To everyone that has been through a divorce. What do you regret the most for not doing, please? While you were together, or during the divorce process. Thank you.

36 comments

  3. Not doing it sooner. No matter how hard this moment is…the next one will be much better than the last.

  4. Regret that I forgiven her after her first cheating episode hoping she will change. Birch surprised me again 🤬

  6. My ex- and I parted about as amicably as possible. We didn’t hire lawyers, and we were able to split things up pretty well. The only tricky thing was the house. We came to an agreement that I had 10 years to re-fi the mortgage and get her off the deed, and what to do if the house increased in value. We wrote it as well as we could, and submitted it to the court.

    We should have had lawyers review the document. We should have had it written in clear, unambiguous language that we could both refer to ten years later when things got forgotten, so we both would know what to expect. We didn’t… so ten years later, lawyers got involved. I wound up writing a check I didn’t want to write, and re-financing my mortgage for more than I wanted to, because I didn’t get lawyers involved when we divorced.

    Pay for a lawyer. Pay for two lawyers: one for you, one for her. No matter how amicable it might be, no matter how nice you both are, get a professional to make sure everything says what you meant it to say, no less and no more.

  8. I most regret getting married. I think I handled things pretty damned well, considering how abusive and manipulative she was. I gave it my honest best effort.

  9. The answers here are why I am fucking scared of committing to anyone at all and considering staying single forever.

  10. That I allowed it to get to thst point.

    I caved on my boundries too many times, didnt stick up for myself, and catered too much to her during the relationship.

    I set the precedent that this was ok for the relationship, and when I finally stood up for myself obviously it’s going to create conflict because our dynamic changed.

    If I stood up for myself since the beginning, that would have been the standard for the relationship, or she would have left and it wouldnt have gotten to a marriage.

  11. I’m not sure I could have/should have done anything different. I made full disclosures, didn’t do anything sneaky, made a fair settlement offer and was willing to negotiate. She acted in bad faith, was unreasonable, unwilling to engage in constructive discussions, and took me to trial. Last week we got our judgment and it was way worse for her than my initial offer. She got what she deserved.

    Such a waste of time, energy, and legal fees.

  12. That I just didn’t stand up tall at the first sign of the sinking ship, push my chair in, and walk away. The fighting, pleading, bargaining, F all that. It’s truly not worth it. Fighting for the concept of a marriage is tied to ego, let that noise go.

  14. Strange I don’t see anybody mentioning impact on children. I thought that would be a bigger one.

  15. I regret not calling off my wedding when I knew I was making a huge mistake. Our engagement was awful. Full of arguments, fights, and terrible behavior that no two people who were supposed to be starting off in the best part of their life together should be doing. We were even going to couples counseling… Our therapist said “do not get married yet”. But she was hell bent on it. By that time all deposits and fees were paid and I felt like the train had left the station and I better get onboard. So we got married. The fights got worse and worse until I was in a really dark place. We got into a real nasty fight where she was kicking and punching me. All I wanted to do was get out of the house but she was blocking the door with her body. I was seeing red and felt like I was about to explode mentally and physically. I called the police on myself as I feared what I might do. They came and told me to leave the house. I did. Soon afterwards I packed up and left for good. She was still in denial about how bad our marriage was and was telling me to come home so we could working things out. This was 5 years into the actual marriage. At that point i had given the marriage all I could give. Once I left I had no regrets.

  16. Should have tossed the towel in the ring and moved 1000 miles away immediately upon shit going south instead of hanging around, hoping for the best and being a punching bag for a year of my life. Divorces take time to recover from, don’t expend anymore of your time than is needed on this difficult task.

  20. Not getting a lawyer.

    We didn’t have the money, children, or the assets to require a lawyer and we were mostly able to agree how to split things. I probably wouldn’t have gotten anything from it but I could have gotten her into a tonne of legal trouble.

