I’m 35 years old and I visit my parents once or twice a month. I typically stay a night or two when I do because it’s about an hour and a half drive.
What disturbs me is how low energy my parents household is. My dad likes to save energy on lighting even though he’s completely ok financially. So during the nights my mom and dad just sit in near darkness, usually with one light on on the entire floor of the home. Like he doesn’t even turn the lights on in the stairway. I legitimately wonder every night if they went out, but no they’re just sitting in darkness. It’s fucked up! It genuinely creeps me out, and I swear it makes the atmosphere so low energy here. My dad keeps renovating the house but he doesn’t give a single fuck about lighting. The lighting in his home is SO bad, like actually shit, and even with that he turns them off constantly.
I know this is rambling but it bothers me. My mom suffers from depression and they just sit in darkness and it’s so …. it disturbs me. It just makes me fucking sad. There’s a lot of problems in our family, not are super severe but we have problems. I just don’t understand these people. They save a few goddamn cents per day and holy fuck the atmosphere in this house is sad and low energy and I don’t like visiting ðŸ˜
tl:dr
My parents prefer to sit in darkness every night rather than paying maybe a dollar for decent lighting, and my mom suffers from depression and I don’t get why anyone would choose this
27 comments
Darkness drives me nuts too. My father in law always turns off lights when he enters a room. I get it- in his case he has migraines and the light often triggers them – but like, he does not understand why I actually enjoy having the light on if I’m in a room 😂
Drives me crazy.
My in-laws like it dark too. You can walk in the middle of the day in August and it’s so dark. Every window has blinds and black out curtains and the only light comes from a 40 watt bulb.
My grandparents do this as well.
They’re immigrants who left during a civil war and originally from a very rural (read: poor) area. As such, they’re very frugal. Think about it this way: you turn on a light when it’s too dark to do something otherwise. If you aren’t doing anything that strictly requires a light, why turn it on?
It’s not that there’s “light on” and “light off”. The view is that there’s “normal” and “light on”. Darkness is the “default” so to speak.
Since they’re retired now, they just wake up when it is light out, and go to bed when it is dark. It doesn’t seem to bother them much.
Perhaps your parents are similar?
My parents never put on lights or open a single curtain. Their house is dark and “still.” When I go by I usually open up some curtains, turn on lamps, cut some flowers or foliage from their garden and bring it in. I tried to get them some smart outlets so they could voice command all their lamps, but they never installed them (my bad bc I shoulda just done it for them). Maybe try the route I’ve gone which is lowkey help them in that area when you’re around. Depends how stubborn they are I guess
Are they for or against candles?
I know this is gonna sound snarky, but…let them live how they want to live? I’m your age, so I’m guessing your parents are 60-70? They probably know how they like it in their house. My mom’s house is “low energy” too, but…she’s freaking elderly. That’s just what happens as our parents get old. I still go see her and deal with the parts that I don’t like or find boring or whatever because she’s my mom, she’s getting older, and she’s not going to be around forever…and I don’t mean that figuratively, she’s got cancer.
If your parents aren’t exhibiting any other signs of depression other than keeping it dark and idk, being old…it’s fine.
Have they not upgraded to CFLs or LEDs? Maybe that could be a Christmas gift from you. Sometimes I think we have to treat our aging parents like kids and guide them toward the ideas/upgrades they may not even be thinking about because they’re stuck in their routine.
I feel like this is a boomer thing. My parents are like this – every time I come over all the blinds are shut and there’s barely any light, so a beautiful summer day is dark and somber. They just like it that way for some reason.
Sorry some of you were raised by vampires! I wish you love and light in your adult lives away from the dank.
its not your house, so just stop going over
My parents always keep the light much dimmer than I ever would. They have said though that they find the bright light to harsh on their eyes and that it’s an age related change.
