Important background info:
We met through work about a year ago and have been in a serious relationship for the past 4 months. She introduced me to her whole family, friends etc. This girl takes care of me so well and is just the most loving girlfriend i have ever had. She buys me gifts, pays for dinners and is just all around crazy about me. She has told me a bunch of times how she is so nervous about messing something up because she never wants to lose me. Her friends and family tell me how much she talks about me to them. We regularly talk about the health of our relationship and we both agree everything is going great for the both of us, sex is phenomenal and she is really happy with me in bed.
We had an amazing day/night Saturday, she took me out for dinner and bowling then the beach to give me gifts and hangout for the night(it was my birthday). The next night i went fishing with my friends and we had the usual snapchat conversation going. She tells me she is going home at around 11ish and i say ok cool and just continue the conversation. Now she has her location shared with all her friends on snapchat and she didn’t even realize (which i thought she knew) so when im msging her it shows what town shes at next to her name.
Now i never used the map to stalk her but i started getting suspicious when it said she was still at her friends (girl) house almost an hour after she told me she left. So i messaged her are you home now? She replied yes im home going to sleep soon, it still showed her at her friends house when she sent that. So i called her and told her hey im leaving fishing soon can i come over? She says yes no problem. So i hop in the truck and call her on the way back <no answer> she calls me back 10 minutes later and says she was in the bathroom. Well she obviously wasnt in the bathroom as her location showed her pullling up to the house 2 minutes before she called me back.
So i confronted her immediately and she got mad because i have been stalking her location for the past hour without her knowing. Which is understandable, but let her know it shows your town whenever i open the chat, its impossible for me not to see. She wasn’t yelling or extremely angry just quiet and frustrated because she used to do this to her abusive ex and said “i feel like im going back in time” she kept denying it and saying the snapmap was wrong and it didnt update in time blah blah blah. I showed up to her house we talked about it and i went to sleep cause i was exhausted. I woke up 2 hours later and couldn’t sleep because of it. So i confronted her again while she denied it and said ok show me your google maps location history then. Soon enough it turns out i was right, she was at her friends house last night and returned to her house after i called her. She owned up to it and said she lied and shes so sorry etc. I told her how upset i was that she went to great lengths just to not tell me the truth, and i was right on the verge of putting my clothes on and leaving forever. I really was about to do it, and i told her that but she started crying and saying i was the best thing to happen to her and how she was so nervous about losing me that thats the reason she lied. She told me she really was planning on leaving but decided to stay and for some reason stuck with the story of her going home because she didn’t want to lie to me which makes no sense. So i guess she texted me saying she was going home before she left, decided on staying and then didn’t want to tell me she was staying cause then she would have lied to me about going home?? Really bizarre thing to lie about and makes no sense. But she was ” really nervous” and scared when i called that’s why she got upset when i called her. She claims she gets upset/angry when scared ??
So a stupid thing to lie about… ive trusted her with everything up to this point and it really just doesnt add up to me. Like i said before she has always done everything she could for me and was so happy with everything these past 4 months, she used to be depressed but she was feeling “cured” these past months. I just dont get it at all, why?? I confronted her firmly about it and asked multiple times what really happened because I don’t believe it. I kept saying thats not the truth tell me the real truth and we can see how we can fix it. I kept asking her over and over firmly, but not aggressive. I kept telling her i dont believe it, tell me the truth. She swore it was the truth, even swore on her dead brother which she is very sensitive about she is also somewhat religious i guess?? She said go through my phone look at everything, do you want to talk to my friend i swear im telling the truth.
So now im sitting here in shambles. Did she cheat???? Why would she cheat?? Why would she lie about being home when she was at her girl friends house?? Nothing makes sense. She sounds so genuine but i dont know what to believe anymore after she went to such great lengths to lie to me.
What do you think??
Tl:DR
Loving girlfriend lied about location and only confessed when shown proof. Told me she was going home, decided to stay but stick with the original story as not to “lie” to me about going home. Sounds confusing because it is.
11 comments
>she buys me gifts, pays for dinners
So she’s your sugar momma.
>now I never used the map to stalk her
So why place so much importance on her location then? She must’ve gotten carried away with talking to her friend and then went home. Does she *need* to go home when you say so? Do you *need* to look at that map? This sounds extremely sus that you need to know where she is at all times.