    I found out after we did everything that I could have received council from a lawyer through my school because of my student fees. So moral of the story, at the very least when you are getting served at least do some checking. You might have a lawyer available to you for a lot cheaper than you think.

  21. Not getting a lawyer and instead “divorcing amicably”

    She had accounts that I didn’t know about as well as I LATER realized that I walked away from the house and other stuff, paid for the credit card bills. All because I had some “magic internet money” that at the time was worth way more.

  23. I should have gotten out sooner. My ex-wife should have too.

    Everything we tried to do as a couple had this enormous amount of internal friction. Simple things constantly got too complicated. That’s a dead-on sign you shouldn’t be together, BTW. It’s not a solvable problem.

  24. I regret not filing for divorce early on. I kept thinking that things would get better, and of course they didn’t, so I just wasted years in a miserable relationship hoping for change, when there was really no chance of that happening.

    I regret getting married again when I knew that second marriage had about zero chance of success.

    I regret letting my fear of loneliness drive me to stay in relationships that were, in retrospect, abusive.

    I will never get married again, and I will never live with someone again. I live alone now and I am the happiest I have ever been. I date, I have a GF, but I also have boundaries and I have my own space.

    When your divorce is final, I encourage you to make that change in your life; Live alone, get comfortable with it, you will find that when you DO start dating again, will never subordinate your well being just to keep a relationship alive, because you won’t be afraid of breaking up.

  26. Nothing. I worked so hard to keep the marriage together. I wonder sometimes if my ex stepdaughter will ever want to talk about what happened, but that’s my only look back.

    I did everything I could so I wouldn’t have regrets.

  27. Not hiring a lawyer. I tried to be the “nice” guy and it failed spectacularly. She played me like a fiddle and I got a raw deal in terms of custody/child support and asset distribution. If she says she wants a divorce, put an attorney on retainer!

    If she asks you to move out, DO NOT MOVE OUT. If she’s that miserable, she can leave. Do not engage in any heated arguments. Walk away, walk away, walk away. Document and record. That stuff will matter in family court. Let your attorney help you navigate those decisions. Do not be a pushover in the hopes that she will change her mind. Stay strong, hire a lawyer, and protect yourself.

  29. My divorce was divine. It was lovely. I lost my job near the same time so I spent months just working out, doing what I wanted, driving fast on empty streets, without a care in the world other than getting caught or falling in love.

    What do I regret? I regret not doubling down on every single awesome day of that period of time in my life. Granted I enjoyed it plenty, but if I had another crack at it, I’d do everything exactly the same except I’d do it harder, faster, and more often.

    If you’re struggling to decide if divorce is right for you, it is.

  30. Honestly, you know before you got married that this was going to be a mistake.

    Listen to your gut before you sign the fucking contract.

  31. I’m going through a divorce right now. The marriage lasted 5 months and I had to leave. It’s so many factors I won’t get into, but I was miserable. We weren’t two peas of a pod and we fooled ourselves. I told her 2 months before the wedding (after a fight) that we should cancel the wedding. We should have followed through with that. The thing I regret is simply the failure of it all. She probably thinks I’m over here gloating about leaving her when the contrary is the truth. All my life I’ve battled with depression and that first month after leaving her was the worst. It all still eats at me and I know it’ll continue to eat at me. It’s lessened a whole lot though, thankfully.

  34. I regret not trying our hardest to prevent the divorce. One year after the divorce, now I realize there’s so much we could have fixed if we didn’t let emotions get in the way at the time.

    I regret not appreciating what we had with each other instead of focusing on what we both lacked in the marriage.

    I regret letting my ego get in the way all the time during arguments. I regret not trying my hardest to understand my husband.

    I love him so much & I know he cares about me deep inside but we will never be because we created so much resentment toward one another.

    I honestly think we could have been a successful marriage if we just worked together as a team on areas we slacked & understood one another better.

    We were young & naive. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Many lessons learned. I will implement these lessons in my next and hopefully, final, marriage.

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