Should I tell the guy I wasn’t on birth control

47 comments

1. [deleted]

2. I would say you should tell him. At least it will release your stress.

3. Depending on your health, weight and timing (you say a couple of days ago), you still might be in the window for Plan B. It’s efficacy drops after the first 24 hours, but it still has effects for up to five days, per Planned Parenthood. It might be worth considering as an option; you can see if your friend wants to chip in, too.

   [EDIT: I typed this on my phone earlier and used “Plan B” conversationally instead of “emergency contraception.” Should’ve been more precise!]

4. Tell him

5. Unreal… that in 2022 this still happens…. And people wonder why they keep getting pregnant? Beyond ridiculous…..

6. I’m sorry, but to all these people jumping up to defend him and his “right to know”, he willingly made the decision to tap unprotected. He willingly decided not to have a conversation about contraception. Did they both fuck up? Yep. 100%. But is he somehow the victim? Nope! If two adults are mature enough to have sex, they’re mature enough to discuss consequences beforehand. Nevermind the risks of STI/STD. You’re all making it out as though she lied about being on BC when, in fact, two adults decided to be reckless and completely avoid an important conversation before having unprotected sex

7. Ultimately, he made his choice and he should have asked but since he didn’t you need to tell him. Contraception is the responsibility of BOTH partners and just because he failed to do his due diligence, it doesn’t absolve you from your responsibility either.

8. If you are pregnant, are you going to keep it? If you’re going to get an abortion no matter what he thinks, you don’t need to tell him. Worst case scenario he might try to prevent you from terminating. Odds are you’re not actually pregnant, but you don’t need to tell him until you know for sure AND you are planning to have the baby.

9. He didn’t ask.

   I don’t think you should tell him unless you do end up pregnant AND want to continue the pregnancy.

   “The right to know” my arse. I always tell my partners that i’m not currently on BC BECAUSE I want them to be extra careful with the condom. If you both are reckless, the situation is different. If the guy is not asking about it, it should be assumed he would be fine either way, not that the woman is on bc.

   As others have said, you may still be in the window for planB or EllaOne.

10. in the future, especially as someone in their mid 20’s, please tell any partner you’re not on birth control. please

11. Would you want to know if someone had AIDS before you had sex with them raw?

12. Yes you should. I’m surprised you didn’t on the spot. I’m almost always told right before we have sex. Though I’ve also always asked if they were or If they’d rather me cum somewhere else. Either way, he should’ve pulled out if you weren’t using condoms.

    But yes, tell him.

13. You don’t owe him an explanation of your fertility after the fact. I promise you this dude isn’t sitting at home stressing about whether or not to tell you that he hasn’t had a vasectomy because, you didn’t ask if he was sterile or not. Just like he didn’t ask you.

    Honestly, I’d say don’t mention it until you know. If you are pregnant and decide to keep it obviously you should tell him then but, I wouldn’t stress over it until then.

14. You don’t have to tell him jack shit. And you certainly don’t need to take responsibility for the worry it may cause him. If he’s not concerned enough to check in with you about it after (not to mention before) having unprotected sex with you, well that says something about his dumb ass, in my opinion.

    So if you want to tell him, I would consider how he might respond. To me the reason to tell him would be so that he could be with you (not have any say how you handle it, just be there) through the experience of finding out if you’re pregnant, and deciding what to do about it. So it could be helpful to talk to him about it if you think that he would be able to offer some support (which, based on the fact that he doesn’t care enough to bring it up, seems unlikely to me).

    But if he is not supportive, how will you feel? Will you wish you hadn’t told him? It might be worth feeling hurt though if that’s the price of finding out what kind of friend he really is.

    I’m sure there are other considerations here, these are just the ones that rise to the top of my mind.

15. I believe Paraguard is effective longer after the fact than Plan B. Might be worth checking out. Also I don’t see why you have to tell him this hot second since you’re due soon anyway.

    Edit for the folks who don’t know and are just downvoting me anyway: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/morning-after-pill-emergency-contraception/how-do-iuds-work-emergency-contraception

16. The fact you are asking this question in a random sub tells you what you should do and what you should have done. Pull on your big girl pants and tell him.

17. Yes, tell him please.

18. Tell him and then grow up. If you’re not wanting to get pregnant and you’re not mature enough to use birth control, then you’re not mature enough to have sex yet.

19. Yes. If you can’t be honest you shouldn’t be sleeping with someone

20. You are both at fault, for all you know, he may be stressing out not knowing about your BC situation. (I doubt it though.) Unfortunately, and don’t hate me, because I agree that it is not right, but the responsibility does fall more so onto the woman’s shoulders when it comes to disclosing these things. He damn well should have asked or you damn well should have told him. You both know the reasons why you didn’t do that though. Do better next time… Ffs. That being said, I wouldn’t say anything until you know one way or the other. At least that removes the uncertainty from the conversation. But a conversation needs to be had regardless the outcome.

