A few times when we go out for a meal and drinks my wife’s got totally drunk and she really wants sex so we do but the next day she says did we do anything because she can’t remember I’m finding it all very confusing.

47 comments

  1. She’s your wife. Ask her in advance while she’s still sober. If when sober she says it’s ok to proceed when she’s asking for it while drunk you’re good to go.

  2. So I am totally the same. I drink way to much, have crazy hot sex n then I don’t remember the next day. It makes my husband uncomfortable that I don’t remember having sex with him but I reassure him that it’s OK. It would be worrying if I was having sex with someone else tho đŸ€Ł

  3. Everyone has different thoughts/boundaries regarding this.

    I’d talk with her while she’s sober and ask if she’s okay with doing sexual things/having sex while she’s drunk. If she’s says yes, you’re good! If she says no then make sure in the future you respect that and turn her down while she’s drunk.

  4. It’s not okay to have sex with her until you have her enthusiastic, sober and written consent, signed with a witness.

  6. I mean, this is bound to happen in all long-term term relationships at some point.

    Just have a quick chat about how the both of you feel about that sort of situation, and that’s it, case closed.

    Beginning of my current relationship we discussed consent for various situations like this, or initiating sex while the other person is sleeping, etc etc

    This isn’t a stranger, just establishing guidelines going forward

  7. Talk to her about this. Ask how she feels when you tell her did something that she has no memory of.

    If she doesn’t mind having no memory of if, then sure go ahead. If she is uncomfortable with having sex when she is so wasted she can’t even remember it, then don’t.

    Let what she says sober guide the decisions you make when she is drunk.

  8. Yes.

    I’m assuming you answer with yea we had sex last night. So if she hasn’t said “oh I wish you wouldn’t do that” then she’s fine with it.

    I do not get whiskey dick in any way. So Ive been blackout drunk before and my wife has told me we had sex and I don’t remember any of it. All I say is “hope it was good”. If it bothered me I would bring it up.

    Same with your wife imo if it bothered her the next day she most likely would have said something by now.

  9. Have the conversation with her when she’s sober and ask her if she consents in such a situation.

  12. I have had sex plenty times with my hubby when I have been drunk but then again I have always remembered the next day. I never get drunk enough to forget things.

  13. My wife has given me explicit permission to have sex with her when she’s drunk or high. Often the next morning she will ask me if we had sex and gets super turned on when I tell her we did. It’s a matter of talking about it before hand and knowing exactly how she feels about it.

  16. Personally yes I’m fine with it. Your wife may be different. You need to ask her when she’s sober how she feels about it.

  17. I asked my husband about this. He said we’ve both been drunk and done things together, but if he was more sober than me, and able to make coherent decisions and I was proper drunk, he wouldn’t have sx with me. Because I just can’t consent properly. He would just tuck me up in bed with a bucket. I respect that very much, and he has done that a few times and I’ve been upset in the moment from what I remember but the next morning felt grateful.

  19. I think if it is wife and you do sex that is normal for you it is ok.

    If your are crossing her border and do kinky stuff that she would not do, unless drunk it is not ok.

  22. I always tell my fiancĂ© to fuck me whenever he wants even if I’m drunk or asleep. I find it really hot. Sometimes I don’t remember what happened because i was so tired/sleepy, but either way i see no harm if full trust is established between partners.

  23. I would ask her when she’s *sober*, BEFORE she starts drinking if she’s okay having sex while blackout drunk. If she says yes, then I think it’s okay.

    But I’m a little concerned that your wife is regularly drinking to the point of having blackouts to begin with. A person who is blacked out could throw up while sleeping due to loss of reflex control and potentially choke or suffocate on their own vomit. Make sure you turn her on her side when she’s asleep and keep an eye on her. There’s also the fact that someone that drunk can easily fall and injure themselves.

    In addition to these immediate dangers, there are also long-term health consequences from blacking out. Heavy drinking to the point of blacking out can cause degenerative problems and have lasting effects on the brain. Chronic alcohol consumption harms the frontal lobe, which is the part of the brain that controls cognitive function and memory formation. Regular damage to the frontal lobe can impair behavior and personality, the ability to perform tasks, and memory retention.

    While blackouts don’t *necessarily* indicate that she has Alcohol Use Disorder, they are a significant short-term and long-term health risk. I strongly urge you to try to get your wife to moderate her drinking and cut it way back.

    .

  24. I would say generally speaking, yes, it’s fine. Obviously some possible exceptions (so drunk she can’t even function, previously established the she’s not on board with it, etc).

    If my wife got all liquored up and wanted some action, and I told her “No, you’re to drunk to consent,” she would be PISSED. Both in the moment and the next day.

