Hello. I’m a 21F, & my M partner recently told me that he struggles from occasional ED . We talked about it, and I decided that I’m going to support my partner, find ways to make our sex life great regardless of his ED issue. My partner isn’t young (way past his 20s). We’re both very much attracted to each other and enjoy sexual intimacy (oral, fingering, & other foreplay) regularly. We haven’t had PIV sex yet. We are both happy in our relationship and this isn’t an issue that makes me want to leave the relationship at all. I ask that you all refrain from being negative as ED is a medical issue just like anorgasmia is, and this ISN’T a post about who I choose to date, it’s a post about a sexual issue.
We have opted to not use Viagra for now & focus on natural ways to please one another despite this ED issue.
What are some tips that you all could provide that can help us when we do have PIV sex ? What are some experiences that you have had with your partner that may struggle with ED or some other issue that may hinder great sex and how did you deal with it as a couple?
7 comments
ED at a young age isn’t normal really, when I was young I had times i couldn’t get it up but i watched alot of porn and that caused it.. Does he watch alot of porn?
Try a air pump or viagra
Sounds like you’re doing a lot of the right things already: approaching sex as a full-spectrum experience in which an erect penis isn’t a lone prerequisite.
So basically, approach sex as “everything exciting/pleasurable we can do” that doesn’t rely upon or focus on his penis. If it perks up and he’d like to add that into play? Great. If it goes flaccid, that’s ok too — don’t dwell on it, just move to something else. Treat it like fingers that cramp up during a handjob: people don’t stop and hold funeral ceremonies for cramped fingers…they just move onto something else! So treat the penis the same way.
Viagra works well or really any ED med does. No shame in it it’s OTC in most countries it’s got a stigma in the US since it’s prescription but it should be about as embarrassing at buying a pack of condoms
I think it’s all about being willing to mix it up and move away from PIV if things become a problem. ED meds do work well if your partner wants to try them.
The only really concrete advice I’d have for YOU as the partner is to ask him if there’s anything in particular he likes when he’s soft–I’ve had partners who actually still enjoy direct genital touching in a sensual way, others who are able to be sexual with other parts of their body (butt stuff/prostate being the obvious but I had a male partner who LOVED nipple play), and still others who would rather the focus be off of them and their bodies entirely for a little bit.
Has he checked his testosterone levels? I’m on TRT and it has helped hugely.
I had a bout of ED after my divorce, which extended into the first few months of dating my now second wife. I learned that I didn’t need an erection to cum. At all. I’d just lube up and jerk off by pulling mostly. So with my new partner I just explained that to her and she’d do the same. And of course we did all sorts of other things together in bed. My orgasms weren’t quite as good as with an erection, but as Woody Allen said, there are no bad orgasms.
I was seeing a therapist at the time and I asked her about it. She assured me that my divorce had hurt me really deeply and that I’d probably have no ED once I really trusted my partner. Sure enough, I never had it again.
Long way around saying, he doesn’t need to be hard to cum, he doesn’t need to be hard to have great sex. Try to take the focus off of it even being a problem, and the problem may resolve itself.