Ok, so the title sucks, but, recently I saw a post about how much people who fish for compliments by saying things like “Oh, I’m sorry I’m so annoying” or ugly, or etc, and it made me realize that even though I’ve been trying to work on my social skills as of late I still accidentally do this sometimes, in part out of habit and also because I genuinely do want to apologize in advance for how irritating and awkward I’m going to be. I feel bad for how I’m going to accidentally keep rambling on for too long, or say something fucked up without realizing it, or whatever, and I want them to know I don’t do it intentionally. Is there any way to apologize in advance without sounding like a lame weirdo?
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I think if you reframed it a bit, it might work better. Something like…
“I’m trying to get better at talking to people. If I say something weird or start rambling, could you give me a heads up?”
The apology angle makes it sound inevitable and like you’re not doing anything about it. It’s okay to be a flawed person, but people will be more understanding if they know you’re working on it.
I think the best way out is to avoid apologizing for these types of things entirely.
No matter how it’s phrased, those types of apologies always come across like they’re self-serving (e.g. trying to make yourself feel better).
I used to tell myself that apologizing in advance would make them feel less-bad for my awkwardness, or make them more “forgiving” of me. But I was kind of kidding myself, in retrospect. Turns out I was really apologizing in advance to make *myself* feel better.
It’s kind of an awkward truth, but honestly there are very few scenarios where a statement like “sorry in advance but i’m awkward” improves anything from anyone else’s point of view.
Just don’t imo. Whatever you think is annoying behavior is probably less annoying than “sorry I’m annoying.” If anything, I think “oh sorry for going off topic just now” or whatever it is is a lot better than blanket statement “annoying”
I read somewhere once that instead of being sorry, you should be gracious. Instead of saying “sorry for being this way” say “thank you for your time” or “thank you for your patience” etc. If you apologize, you are putting it out there that it was a bad experience for everyone, which makes people feel a negative connotation. Instead, if you thank people, they might feel happy to help, which makes the experience feel positive for everyone invloved. Try to be positive, and don’t assume people will dislike you. Even so, if you think it was an effort for them, gratitude is a better, more confident and positive look.
I do this too! Like for me asking a favor/request is always followed with “totally okay, no pressure etc” or like I hope I am not overstepping by asking this favor. For me it comes from being a pushover for a long time. As I am learning to set boundaries and accepting myself for my own needs, I have learnt to be less apologetic about the space I take up.
I am also neurodivergent so I don’t necessarily understand properly whether I am actually being annoying and the person is just being polite for the sake of it but hates me behind my back or whether it’s just a normal thing to ask for such favors.
I apologize in advance if I ever come off as ….. I am currently trying to work on….. so I would appreciate it if you could bare with me