners?
Yes it is hard. Even if you have good qualities and decent looking . Cuz online dating made it easier for women to sort out men depending on looks if he is not 10/10 he is not worth it.
I told my gf (now wife) that I did not go on a single date throughout my whole time in college, I just had girls hit me up late at night or when they knew no one else would be around during the day for sex. She gave me a hug and told me those women were users and I deserved better. But for the most part people, especially younger people, will take what they can from you when they can because they can. It’s shitty but true. And if you’re a male who craves affection, it’s tough to get it in casual dating.
Yeah, this is just what it’s like dating as a man. But god forbid anyone discusses the imbalance in dating as a man vs a woman or you get called an !ncel and misogynist.
Honestly not sure what the future is going to look like with dating being this terrible
>All of his friends are polished, hygienic, pleasant men, and obviously I think he is more-so, and yet, all struggled to date? Is this just what it’s like for you guys, or is my boyfriend just particularly unlucky?
No, that’s the experience of the average man lol
I am a good looking 24 year old guy with an active lifestyle and interesting hobbies and interests. I have NEVER once had a girl interested in me.
Yup, that’s just how it is.
I hope that it’s talked about more. I think social media and dating apps have skewed women’s vision of how attractive they actually are. I think they go for the top 10 percent of men who then end up using them because they are not dating at their level.
I’ve had a total of 2 dates in the past 10 years, even when I was living in the middle of Pittsburgh I couldn’t get a date
It is all true. Most men are clean with a stable job with friends and a few hobbies. Most men are private. In this modern days of showing off and having a social media presence is all that matters in dating.
To get dates as a men you need to present yourself as being top dog. To get dates as a girl you need to be pretty. To be top dog you need money , brains, cool car, good hair, good body, charismatic, funny. …its hard work.
Why do most girls get 100 matches but decent men only get 2? Because being **decent** **IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH . this is the hard truth of being a man.** Most girls will not want a decent dude, but an extraordinary one. The light of the moon. The creator of the sun.
TLDR:
**A decent girl will get 100 matches, a decent man will get 2.**
Make as you wish with this info.
# yes, yes it is this bad
It is. Luckily we’re built for the trauma.
Yes. This is why I laugh when women try and pretend like they have it so hard when they have to scroll through 100’s of likes and pick out the cutest person for a date.
Yup, women will be all into you and then suddenly gone. You are expected to take them seriously knowing no amount of time together is going to keep her from ghosting you as soon as something that she perceives as better comes along.
His experience is absolutely universal on dating apps. Personally my experience went a bit differently though, I actually found lots of women who wanted to date and have sex, but most of these women only wanted a token boyfriend and didn’t actually want me. So I was still very deprived of physical and emotional intimacy because they wanted me to be there for them, but I was a NPC in their lives so I didn’t exist when they didn’t need something from me.
Generally men aren’t appreciated for who they are, they’re only appreciated for what they can provide. That’s what makes me girlfriend so special, she tells me she is thankful for “me.” Not anything I do, not anything I say, just me. I didn’t realize how impactful those words were because I had NEVER had that before, I was always a tool to a greater purpose in someone else’s life.
Yes.
I am a 6 foot tall man, in good shape. I’m wealthy enough that I retired in my late 30s(which i put in my profile). I am outgoing and have tons of hobbies. I even paid for profile critiques(which did help). I still got very few responses until i decided to do a spur of the moment trip to Denmark and repopulated my pictures with ones from the trip. After this I became popular.
Yea its pretty tedious as a man, especially the insecure ones. 2 matches a month on a dating site would be amazing. Too much pressure to make the most of an opportunity when it comes along. With little to no experience, its hard to know what to say or do, and for me personally, I get very discouraged with the thought that she can move on to another match, it just seems most women have plenty of options when it comes to online dating. I haven’t had a match in a few months, partly for the lack of trying because its depressing sometimes lol, but its also just daunting sometimes to see all these women you would love to try and talk to, and sometimes when you do talk to them they respond with 1 word answers and just makes we wanna give up sometimes lol… sorry for the rant
Sounds pretty standard to me. More or less the experience of most guys out there. Not really something that can be changed though so just gotta deal with it.
I’m a 10/6 dude, 62kgs, toned arms and I’m 5’9′ (175cm).
I’m really good with people, I can read the room, I’m an extrovert and have confidence in myself, but not the inflated kind.
