What did you guys say to a partner to make them comfortable with the lights on?

7 comments

1. There must be a reason for it. Maybe she likes the atmosphere when it’s dark and you’re doing it at night time? If she doesn’t mind doing it in the daylight it shouldn’t be anything to do with her not wanting you to see her.

2. Probably insecurity and not wanting to see her

3. There’s no magic thing you can say to her. Ask her again why she prefers the lights off. Her answer will probably range between the darkness making it easier to focus or maybe insecurity about her body. Maybe the lights in the room are distracting or too bright or something.

   If she won’t talk to you, there nothing you can do than to just try and work around it.

4. Most likely body insecurity.

   Step one is reassurance. Do this out of the bedroom. “Babe, I really love your body and want to see it! That’s part of good sex!”. Also, you may have some sort of imperfection yourself. Pick your worst, and say something like “there of parts of me <give_example> that I don’t like you looking at, but it’s you so I feel ok with it”.

   Step two is gradually ramping her up to the idea that it’s ok. Start by DIMMING the lights (if her lights aren’t controlled by dimmer, use the poor mans solution, toss a t shirt over the lampshade). If she’s only got a nasty overhead, then get a cheap plug-in light and let it hang out in the corner. Once you get a little light to see by, back to reassurance!

5. 100 % insecurities so making your partner feel desirable is key! “I love seeing you naked”, “your body is so hot”. Keep accentuating a body positive mantra.

6. Have you ever asked if she would feel more comfortable with a blindfold?

7. I don’t think my wife and I have ever had sex with the light on. We get off on the visuals