Or conversely “Are Guys Really This Dense?”
(On mobile so please forgive the format)
He uses reddit so I’m going to keep this light on the specifics. I (21f) have pretty intense feelings about a friend(26m) of mine. We met 3 years ago and I’ve always found him attractive. I definitely know he didn’t feel the same way but in the past several months, his behavior towards me has changed.
From a series of frankly insane circumstances, we’ve recently spent a lot of time together and this surface level crush has turned into a black hole of emotion. Not only do I find him quite handsome, he’s disturbingly funny and so incredibly intelligent. I literally have to bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from smiling when he says something funny, which is all the time. He’s a natural caretaker and very practical which I find terribly attractive. We have a lot of similar interests (one of which is pretty niche and we’ve bonded over it) and we have similar worldviews and just random little things that we have in common. It’s to the point that even our other friends and his family have noticed and commented on it.
Up until this year, I know he’s never given me a second thought because we rarely saw each other, and when we did, there was never a chance for extended conversation. (Not his fault, I’ve gone through a rapid change in physical appearance in the last couple years and I’ve become a lot more confident in my looks) I’ve watched him actually start to like me more as a person as he’s learned more about me. Not only that but he’s become very protective and affectionate towards me, especially when we go out drinking. There have been many instances when he’s put his arm around me and walked me home and I know we look like a couple to strangers. He’s comforted me the few times I’ve cried in front of him. We’ve had a handful of very specific moments that feel a lot more than platonic and they happen so organically. It just feels completely natural when he wraps his arms around me and drops his head to my shoulder. Every moment has been initiated by him and I’ve reciprocated. The other guys in our friend group do not act this way towards me and I have not seen him act this way with other girls. There have also been a handful of jokes made by said friends and family about sleeping together and taking their last name. He has also made jokes about providing for me as a stay at home wife. As I type this out, I’m realizing it sounds like maybe I’m the dense one?
But I promise I’m not because despite all of these things, he has never made a real move AND when we are not together, I rarely hear from him. Plus he will talk about other girls he finds attractive (I do the same) but he’s mentioned liking girls with similar physical characteristics as me. The thing that frustrates me the most is that he feels like he’s bad at talking to girls, or that girls are more interested in the other guys in our group because he’s not as good looking or charismatic which kills me every time he says it because he’s such a sweet guy and he deserves a girl that likes him as much as I do. It sucks because it makes me so happy when he just chooses to walk beside me instead of with the group. The age gap might be concerning to some but so far it doesn’t seem to impact our relationship much. Our group is a mix of ages and it works.
At first, I kept my feelings completely to myself but ended up spilling to one of our friends and she told one of the other guys and apparently he was completely unsurprised. They think we would make a good couple and it’s a topic that’s been discussed with the rest of the group, sans him. The consensus is that he’s painfully oblivious and isn’t aware that I’m an option and doesn’t realize how much it affects me when he treats me the way he does.
So reddit, do we think he’s actually oblivious or stringing me along or scared to make a move? And should I just bite the bullet and tell him how I feel and risk imploding our relationship and friend group?
And if you think this is about you… no it’s not go away
TL;DR: Got big ole strong feelings for a man and his behavior makes it confusing to decide if I should take the leap
2 comments
take the leap, as a guy i can tell you we can 100% be that dense if not far more. in all honesty sometimes the only effective way is to grab him by the shoulders look him in the eye and say “i like you, do you want to date?” while no its not practical in any sense that is sometimes the level of obviousness we need.
I would ask him out. If he is not interested, draw some boundaries about the affection he is showing so you are not getting mixed signals. But I am getting the impression he is into you.