I (45F) love my boy friend (46M) of over 3 years very much. I spend a lot of time at his home and with his family but I have not officially moved in and I have my own home. He treats me very well and is usually very respectful. He has set clear expectations of what he wants in a relationship. I have agreed to be in a relationship with him under his terms. He does not want me to hang out with male friends alone. I am very out going and friendly. I work in customer service and in the past I have been a little bit flirty with my long distance clients over the phone. I have willingly made changes to make him feel more comfortable.
Last night I felt uncomfortable and he said he did nothing wrong… I would like your opinion please! Am I being unreasonable? How do I speak to him about this in a way maybe he would see where I am coming from?
I made dinner for my BF, his parents (M&F 65+), his daughter (17 F), her best friend (17F) and the best friend’s mom (36F) last night. His daughter hangs out with BFF a lot and BFF has been spending the weeknd at my BF’s house lately. We had not formerly met BFF’s mom (36F) and it was my idea to invite her to dinner since she was already coming over to pick up her daughter(17 F).
BFF’s mom is 36, beautiful, very fit, very nice and SINGLE. She is from Mexico and speaks Spanish. My BF is also Mexican and speaks Spanish. BF’s parents are Mexican and ONLY speak Spanish. I am NOT Mexican and I speak very little Spanish. The conversation was going well and both BF and BFF mom would translate most of what they were saying.
As the night went on my BF finished a bottle of wine and was telling lots of stories in Spanish. The more he drank the more story’s he told in Spanish, the more he laughed at what BFF mom was saying in Spanish and the less he translated. The longer the night went on the more left out I felt and the more I felt like he was being a little too friendly. It was also starting to get late and I was getting tired. My BF wanted me to spend the night. I made a joke it was getting past my bed time and told my BF discretely it was time to wrap things up. Both my BF and I had to work today and the girls had school. BF parents are retired but usually don’t stay past 8pm. Everyone stayed till
10pm and my BF was really drunk by the end of the night.
I was frustrated and hurt because
1. I felt like he was being too friendly and flirty with BFF mom (beautiful single 36F)
2. I was feeling left out since most of the conversation was in Spanish and I am NOT fluent
3. He did nothing to wrap the night up and everyone seemed to over stay their welcome
4. My BF was really drunk by the end of the night
So… am I justified or being too insecure and jealous?
TDLR: my (f45) BF (m45)doesn’t want me flirting with men but i felt like he was flirting with his daughters friends mom (36F) but he says he did nothing wrong…am I wrong to feel insecure and hurt? How do I explain to him what he did so he may understand where I am coming from?
5 comments
I think you’re overreacting. Also don’t you think it’s up to your bf to decide when people overstay their welcome in his own home? If the mom wasn’t 10 years younger than you and “beautiful and fit” then you wouldn’t be saying anything. Yea it sucks they stopped translating but everyone was just enjoying themselves and you’re taking it way too seriously.
I would not like it either and Yes—–Flirty and ALL INAPPROPRIATE. Trouble IS——-It won’t stop. Not seeing it. This Mexican Jumping fitty bean is going nowhere. Talk to your NOVIO soon.
I think he just made a nice connection to a fellow Spanish speaker. I wouldn’t worry about it
“He has set clear expectations of what he wants in a relationship. I have agreed to be in a relationship with him under his terms.”
That’s cringe. Why do you think it’s a good idea to have a relationship where one person sets the rules? Unless this is some sub/dom thing, it’s usually a sign that someone is controlling and possibly projecting. I hope this was just poor choice of words and he also agreed to not spend time alone with female friends. If it wasn’t and the rules are only for you and not him, then, well, what do you expect? For him to suddenly treat you like an equal partner?
I think one of the primary things here is the language.
You were there and I wasn’t, so it could be that he was being inappropriately flirty. But it could also just be that he was happy to have a nice conversation in his native language.
Translating constantly sucks.
So consider that aspect carefully, that it might be more the fact that you felt left out than anything he was doing. I would assume, if you’re serious about being with him, that you’re making a reasonably serious attempt to learn Spanish? If not, I would. It would make interacting with him, his daughter, and his parents MUCH smoother. And it’s never bad to know another language.
Also keep in mind that you might be inflating things because she was younger, attractive, and single. Again, maybe it WAS inappropriate, I’m just saying that these are factors to recognize.