So wanting some other perspectives since I can’t really talk about this with friends and family. And I am a bit embarrassed for my decisions on this situation, which is why I’m using a throwaway account.
I (30M) have been dating this girl (26F), let’s call her Anna. It was intense in the beginning of the relationship and we connect very well and I think we understand each other very well and our communication style fits perfectly. But obviously we barely talk anymore, maybe once every 6 months.
So a bit of back story, during the first few months of dating, I being immature and having bad anxiety and not being good at processing my emotions I kind of broke up with her because of anxiety and low self-esteem. The issue got resolved in about a week and we tried to start things off again but obviously I tainted our relationship. She had a trip planned for end of the year and was going to visit me on her travel journeys, which she obviously cancelled after that event. I should add that we met online.
I recognized my issues and sought some counseling and made a conscious effort to process and manage my emotions, anxiety, low self-esteem, to which I didn’t escalate to that degree of destructiveness since. It was a journey.
So, I was going through my honours year the year after the break up make up. So she allowed me some distance to focus on my studies but would immediately respond whenever I contacted her. The year after that, communication became less frequent and her responding when I made contact became more and more delayed. For the past 3 years she basically only contacts me at the new years period and mid year, to which we speak for a few days and then she stops all contact.
After the break up make up, she stopped telling me what is happening in her life and I actually have no idea what she’s doing. I asked whether she’s at uni atm, which she replies with “yes” (her dad wants her to be a doctor and he is a surgeon). So I’m guessing that the distance between us is because she is studying at medical school, and gave me the same distance during my honours year that she wants when she is studying. This is how she usually communicates too, where when she would say I would like something or it would be good for me to do something she actually means she wants that or wants to do that.
I feel I’m getting too old to wait and find out whether she’s genuine. I have a degree of social-anxiety too so it’s not too easy for me to meet someone new, so I think I would need time to find someone to date again.
What are some takes and perspectives on this situation?
10 comments
Wait so you’re in a relationship with her but have only been talking like every 6 months? Is it monogamous? Is it a thing where you both like/love each other and have made an agreement to not talk much?
So you never met her in real life?
I’m sorry but this is sad. Talk once every 6 months, never met her in real life. How is she even worth the amount of text you wrote.
If you talk only every 6 months, then she’s a penpal. Go find someone local who you can communicate with more often.
Question: What did you expect after 1,2,3,4 Years of the “online” relationship and never met in real life?
When meeting in real life is not happening in the first few months stop it. Better you look out for someone who is close to your area so there is the chance of meeting each other.
You aren’t dating her and haven’t been in a very long time, if ever.
Dude… You never dated and you’re for sure not currently dating… How have you two not met in the 5 years that you were “dating”. This post is definitely a joke cause I can’t really believe you my dude.
I’m sorry for being like this but bro you should have moved on 5 years ago and met someone IRL… How do you plan on having kids with her? Thought the phone?
I’m honestly in disbelief…
She was just your penpal, there was nothing serious in it and there was no relationship. You should’ve been meeting within the first couple of months. She most likely found someone close by
Based on OP post I don’t think this counts as an actual relationship because they have never met in real life and only talk every 6 months. Not to mention according to OP they have “dated” for over 5 years despite never meeting in real life. I have never had a gf or been on a date so I could be wrong. However, based on my understanding the woman is no different than a pen pal. Speaking of the 5-year mark It’s been 5 years and you still haven’t met in person what the heck? I think OP should ditch her and find someone that they can meet in person.
It sounds like you two aren’t in an exclusive relationship and have broken up. Even if by some miracle she hasn’t moved on and dated other people in all these years, her asking you to wait for her is unfair. If you want to date her then ask her to be in an exclusive relationship and meet up already. If you can’t/won’t or she rejects you outright finally instead of stringing you along for years, move on friend.