TL;DR My now LDR partner (26F) doesn’t want me (24M) to visit to due to weight gain, anxiety, and life events. I feel for her and really care about her but it’s been 3 years since I’ve seen her. Met a wonderful woman (20F) who I really click with but feel emotionally frustrated. I don’t want to betray my partner she’s my best friend we do everything together and I don’t want to wait around for the rest of my life I feel like an afterthought. Feeling really sad and lonely, what do I do?
I’m in a unique situation. I (24M) have been in a relationship with my partner (26F) for 5 years. She’s moved to a different city but we got along so well we both thought we’d eventually get married. The problem is I haven’t seen her in 3 years since she gained weight and is anxious to see me until she loses it (clinically diagnosed with anxiety). I tried letting her know I don’t care and I just want to see her but she insists on waiting until she loses weight. Every year her life events put her weight loss journey on pause and I end up having to cancel my travel plans (sometimes losing money but love is worth it). I thoroughly communicated that I can’t keep doing this and feel like an afterthought in her life, but she always reassures me she loves me and is working on being perfect for me.
My friends have been trying to get me to hop out of the relationship and set up dates with other women. I respectfully decline but feel sad that I have waited years and put my dating life on pause for years too. Recently I met this really cool attractive girl ant the gym and we just click. It’s obvious we both like each other but I feel disgusting for simply having a chat during sets as if I’m betraying my current partner. I do not flirt but I know she’s dropping me hints to make a move. They’re both stuck in my head making me feel so sad and lonely. I don’t really want to ruin 5 years for some person I just met. I don’t want to keep waiting and pushing who might be the one to the side if things don’t work out. It’s tough because she feels like a piece of me we still try to do everything together despite the distance and tell each other everything.
So dear reddit, how do I get these women out of my mind for a bit? I’ve tried to distract myself and it isn’t working. What do I do to feel unstuck? Any advice?
3 comments
Hey. I’m in a long distance relationship. I gained some weight during the pandemic. I have never once told my partner to stay away because of it. I want to see him every chance I can get.
Your partner is not going to lose weight any time soon. If you haven’t seen her in three years, you only really had 2 years together out of five! It’s time to call it quits. It will hurt, but waiting around for a weight loss that will never happen is going to hurt you longer.
You aren’t a tree. You can move.
there are certain things that LDR needs to survive. one of those is to have plans and execute the plans to see each other in some way, on a somewhat regular basis. even once a year, or pushing it to once every 2 years, if time and money can only allow that. people have loved each other through worse conditions, so even that is possible.
but if her moving goal posts are what’s keeping you from seeing her, and making the relationship have some meaningful progress, then it might be time to end things.
i was in an LDR for 4 years. at the beginning, I really thought there was a chance to come together and get married, so that’s why I did it. But as time passed, I realized, I wasn’t able to get myself capable of handling that marriage ( I didn’t feel like I was maturing in my career or finances to be able to handle a marriage/wife/kids). I had to tell my ex-gf about that and do the break-up, and yea she was upset but it’s better than making it 5 or 6 years and still not sure that marriage would happen even at that time.