There’s a girl in my class (first year college) that I have a crush on. I feel like she likes me too, but recently she and her female friends invited me to a concert (4 girls and me) and I kinda feel like I’m getting friendzoned by all of them but they subconsciously try to get my attention and they’re comfortable having “girly” conversations in front of me and asking for my opinion.
I believe the reason for that might be the fact that I’m more connected with my emotions than average men of my age are. They know I’m straight and I know they’re straight too, but I just want to know is it a good thing to be considered “harmlessness” among a group of girls? Does it ruin the possiblity of me getting into a relationship with the girl I’m interested in?
2 comments
Maaaaaybe, stop the overthink.
Love isn’t a game you are trying to win.
You have what you have with these girls, as a group and individually. Do not listen to the bullshit “rules”, and just enjoy your time with them, however it plays out.
Having four solid female friends is NOT going to make it harder for you to get a date. Just stop looking at them like pieces of meat you can’t eat, and get busy having their back, keeping their confidences, and celebrating their wins.
Scarcity in love is largely a thing you invent in your mind. These are not the only four women around you. Got a crush on one? Yay! But don’t treat it with urgency like she’s on fire, or like it’s the end of the world if she doesn’t reciprocate.
Think of the worst case scenario for a minute. Whatever you picture in your head, it likely results in your crush not liking you, and the whole friend group running for the hills. All other cases, aka reality, have a better outcome than that, even if few of them are falling madly in lifelong love with you and throwing a parade in your honor.
If you’re going to play games, play a longer game, where winning is more about learning how women work alone or in groups, making strong relationships with these and other women, and just trusting that the stars will align, eventually… and definitely FASTER if you leverage your experiences with the group, rather than pulling some weird macho powerplay where they are forced to see you as a romantic choice.
Truuuuust me, at your age, none of these romantic relationships are going the distance anyway, but being desperate to jump into that pool is going to leave you struggling where just relaxing and being yourself would’ve won the day over and over until the truly “right one” comes along.
Ugh. It hurts just to re-read your post. Soooo many guys worrying about the friendzone, when it’s the place you should want to be most. Ugh.
42M. Most of my friends are female. And I can think of about a billion worse things than being the only dude with a group of 4 girls. From an anthropological standpoint, they’ll all be competing for your attention.