Hi Reddit,
Looking for any nuggets of wisdom y’all can give. Myself and my husband (28F and 28M) are entering the house-hunting phase of our lives and we have a tough situation to decide. Right now, we’re both at jobs we really enjoy, a great local friend group, and about 15 minutes from my parents. We don’t have any kids yet but plan on having them.
My husband’s mom owns her father’s house another part of the state about 2 hours away, which is a custom built small house, but on a large plot of land. This house would need a lot of renovations/additions, but would have no mortgage. It’s in one of the top 5 school districts in the state and about 15 minutes from his mom’s house. The cons of this house are mostly immediate-cons: we would both have to relocate from our jobs (that we both really like), we have no friends in the area, and it would be a lot of work up-front to make the house liveable.
Our other option is a cheap house in the area we’re in now, which also requires a lot of renovation work but is close to my parents and would allow us to stay at our jobs and be close to our current social circle of friends. (Also a decent school district, about 15 minutes from my parents, and lower property taxes than the other house.)
Financially, we are totally comfortable with either house and the amount of work that has to go into both. His grandfather’s house, monthly, would only be about half of the monthly payment that the local house would be.
Obviously, there are a *lot* of pros to a basically-free house on a lot of land in a great school district, but the social and emotional costs of moving up there also aren’t insignificant. In general, we have a better relationship with my parents than his mom, but my husband’s only family is his mother and a brother (also in his mom’s county).
We’ve basically reached a point where my husband’s mom is going to have to sell his grandfather’s house in the next few years because she can’t afford the taxes on that house and her own. The problem is, it feels like the potential house in our current county is the best place for us for the next 3-5 years, but the house near his mom is a better 10+ years option for future kids’ schooling and finances.
Any advice would be so appreciated!
17 comments
Is there any option for you guys to pay the taxes on the house that’s further away while you still live in the area that you want to? That’ll relieve the burden on his Mom while still giving you the option to move there in 5-10 years.
It’s not really a free house you’re missing out on without strings attached because your mother in law is only giving it to you if you live it in. You can’t take it and sell it. 10+ years is a long time to invest in something that you may want in the future.
> We’ve basically reached a point where my husband’s mom is going to have to sell his grandfather’s house in the next few years because she can’t afford the taxes on that house and her own
You said it would be basically free if you moved in. This problem would happen either way.
So it wouldn’t be free if you moved in?
Why couldn’t you help pay the property tax on it?
Time to figure out your priorities.
Jobs come first – you’re basing all of your calculations regarding Grandpa’s house on your current financial situation, which will be entirely different if you choose to actually move in.
What are the job prospects in the new place?
You’ll be starting over socially too, but there are some places where that can be fun – what are the social aspects of the new area? Is there a city nearby or is it like 3 local dive bars and that’s it?
What if you accept the house, and rent it out? The rental income can pay for the taxes and cost of upkeep.
That way you can stay in your current location, but have the option in the future to move.
> but the social and emotional costs of moving up there also aren’t insignificant.
don’t downplay this to yourselves. these costs are HIGHLY significant. living in a stressful or not ideal situation day after day for years will take its toll. lots of people might say they’re willing to be a little uncomfortable for a few years but are you really going to be okay with this betting that it might pay off 10 years down the line?
where and how you live matters, not just the straight up dollars and cents of it, or else a lot more people would move into super low cost of living areas. Don’t underestimate the value of having your friends in the area as well. That emotional support network matters. Being somewhere where all you can rely on for your social needs is your husband and maybe his mom is a quick path to feeling isolated and resentful. And depending on HOW much work/reno this house needs, you could find yourselves getting sapped of a lot of money very quickly, especially right now while housing reno supply and labor are still kind of tenuous. It’s sad to have to sell the house, but imo selling it and maybe using that to help your husband’s mom invest in her own house and retirement plans sounds better.
Everything is going well for you now, so don’t rocking the boat. The house is not free, nobody wants to live near mother in law.
Why doesn’t she sell the house and give you the money rather than have you give up everything and move into a money pit? What will be your obligations? You pay for all the necessary repairs but have no stake in the house, building no equity?