21. Doesn’t say where you are but in the UK, you can buy Ella One over the counter at the pharmacy, which could work up to 5 days post coitus.

22. I feel like, if you want emotional support while you wait to find out and can rely on him to do so, tell him. If you want financial support to try plan b while you still can, tell him. If you plan to have sex with him again in the future, tell him (altho he should also know to ask).

    If none of the above are the case, I’d say don’t bother. Your health and lifestyle choices are none of his business now that the deed is already done.

    Another thing to consider is: do you think, if you were pregnant, would be support whatever you choose or is he going to fight you on any of the options?

23. You should tell the guy out of courtesy… Why are you waiting? Take the plan b pill and call it a day.

24. You should have told him before sex (and he should have asked) but there is no point telling him now unless you end up being pregnant.

25. If neither of you discussed birth control he would have no reason to assume you are on it. Wait until you confirm that you are actually pregnant. No need for both of you to worry about what may be nothing.

26. You both should of had this discussion before the fact of the matter. So either he doesn’t care for X reason, or he really is in the clouds as to the reprocussions of tapping without a condom on.

27. I would tell him personally. As a guy, I would like to not be blindsided by anything that could have been told to me

28. Sex 7 days before your period is very unlikely (less than 1%) to make you pregnant, as you pointed out. Since this man is your good friend, you should tell him your situation and your thoughts. Best case scenario, he is understanding and assures you he’ll respect your decision and support you if you end up pregnant. Worst case scenario, he gets angry and blames you – in which case he is not really a friend and you find this out about him.

29. I don’t see a reason to tell him anything before there is actually a reason to

    If you end up pregnant then yeah obviously tell him. It’s BOTH of your faults for not discussing birth control and he will have no one to be upset with besides himself.

    I don’t see a benefit in discussing this now. Either tell him if youre pregnant or tell him before the next time you plan on having sex.

30. Start with: “Next time we have sex we need to not get lost in the moment and use birth control.” This hints that there probably will be a next time, and that you weren’t on BC. How he responds will tell you a lot about him. And then go from there.

31. I don’t think you need to tell him until you know. If you are pregnant, tell him if there’s a chance you want to keep it, and/but also tell him if you don’t want to keep it, and need his support for the abortion. There’s a lot of nuances here, too. Are you especially anxious about the possibility? Do his political/moral views make him someone to confide about the possible choices?

    For me, I am childfree by choice, and I don’t quite know how I would act exactly.

32. There are probably life changing consequences to both in this.

    I’d definitely want to know sooner than later.

33. Just to help calm your nerves, you’re extremely unlikely to get pregnant if your period is expected in ~10 days (or fewer). You’re almost certainly not pregnant. If you’re more than a few days late, though, take it seriously.

    Good luck, and glad to hear you had a good conversation with the guy!

34. Why would you not take emergency contraception as soon as you could knowing you had unprotected sex with no birth control? Why even sit around waiting to figure out if you should tell him? Not like you need his permission. Just do it.

    I hate to sound like this but this sounds trappish. He’s an idiot for going raw but you seem way too blasé about this.

35. When this happens, we need to ensure women are reminded about emergency contraception option. Its too often overlooked. Especially now with states trying to effectively eliminate abortion rights.

36. YTA.. whatt oh wrong sub?

37. For all the young men out there – always use a condom. Unless you are actively trying to impregnate your partner. Otherwise, use a condom if you’re having the kind of sex that could get your partner pregnant. There’s lots of options if you don’t want to wear a condom: Oral or anal sex, masturbation, fingers, toys, etc.

    OP, hope you are not pregnant and I hope you have lots of happy (safe) sex with this new partner going forward.

38. if your period is in a few days you wont be gretting pregnant from this

39. Nahhh bugger him lol!!

40. This is why I just always have condoms on me.

41. Yea

42. Good on both of you for handling a bad decision with maturity and grace after the fact. Now please learn from this and don’t let it happen again. I recommend IUDs to everyone who can tolerate them. Best choice I ever made for my peace of mind. You should still use condoms for STI protection too, but a hormonal IUD is statistically better at preventing pregnancy than even surgical sterilization by tubal ligation.

43. This is insane and I get why some are saying you are trying to trap this guy. You had 72 hours to take emergency contraception. Why the hell didn’t you?

    Shit, you could have contacted the guy. I’m sure he would have no issue paying for it if that was your concern.

44. As long as you’re down to yeetus the fetus, you should be good

45. This is what Plan B is for. I strongly urge you to take it if you don’t want to be pregnant.

46. This sub will kill me one day, ffs.

47. remindme! 4 weeks