Am I cheating by doing this?

47 comments

1. Dump guy 1

2. You have to decide which guy YOU want. Sounds like both are fun for you. But yes, if you aren’t telling either guy and doing stuff behind their back in secret then it is cheating.

3. You can only be “cheating” if you told someone you we’re going to only see them while seeing other people or you’re in a relationship where that’s implied you wouldn’t be seeing other people.

   You’re doing neither. Not cheating. It doesn’t matter if this guy might want a relationship sometime in the future. You’re not in one now. What matters is what’s happening right now. This man isn’t your boyfriend. He doesn’t get the “boyfriend privilege” of your exclusivity.

4. He said he wants to keep things casual. Usually that means no commitment yet imo. Unless you guys have the talk about exclusivity I don’t believe this is cheating.

5. It’s not cheating although I will say it sounds like guy 1 wanted to test the waters and got no fish so he came back to you out of fear more than actually wanting you.

   Total cynical speculation on my part. If you like him you can go for it though but then I’d tell guy 2 that you are just further along with someone you’ve really connected with and want to see where that goes but I’d wait till you are entering exclusive territory for that conversation.

6. Not cheating as long as no talks of exclusivity have been had and agreed in. I dunno why guy 1 makes me weary. He said he wanted to be casual then suddenly says a bunch of stuff all girls typically want to hear. But specifically he is saying all the things he knows you would want to hear and make you not lose interest in him and wonder off with another dude. If he really wanted to be with you, why would he need to be casual to begin with? Guy 2 sounds decent.

7. I feel like you want something with guy 1 but he is not sure yet. I would just let him know you are taking it slow. Actually I would ask him “if you were ME and you were looking for a relationship, what would you do in my place?” If he says keep dating and see what’s up then he doesn’t want you. If he says to consider him then there is your answer.

   Try to think logically in what’s best for you!

8. Non of this feels very organic… If you have to strategize and wiegh both options carefully it kinda seems odd…. Maybe… Dump them both and enter guy 3 into the mix

9. Does dude 1 know about dude 2?

10. you are single. not cheating. Pick one and youll be fine

11. Firstly, you are not cheating on either as you are not in a relationship. Ask guy one if he wants a relationship and don’t take “possibly” for an answer. It’s a yes/no question. You need to know where you stand. I’ve been there.

    His answer will help you decide.

    Edit: Also, it’s possible he knows that there’s another guy hanging around and he wants to keep you closer.

    I’ve got a friend like that, she likes her men better when other women want them.

12. To save yourself pain and hurt I would decide which one you can see a future with. Do your best to set aside feelings of infatuation and lust.

    You are not doing anything wrong.

    I think guys #1 went on other dates because he wasn’t sure about you yet or didn’t want to jump for the first thing and now he is ready to move forward. If you aren’t sure you want to move forward with him then you need to let him go and not lead him on

13. Do what you want sis.

    First guy fucked up haha

    I think he was trying to keep his options open and there were no options so now he’s reverting haha

    If you really like Guy 1 then by all means, but I don’t see any issue with continuing to see what happens with guy 2

14. You are playing with their hearts

15. You haven’t cheated but I recommend choosing either guy 1 or guy 2 pretty fast. Which one do you like more? Go for him

16. Go for guy 2. Don’t prioritize a guy who was unsure about and needs convincing to prioritize you as partner in his life. Telling you he “may potentially” see a serious thing with you “soon” is a joke.

17. He missed his chance let this be a lesson to him. Break him

18. Guy 2. First guy had his chance and he didn’t act upon the opportunity. You snooze you lose.

19. Nah you’re not cheating considering there was no mutual relationships with rules established. I’d say try not to stress about it much and go with the flow (at least that’s what I’d do as a guy).

20. Guy nb1 is probably more into you since you were so chill about it – thanks to Guy nb2 🙂
    I wouldn’t say cheating but know start thinking ahead because you kinda need to choose at some point

21. If you and guy 1 developed feelings for each other, especially if you guys were intimate, I’d say continue with guy 1 and stop seeing guy 2 because if I was guy 2, I wouldn’t want to start a relationship with someone who was recently intimate with someone else lol. It’s not fair to him, no one wants to be someone else’s back up.

    Imagine if the roles were reversed and you were someone’s 2nd choice, that wouldn’t be fair right? It’s not how you want to start a romantic journey with with a potential life partner (assuming you do).

22. Honestly I would go with guy 2 guy 1 wanted to play the field so he knew you finding someone else was an option and he took the risk. I personally don’t like to be kept on the side for the someone to eventually see if they like me enough to date because it feels like I’m being asked to wait around. You’re single not cheating at all live your best life if you want just pick one and cut off the other if you want neither that’s okay too. ^.^

23. If all of this transpired in just few weeks (hell, months even), then it wasn’t necessarily a case “of keeping his options open” or “wanting to fish around” or whatever. People aren’t always able to make such relationship decisions on a dime – heck, he may have even been trying to be respectful and not tie *you* down or lead you on until he had more thought on it.

    Lots of reallly cyclical comments assuming the worst of Guy 1. I mean, he could be a total POS, I never met the guy and don’t know shit about him lol but from the deets provided, all I can say is go with what you’re feelin’ (I mean, pick one or the other for sure – but ya haven’t “cheated” as it stands).

24. As long as you haven’t committed, you haven’t cheated.

25. This dating. You aren’t committed to anyone. Make sure everything knows you are still open to dating other guys. So everyone knows where they stand.

26. “Possibly want a relationship”. Don’t settle for “possibly”. Dump his ass.