She can also rent out the space. If it can’t cash flow as a property with no mortgage, there’s no way it would be a good deal for you to move there.
Some random unorganized thoughts:
– I sort of made the mistake of staying in a city because of “friends” when I was in my 20-30’s. You can make new friends, and especially when you have kids you’ll find a whole new group of people. Don’t want to say that friends aren’t important but friendships are fluid and are probably not a great factor in long-term life-changing decision making. (In my 50’s btw)
– Jobs are another story. Consider not just the current job situation but the long-term prospect for employment for both of you. Which is the better location for your careers?
– Is there an emotional/sentimental value attached to your grandfather’s house? If it means something to keep the place and land in the family, that could be worth something.
– The land…how much is it and can it be developed or split into other properties? Is the area growing, with potential for that land to be worth something much bigger down the road?
– Besides friends and your parents, what other benefits does your current location offer vs. the other place? What do you like to do and what is a better location for that? But keep in mind something my older friend told me: “my wife says we should stay in the city because we can go to the opera and museums…but we never fucking go to the opera and museums!”
Either way I think you’re gonna be fine. Good luck.
So many cons here. If you can afford a house in your current city, I’d do that instead and not move. For me, the friends, your parents, and your good jobs are worth so much more. You will have a better quality of life in your current city!
That’s not free. That is a lot of money. Renovations are not cheap especially if you do it right. I would stay where I’m at if I’m happy there. Happiness is more valuable than a free house.
Unless she’d be immediately transferring ownership of the whole property, I’d pass. If anything, I’d turn it into a rental income. Maybe there’s some tiny home people looking for land to lease and electricity/water hookups so you don’t even have to touch the house. Or you could let someone live in it for free in exchange for doing the reno work. Or rent out land allotments for people wanting a farming plot or neighboring farms.
You know what’s best for your family now but it’s next to impossible to know what will be good for your family 10 yrs from now. You can move again in decade if that’s necessary and will have built equity in the home you want to buy.
Seeing as you can afford to live close to the life/friends/job/family you do want, I’d stay local. Those things are worth their weight in gold and if moving to the free house costs you those things, then it’s not a free house at all.
With the renos, it’s not free.
Leaving jobs, you like is another negative.
I don’t think taking the house just to have it makes sense. It sounds like you guys are much happier where you are, and happy parents will do a lot more for kids than a school district ranked slightly higher. You said the one near you is pretty good, so…
The house isn’t free. Renovating is not just work. Just think it need new electric. The heating need to be renewed. The roof is damaged… The windows are not tight. Especially older houses have also bad isulation. You now what this means with the raising heating costs?
You will spend so much money and work in it. And then you have MIL on your back who gave it to you… It will just be a question of time till she demand something for it. Maybe moving in when you have renovated it?
You also need to find new jobs, maybe they are not so great as the old ones.
Get a house you are fully happy with and not because it is free.
I lack a lot of information regarding your situation here, but what I learned from a very wealthy man was that owning something”free and clear” doesn’t benefit you- making your money work for you does. If you can afford it, invest when great opportunities arise, and increase your equity and passive income.
Take the house and renovate it (preferably into a duplex if there is enough space and you can get the permits). Rent it out. Having the two units gives you more rent and more stability(like if a tenant we’re to move out, you still have the other tenants rent to buffer any payments). Make passive income while the equity on the property grows over time. Homes only increase in value long term and cash decreases in value as inflation rises. Play the long game.Hell, maybe one day you sell it and buy a triplex or fourplex and really get the ball rolling. The more units you have in one building the easier they are to manage and the more money they make and the more money the building is worth!
If you are worried about people making rent in this economy, look into section 8. The government doesn’t miss their payments- even during covid or a market crash, and it can help people who are down bad get a roof over their head in areas where they might not otherwise be able to afford it.
If you have any questions or want more guidance I’m happy to help. This is what my in-laws do, so I’ve been learning first hand why it works and how to make it happen. You have an opportunity to set yourselves and your family up for life here! Don’t let it slip away! Good luck!