I’m getting married next May. I (33F) both want to and have to get married. My fiance (36M) is from overseas and cannot join us permanently unless we are married. We have been engaged for 3 years already and have a child together.
I dont know why I can’t tell my Dad (64M) we have booked a date. I need to tell him. But everytime there is a moment I choke up and say nothing.
Why? Because my dad hasn’t met him. He won’t meet him until a month or two before the big day.
Of course he has met our daughter, his grandchild. He knows we are engaged but when I broke that news he rolled his eyes and has said literally nothing about my fiance since.
I think he thinks that our (currently) long distance relationship wont work out and I’ll just be a single mother – that’s my assumption though, I have no idea what he thinks, he isn’t very talkative. He is a strong and silent black man who does not put up with any ‘Foolishness’ this whole set up is weird for him.
Also my fiance is Turkish, in the UK there are some prejudices for example my sister (43F) who has also never met him assumes that he is a waiter and I met him in a bar. That’s not the case and even if it was, what wrong with that?? There are assumptions that hes after money and a visa. Well I can give him neither. Financially he is paying for his own visa and I am just marrying him – which I had planned to do anyway.
Same goes for my older brother (40M). I seem unable to tell him either. Again it was a strange thing for them when I landed home 1 year ago pregnant by a man neither of them had met. I feel like neither of them are going to take it seriously or not be exactly over the moon about it.
My mum (66F) knows and has met him but that’s it. No one else has, none of my friends, no one. Its going to be a lonely wedding for my fiance too as none of his family or friends will be there. I have no idea how my family will react to him.
Any advice in breaking the news? And the first introduction??
TL;DR: my father has never met my fiance and I am scared to tell him that we have a wedding date. He won’t meet him until a month before the big day. How do I tell him?
6 comments
Why can’t they videochat?
Just do it. Rip the bandaid off.
If they aren’t excited go elope and spend the money on a wicked honeymoon.
Try having them meet for the first time at a quiet restaurant. People will generally be on good behavior and the interuptions from staff and food can be very welcomed if things are getting awkward. You can also better control the timing if things are going well or not so well.
What about telling him makes you scared? That they won’t acknowledge it? Do you need their approval?
I feel like we’re missing the back story here. How did you guys meet? How long were you together, *in person*? Because all I see here is that he’s turkish, and that you flew back pregnant and decided to get engaged and then married. I’d be pretty concerned if I was your family too.
Um, you fucking grow a pair and do it. Wtf. Is this really worthy of asking strangers’ advice on Reddit? *facepalm
Of course, they are all vary and think of you as a single mum. You have a baby with a guy your family has never met except you and you are raising the baby alone. You never introduced them to each other at all. When your family don’t know your fiancé, how come they should have any positive thoughts about him? They are all going to go with the stereotype like he is after money and visa because he is from turkey. That’s not their fault because that’s how people from middle east and Asia are portrayed mostly. When you can’t even have the courtesy and respect to introduce your fiancé to your family and friends that in what world they should have any positive feeling about him?
For their eyes, you are a single mum and a dad who lives far away in a third world country and they have never seen him or heard anything good about him. For them, he haven’t even raised the child yet. So if you want acceptance and respect for your fiancé and your upcoming marriage then you gotta earn it.