Normally my boyfriend and my sex life is really great. The last few times have been especially good. But yesterday we had sex after not seeing each other for a week and it was just kind of…meh.
We were both really aroused in the beginning but after some kissing and rubbing, he lost his erection and then I think that made me overthink and it became hard for me to orgasm when usually it’s pretty easy.
He did finger me until I came, but he went soft again. And then we tried more foreplay, then penetration until he came but it was really short.
I don’t know. We talked about it afterwards and both agreed it was out of the norm for us, and what things we could change next time. But is this okay? For couples to sometimes be out of sync and the sex isn’t as great? I’ve never been in a longer relationship like this before.
35 comments
Yes, normal
yes. meh sex happens all the time. Sometimes you just do it cause your partner wants it but you are not fully invested so you just go with the flow.
Stress from work & general daily life can effect sex. Meh sex is pretty common so don’t overthink it. It happens to everyone.
Yes, almost every couple will have times where its awkward, weird. Its just part of sex that its a bit variable sometimes.
Yeah thats pretty normal, having mindblowingly amazing sex every time is just unrealistic and isnt gonna happen
Of course it’s okay. Why wouldn’t it be okay?
Not only will you have “meh” sex sometimes, you will sometimes have straight-up disastrous sex.
Not every sex session will be 10/10.
jeez we aren’t machines, sometimes our bodies don’t play along.
overthinking him going soft is going to add more pressure which will make him go more soft and cause you to overthink it
Imagine this: every single day you get to go to your favorite restaurant or food truck. Everyday. Absolutely amazing. Imagine all the ingredients that go into your favorite meal, the prep work by the cooks, making sure it isn’t overdone or underdone, the seasoning is just right.
Sex is that complicated, too. Wouldn’t it be weird if that meal was perfect literally every time? Or would it make sense that once in a while an ingredient is off, they overcooked it, or the chef has a splitting headache and isn’t as careful??
Obviously, the chef wants every meal to be perfect so they can retain customers, and get new ones. It’s never intentional that the meal is off, it is what it is.
Meh sex is fine. Keep loving your partner and try again!
Depends. Are you putting a show on at the Madison Square Garden?
You can’t always be at your best
Regular is more important than good. Orgasms are nice but physical bonding is more important.
It happens. Don’t over think it. Don’t worry about it. It just happens sometimes.
The worst is when you get into an argument during sex. You think, how could an argument start during sex. Sigh. It happens. Super rare (for us). But, unfortunately, it does happen.
Meh sex happens more often now that we’re both older. Sometimes we do it just because it’s been a while.
Yes, this certainly happens, it’s perfectly normal. My wife (67f) and I (65m) have a pretty high average, the sex is usually great and always at least nice, but every now and then it’s just not quite happening. I’ve never been able to discern any reason for it. Neither of us are stressed, both in good health, crazy in love with each other. It’s just kinda random. After the first few times it happened, we just stopped worrying about it. The next time is gonna be great again.
I know at the time it seems like a big deal, I don’t blame either of you for being worried. But really, don’t be. As long as it’s only occasionally meh, just chalk it up to normal variation. If anything, you can use it to reaffirm that even if the sex is meh this one time, your love is still just as strong.
What about naked cuddling when you’re feeling “off”? Intimacy doesn’t always have to = sex.
It’s pretty normal. My wife and I have been married for almost a decade now, together for a few years longer. We have lots of good sex and the occasional meh sex.
Saturday night we had some pretty meh sex. A friend of mine is dying from a sudden unexpected illness and I’d just gotten the news and was pretty depressed and I think we both thought that would make it better but neither of us were terribly into it. I had issues staying hard, we were both pretty tired, etc. We both orgasmed but it just wasn’t great for either of us. It happens.
Sunday I spent a bunch of time exercising, getting caught up on things around the house, going to the gun range to blow off a bit of steam, etc just trying to get in a better headspace and was feeling a lot better. She surprised me with a really enthusiastic rimjob and blowjob right after I got done putting our son to bed and that was amazing. So much better than the night before but we were both in a little better headspace and more into it.
That sort of stuff is totally normal. We have a lot more good sex than bad but there is bad sex occasionally. Usually the sex a few days after is some of the best.
I would venture to say that after being married for ten years, most sex is just meh.
Wait till you’re really trying to have a baby… becomes a transaction 😂
Yes it’s fine. In those cases, when you’re both “done” change the focus to after care. And it will really even out the experience.
Sounds completely normal to me.
It happens. The good thing is you get to try again!
It happens, don’t worry too much about it. The good thing is that you guys talked about it afterwards. Communication is key. It’s also important to make sure both of you don’t let the stress of a repeat performance impact your next time. It’s okay not to come everytime, it’s okay to check midway if you’re both still into it.
It’s fine. Things like this happen. If it starts happening on a consistent basis, then there miht be reason for concern.
Even Babe Ruth didn’t knock it outta the park every time at bat
Sometimes it’s stress or even just a clouded head. Sometimes it’s that we find ourselves in a routine. You both are doing a wonderful thing in acknowledging how it felt and working to address it. Another thing I would add is to not make sex the eventual goal. Sometimes my wife and I mess around without the expectation that it will lead to sex. It takes a lot of pressure off and just lets us enjoy the moment. Often times I used to turn down my wife because I knew I didn’t have the capacity for sex that day, but removing that expectation let us enjoy the foreplay on its own.
If it’s a matter of routine, try exploring. Talk to each other or fill out an online questionnaire to identify some new things you might like to try (we use Spicer because the app is a great way to keep track of those desires and nudge each other when we’re really in the mood for something).
I farted during my orgasm the other day and it smelled so bad he lost his boner. It happened last week and I still can’t quit thinking about it 🙁
Yeah I’d say it’s pretty normal
Meh sex is good sometimes.
We’ve been together 2 1/2 years and at the beginning sex was great, but life gets in the way and you end up just having meh sex.
It doesn’t mean that your relationship has an issue.
yes that’s usual, not all times can be the best, sometimes there’s stress, tiredness, just simply not feeling it. if there’s no meh sex, there can be no great sex
Without meh sex you can’t know what is good sex.
Happens, sometimes it’s better than others. The very idea of these being “Good” sex means that by definition there must be something worse. It’s all good, long as the both of you actually want sex to be fun and good, you’re golden. Now get back on that horse, next time you have sex, just try to relax
We call that “maintenance sex”. I’ve been with the same woman for twenty years. We’re still very much in love and have an active sex life, but you can’t expect to see stars every time. Sometimes, it’s fucking magical. Sometimes, we’re cleaning the pipes. It’s all good.
They can’t always be winners. It’s perfectly normal when you’ve been together for a while and have had sex hundreds of times. Eventually you will get to a point where you can turn it around despite it starting off meh or getting meh in the middle of it.
Of course it’s OK. Maybe not OK if it becomes the norm, but perfectly understandable if now and then it just doesn’t click for some reason.
My boyfriend and I have sex 1-2 times a week. He’s a blue collar worker and I work in an office.
We both have depression, and have been going through a rough patch lately, not with eachother just with our depression. 99.9% of the time, the sex is fantastic, but that .1% the sex can be meh. Meh for us meaning, it doesn’t last long, doesn’t feel as good etc. but, that doesn’t bother me so much since we have a great relationship.
Sex can’t be perfect 100% of the time, that’s just unreasonable. But you can’t let that meh sex affect you.