Definitely strange. Is there anything else she could be embarrassed about that isn’t sleeping with another guy? Could she be drinking, smoking, drugs, is her girlfriend not straight, is there anything she might do at a friends house that she knows you’d disapprove of or she’s previously been embarrassed about doing (could be anything, even a video game or something)?
Idk, I may be naive, but my instinct here is that it really was a white lie that got out of hand. Do you get worried when she’s out late? Did the ex get mad if she was out late? This seems like it might have been “I’ll just say I’m going to bed so he doesn’t get scared/mad” and then felt like she needed to stick to it until you said you were coming over.
It sounds like the location really did match her friend’s house. Has she ever given any indication of being bisexual? Reddit loves stories about friends, like, cheating as a group, where everybody brings a lover to the same house, but I’ve never heard if that happening in real life. People who are cheating tend to hide it from their friends too.
I have a question for you. Does your girlfriend have difficulty establishing boundaries with other people in general, which leads to her doing things she says she doesn’t want to do, just to make them happy?
Snapchat is for teens
Honestly, you’re being an idiot here. First, when you test for failure, you will find failure. Period. You set her up to lie to you so, given her history, she lied. I think it was a relatively small lie in the grand scheme of things that has simply gotten out of hand, but now you’re ready to throw away the relationship because you couldn’t honestly communicate with her.
For example, instead of asking if she was home, you should have said “Hey, Snap says you’re still in [town]. Guessing plans changed?” That would have given her an easier way to come clean with changing her mind about leaving at 11ish, to clarify that she was having a good time with her girlfriend and didn’t want to leave when she originally planned.
Instead, you set her up to fail by acting similar to her abusive ex. And the habits she developed with him just naturally took over. She lied about being home because she thought she could cover up a simple changing of her mind. You worked yourself into a frenzy because of the lie, invaded her privacy, confronted her family, and have basically damaged the hell out of your relationship. All because you wanted to set a trap instead of honestly try to communicate.
Want to fix this? Apologize for setting her up. ~~Apologize to her family for letting your insecurities get to you.~~ Recognize that YOU caused this. And learn to be more honest and open in your communication. If something seems off, don’t set a trap like you did before. Don’t create situations where she would feel lying is a better solution because she wants to avoid making you upset.
Edit: Misread “firmly” as “family”. Oops.
I am on old gen-y so I got my first phone at 18 and it hadn’t had gps or something like that.
But isn’t what op is doing creepy af? The whole tracking where the partner is situation. You couldn’t do anything spontaneous anymore without raising suspicions. I sometimes go somewhere but decide to go somewhere else in the process. Thank god I don’t let anyone track my phone, at least not on purpose.
Let her breathe a bit, op, you act like a stalker. What if he stays longer at one point as planned, she is still save somewhere with friends. If you see her location in a dark forest and ist hasn’t moved in 24 hours, I would be a little paranoid, but like that you act like she has no free will. I would lie to you too, if you were that controlling.
You said she was in an abusive relationship that involved tracking. This happened to my friend, and she would sometimes tell white lies to avoid major fallout. She was constantly anxious about getting places at the right times and having to explain every little change in plans. If she was caught in the lie, it would be even worse. You mentioned she was very nervous when confronted and even compared it to the abusive relationship. I don’t think this is cheating. I think this is coming from trauma.
I was inclined to believe her but when she tried to blame you for catching her, and then went to being triggered by her abusive ex, my “spidey sense” went off that you’re getting a line of bullshit that she’s used many times before. You are only 4 months in? Cut ties, this isn’t going to get better. Either she’s genuinely damaged from her last relationship or she’s playing you, neither is a recipe for a healthy relationship. It sort of sounds like you’re getting love bombed.
Neither one of you sounds ready for a relationship.
When they lie to you about things they have no need to lie about and those lies don’t make sense to you it’s because they were doing something they didn’t want you to know about. In this particular case I would suspect that there were other guys at her friends house. Now did she lie because she was cheating or did she lie because she just wanted to spend some time getting to know other guys, how would you ever know unless she chooses to be honest with you. If she was just hanging out with other guys at her friends place without any physical cheating going on then she will never admit to that because it just makes her look like low class trash.