    There’s a bit of implied consent insofar as things that would normally be a bit shady or just plain wrong in a hookup scenario aren’t wrong within the context of a long term relationship. Drunk sex is one of the things that fall into that category.

  25. _it’s a sad day for humanity when you have to ask total strangers if it’s okay to have sex with your own wife…wtf man!_

  26. She’s your wife, not ours. Ask her, not us! A marriage is more than having the same bank account and chindren. Talk, discuss, trust.

  27. Of course….its your wife…..I only get to put it in my wife’s ass when she’s drinking and she never regrets it

  28. Me and my wife talked about this ahead of time when we were both sober. We agreed that if one or both of us is drunk and wanting sex, that it’s okay. But that we don’t ever try anything new or different, even if the drunk person requests it. You should talk about it when you are both sober and establish boundaries ahead of time.

  29. I’ve done this as a wife. You are fine. You are married and she specifically asked for it. It’s not like you picked her up at a bar. She’s your spouse and you both love each other

  30. I think this is almost a poll-type question. Everyone has different boundaries and I think if you talk to your wife what she consents to and doesn’t consent to is completely up to her, as long as she doesn’t feel pressured by you.

    Personally I’d hate it if society decided that I can’t consent to something in advance even if I’m not under duress, not being manipulated, and I’m completely sober and lucid. I make decisions all the time that will affect me in the future where I can’t easily just back out even if I want to, such as employment contracts or buying stuff. And in this case I’m sure your wife can change her mind during and you’ll respect that and stop.

    If she doesn’t remember anything the next day I think the main issue is that *she’s drinking way too much*. She’s damaging her brain and this should not something that happens regularly.

    That said, is she okay with not having a memory of this? I mean, the least you could do is record it for her…

  32. I would be confused as well, if I were in your shoes! In my honest opinion, the only “right” answer here is that if she regularly gets so drunk she literally can’t remember what happened the night before, she should maybe reassess her relationship with alcohol. I don’t think it’s right to hold you responsible for her drunk actions, or to have you left feeling confused and uncomfortable because of what she’s done and what she can and can’t remember.

  33. For me it’s a yes. I completely trust my SO. However, that situation has come up and it makes him uncomfortable so he has decided against it. I respect his decision.

    However, everyone is different so it depends on the person.

  34. Seems to me like more of a problem that she habitually gets so drunk she can’t remember anything.

  35. Each couple has their boundaries and a convo between your wife and yourself should be had regarding this topic.

    My wife has no issues in having drunken sex and if anything she’d be so disappointed if I don’t take advantage of her when she’s tipsy!!

    Our best sex has been when we’re both a little intoxicated where we can let our inhibitions go. Just sayin hnmmm

  36. Ask her, not reddit.
    Its your relationship, we are not religion to gaze and judge what you do in your bed.

  37. I have no problem with it at all. That is kind of the good thing about being in a long term, committed relationship with a trusted partner. If I am drunk, or she is drunk, nobody is going to care in the morning. If anything, we find it kind of funny. Sure, that may vary by individual, but overall, we have an implied consent until someone says otherwise, which also comes with its own responsibilities.

  38. As long as yall have discussed consent while sober, then of course. Don’t let chronically online redditors tell you otherwise (I’ve definitely seen them try).

    It is normal (and fun) for people wanting to fuck their partner while they’re drunk/high.

  39. I think it is fine if she normally is willing to do it. It is not like you are pressuring some girl you just met that doesn’t know you. I mean is she going to have regrets or feel guilty for having done it with her husband??!

  40. There’s a lot of people saying that you need to talk to your wife about consent, and that is honestly the wrong conversation. You need to talk about her drinking habits. Getting tipsy and drunk is fine, but no one should be planning to get black out drunk – it’s super unhealthy and dangerous, and could be the sign of a substance abuse problem.

    I would start by figuring out why she is getting so intoxicated and seeing if you can help.

  41. People have been having drunk sex since the invention of both sex and alcohol.

    Let ‘er rip.

  42. I’d be pissed at my husband if he didn’t because of a moral high ground, after 13 years of marriage.

    But results may vary.

  46. With a spouse that’s usually going to be fine unless she has said while sober that she doesn’t want you to. With someone you’ve never slept with before, I have had a policy since college that we DO NOT have sex for the first time if she is drunk. No matter what she says. Sober the first time, always.

  47. I would have sex with my ex-wife when she was moderately drunk, but on the few occasions that she was sloppily, falling down drunk, like at an all-inclusive resort, I honestly had no desire to have sex with her.

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