27. Nothing wrong with keeping your options open until you are fully committed to one. But once you figure out which one, stick to that one and stop messaging the other one.

28. First guy sounds immature and doesn’t know what he wants

    Give guy 2 priority here

29. Have you discussed exclusivity with guy 1 or even guy 2? If not, than you don’t have much to worry about.

    Having said that, I personally try to date one person at a time to try to avoid situations like the one you are in. You gotta eventually pick one guy and go with them. But if it doesn’t work out, you might feel FOMO that you let the other guy go. So think real good and make your decision.

30. Did you ever hear the expression “wanting your cake and eating it to?”

31. You’re not cheating but guy 1 only wants you on his terms . What does guy 2 want ?

32. You are not cheating! Guy 1 told you” No relationship ” so you are free to see anyone. But now he’s back want to be serious? No no. You do like him however. So keep your option open. Not your problem. His.

33. End with guy 1. He had his chance.

    Go with guy 2.

    Guy 1 probably got jealous and/or he didnt get the other woman that he wanted. I feel you are his second choice and most likely drop you if he meets someone else.

    (I am talking from experience here)

    I bet you he knows that you will be unavailable once guy 2 ask you to be exclusive and he does not want it.

    You need to learn to move on once a guy just want you casual. You need to say no and walk away, you deserve better and more respect.

34. You’re most definitely not cheating. He told to keep it casual when you were open to a relationship so obviously you’re going to continue looking at your options. Do not beat yourself up about this. However, I do agree with many people in the comments, “potentially” is not an answer you should be ok with. It’s yes or no. This simple conversation will completely dictate how you make your decision about picking the best option for you.

35. here’s what i think you should do. you obviously are into guy 1, in spite of how he’s strung you along in the past. you’re going to go for him even though you know it’s wrong and not going to work out. so do guy 2 a favor and cut him loose. in a few months when things with guy 1 fizzle out and you regret it and you’re all disappointed and sad, you’ll move on to someone else. guy 2 may or may not be interested.

    if you’re ever interested in a real relationship, just know that these feelings you have with guy 1 are NOT a good foundation for that. uncertainty, going back and forth, does he like me / does he not — if this comes up again, PLEASE recognize it as a red flag and bail.

36. Honestly, Guy 1 I don’t trust. If “you” want to keep your options you can but not for long. You have to be willing to tell them both if you want to date both that way guy 1 knows the situation and his decision or true colors may come out, and Guy 2 gets to make a decision which is fair to him and you don’t have to feel guilty… how far have gone with either Guy? If you’ve gotten to a point where physical loyalty is in question for either or both guys, try things with Guy 2 and tell Guy 1. You are trying things with Guy 2 and if doesn’t work out like you did we can try more seriously after that.

37. I would trust what the guy 1 told you the first time, noone ever goes like “yeah no i can’t imagine being in a relationship with you” to “omg you’re all I’ve ever wanted”.

    He probably couldn’t find another girl to be casual with, gave up on dating apps, and is now coming crawling back regretting it.

    Go with guy 2 imo

38. You are doing to guy 2, what guy 1 did to you. He likely had someone else lined up who turned him down. You don’t just change your mind about being compatible with someone.

39. Bruh two guys?

40. Who do you connect with more. Sounds like both you’re just having fun with. Either way just dating don’t feel bad. If you’re dating one why is he saying those intense things.? Didn’t he say he didn’t want anything further? Go with the guy you have more in common with? Good luck

41. So 2 weeks ago, guy 1 wasn’t interested in a relationship, but you were? In that 2 weeks you met someone that you feel you connect with, guy 1 flip flopped on you, and you aren’t sure if guy 1 is the one you want a relationship with now?

42. Guy one has red flags for future cheating and abandonment. Go with guy 2

43. I’m team guy 2. But no, you’re not cheating. If you end up getting in a serious relationship with either of them, you would cut ties with the other. Until then, you’re innocent sis

44. Always trust a man’s first words.

    “I don’t want a relationship. I want it casual”.

    That’s what he wants. Now, he also wants exclusivity and he’s afraid you start dating someone else and he loses the convenience arrangement.

    It’s called having his cake and eat it too.

    Once you drop guy2 and get into the so called relationship with guy1. He will be suddenly confused and unsure.

    Drop guy 1.

45. Can’t have your cake and eat it too. Why do girls do this kinda thing. If you see a future with guy 1 what’s the point in even continuing with guy 2. Drop guy 2 see how it goes with guy 1. If it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out. Then you’ll move on and find someone else.

46. You snooze you lose. The first guy fumbled the bag.

47. You are not exclusive, so no you are not cheating. The idea that women can’t date more than one person at a time drives me absolutely crazy.

    My mother and my grandmother both told me, “you’re single until you’re engaged.” and I took that to heart when dating. I often dated multiple people at a time and personally, I save intimacy for exclusivity. So until a man decides he wants to be exclusive with me and me only I keep the cookies in the cookie jar. And mutual STI testing is also a requirement of mine upon becoming exclusive.

    Some men aren’t okay with that, and kiss them goodbye! A man who wants you will *court you* and do whatever it takes to *secure you* from other men, aka, the competition. You don’t necessarily have to be upfront with the guys you’re dating that they are not the only person that you’re dating but you should also make it known to them that – just like a man – your options are open until they are not and the only way that your options close is if he puts his big boy pants on and closes them!

    I did rotational dating and followed the somewhat old fashioned principles I learned growing up & now I’m married to a wonderful man who checks every box I had. We have a beautiful, growing family and he provides everything so I can stay home with the kids until they start school ❤️