I’m not old (younger than you by a few years) and far prefer the atmosphere of fewer lights on. I love the ambiance of a dark room with one smaller light on – where you feel depression, I feel coziness. I also suffer from bad depression, but the lighting in my place doesn’t reflect sad depression, it reflects comfort. A dark room with a candle lit is cozy as all hell. I would choose this every single night over a fully lit room. Sitting in the dark with a candle while playing my switch is my ideal night.
You don’t have to understand why they do it. It’s their home. Even if it’s to save money, it’s how they are choosing to live. If you don’t like visiting because of it, then stop visiting. I personally find that a little dramatic, but it’s your choice to do so.
probably f;r energy savings. get them some warm LEDs.
My mom 61 has suffered from severe depression since she was 14 and she also sits in almost complete darkness. It gave me a complex growing up and now I’m really claustrophobic and have all my windows open in my home
I keep the lights off in my house damn near all day . I just like the dark
Maybe get them some candles? They provide a warm light and a nicer atmosphere.
My husband is a vampire.
I’m a light appreciating head shrinker, but our house is pretty dark during summer days because 114 is hard for the ac to keep livable
If you are in a financial situation to do so, I would suggest buying your parents some LED light bulbs. Hype up the energy savings. I would put the first one in the stairwell, “because I am afraid of falling while I’m here,” and ask to leave it on at night. When dad sees no rise in the electric bill, ask to add one in ankther room. Maybe the loght they usually leave on – with a 100 watt equivalent.
And I personally bought my stepmother a phototherapy lamp. 30 minutes a day, indirect exposure, did enough to help her seek some sun after a couple weeks because she realized she really did feel less depressed.
Spend less time w them; they won’t change.
if it was up to me, my house would be dark all the time! it feels comfortable and cozy to me. meanwhile, my boyfriend turns on every light in the apartment as soon as he wakes up, and i find it to be really harsh and overstimulating.
growing up, my parents were poor and insisted on having as few lights on as possible to save on energy, and i guess i just got used to it! it feels wasteful to have all the lights on when you don’t really need that much light, at least to me. being raised that way put me in the habit of not using a lot of lights, and somewhere along the line, i realized i preferred it that way anyhow.
Maybe talk to your parents about how you feel. Hopefully they’ll compromise and improve lighting situation.
There’s also many types of lights that are less eye straining for light-sensitive persons. Also you could bring with you a battery operated lantern.
Buy your mother some lovely candles or even a candle lamp. Ask her to light some for you. Remind her to put them out before she goes to bed.
If it bothers you that much how they live you may want to take a step back and maybe not visit so much. I’m not sure of anyone that I know that goes and stays a few days with their parents 1-2 times a month. Seems a bit excessive and now that’s turning into you finding things that bother you.
Do you know how your mom feels about it? Maybe she doesn’t like it, and then you could give her some (real or battery-powered) candles or a nice reading lamp or something as a gift. But equally possibly she likes it – I definitely love being home in the mostly-dark, it feels cozy and snug! My depression, if anything, gets worse in the higher-daylight times of year. You may be imagining some correlation that doesn’t exist.
But for your own visits I think it would be fine to ask if you could turn on some extra lights – make it sound like a favor they can do for you.
What a dramatic post over nothing! I personally prefer low lighting at home. I need it bright to work and for whatever other tasks I’m doing, but when I want to chill out and relax I don’t want brightness.
Its just personal preference, they might be equally uncomfortable if you forced them to have every light at full brightness. If you have such a problem with such a silly thing, get a hotel room for the night.
We keep our house dark too. Only have the light in the room we’re occupying and if we’re watching tv at night it’s off. It’s not your house so either suck it up or stop staying the night.
Are they literally sitting in silence or are they like, chatting and reading?
But… it’s their house. They can live how they want in it. I’m your age, financially very stable, and keep the lights off to save money too. Why would you need more than a lamp on in the room you are in? Seems quite excessive and wasteful to have tons of lights on if you don’t need them.