I have the witty flirting game down, girls are into it, but they still get flaky if taller/better looking opportunities arise.
I can be funny most of the time, I’m kind in my core and I always have an ear to lend to someone who needs it, have some advice that’s usually decent/good for them, etc. I try to help where I can.
I’m studying computer science, working in IT, have a car and I barely get dates, 0 matches on OLD, with some professional, some phone pics of me.
All of my relationships come from personal connections and I wouldn’t need more than two hands to count all the girls that showed interest in me during my 22 years alive. And I’d need only one hand where I would have reciprocated said attraction.
I let my friend update and use my profile for a week because she had the same questions about what it was like for guys. Figured it would be easier just to show her. Her first response after 2 days was ‘Why the fuck don’t I get any instant matches? I think your app is broken” …lol
women will never have to deal with the amount of rejection, not even close, that men have to deal with if they want to have a dating life/sex life
20 year old guy here, yea that’s pretty much spot on for how it goes for me lmao
lmao, a woman finally realizes what it’s like on the other side
Yes dating is difficult for men. Women only think it’s easy because they only think about dating with the men they really like
It is the reality for most of us. Online apps have convinced women that they are too good for any partner that they can actually get to commit to them. Instead they flock to the top end of men, then complain bc those men ghost them, use them, or reject them. But a decent guy that would do right by a good woman doesn’t stand a chance.
Yeah it’s that bad. OLD gives women an enormous advantage. It’s easier to be a 3-4 woman than a 9-10 man. And even 3-4 women seem to have an inflated sense of their own attractiveness due to the number of matches they get, and as a result, they become too picky for their own good.
Yeah, that’s sounds about right. He’s actually probably having a better time of it then most of us if you consider him above average looking.
I am single and disabled. I am invisible.
It’s just what many men have to deal with, in silence.
The female in this experiment lasted only one week, should have tried one full month.
https://youtu.be/DZTIbHIsIYw
Nope, that’s how it is for guys. And it’s even worse if you’re average or below when it comes to looks. Then you can basically wave goodbye to any type of dating.
Yup, you get used to it after awhile but it takes a toll mentally knowing you’re not good enough for even the average women because they can date up if they want. Can’t even voice our concerns online so if you’re a dude with honest intentions you’re still trash, why? Because nowadays men = bad.
Yes, it’s this bad.. if not, worse. Dating for men these days is such a shit show, that I look back at some of my ex’s who weren’t entirely bad and wished I could have put more effort at the time to make things work, rather than be stuck single like I am today.
Sounds about right then if you want to vent about how it’s hard or how women have been mean to you you’re suddenly insecure or jealous or your penis is small🙃
Yeah, and considering I’m short I’ve sort of just given up on dating in general for now
The thought of rejection can weigh deeply on a lot of guys. You got a small amount who will talk to any girl with ease, and half of guys who get nervous but will make it happen and then the rest wbo just are too scared to even try. And believe looks doesn’t play a part which group guys fall into. So what ends up happening is you have this large number of inexperienced guys. Each year that passes by that they still lack the experience, it just gets harder and harder. That coupled with the fact that even though times have changed and we aren’t living in the times of our grandparents, many girls will never try and initiate. In the end every girl has ended up sleeping with the same 10% of guys who don’t want to commit or turn out to be assholes. And then the inexperienced guys say well hell, I don’t want to be second option in 30s, and I don’t want to be with girl who’s slept with 20x more partners then themselves.
Just what I’ve noticed (for reference, live in USA)
I find the comments and this post very strange but insightful? I never really wondered how men feel when they’re used as hookups because women experience it all the time. Speaking from personal experience, I’ve written off all super attractive men as men who are only looking for hookups anyways because ‘how could someone that sexy have trouble finding a girlfriend, let alone want me’. I see I should stop thinking like that. Maybe all the attractive men are ALWAYS written off as playboys and that’s why they’re not glanced at? Idk.. as a young (and imo cute) woman I think it’s the exact opposite. Hard to find someone who actually wants me for more than a Fuck, meanwhile my main kinks are being devoted to my partner 😂 both genders need to have a sit down convo about how we feel at some point ahah
Dating as a man is tough.
Dating as a man in Boston as a minority, IM-FUCKING-POSSIBLE!
Yes, it’s literally the sole reason for male depression. Alot of women think they know what it’s like to be a man, but they have no idea. A majority of us would take a period any day if we could have equal dating opportunities.