Hey, I’m 26F. I had a best friend (now 26F) I met online when we were both 16. We were friends until 18 snd it was a very deep close friendship. We fell in love with each other but I had a boyfriend at the time and we were both closeted
I remember one day when we were 18 she texted me I love you and I didn’t say anything back bc my bf was right beside me and saw it. I don’t remember how but we stopped talking. Fast forward to 2017. I try to reach out to her via IG telling her I was going thru it back then and I’d love yo reconnect with her. She responds I need a minute and doesn’t reply for a week so I delete my IG.
Fast forward to Dec 2021. I don’t have an IG. I message her on LinkedIn saying I’d love to reconnect with her to catch up and I hope she’s doing great. I also see on her LI she started going to school for Computer science in 2020. In 2017 I told her that was my major. I say this to say I don’t think she forgot about me and there’s a slight chance I influenced that.
She doesn’t reply to the message but also doesn’t reject it. Fast forward to Sep 2022. I’m at a concert for an artist I like and when the artist arrives my friend is in her posse. After the show we end up in the same area. I go up to her and she’s like is that really you I said yes she’s like what are you doing here I said for the show and I asked what she’s doing here and she said she’s part of the record label. She hugs me. She says the other day they had a studio session and they had a female drummer. She told the artist the drummer looks like her ex girlfriend (me). That was shocking to hear her think of me that way abd she also remembered me.
She gives me her number and is like we can have dinner to catch up. That was say Sep 27. I text her a week later about going on a walk to drink Boba and catch up. She said she wasn’t feeling well and I told her I hope she feels better. I text her at the end of Oct to see if she had plans for Halloween and she said she’s not in ny but in florida for a bit. I told her to hit me up when she gets back.
I text her Saturday to see if she wants to go to a concert because my friend has an extra ticket. She said she’s not in ny anymore but thanked me for the invite and sent a <3. I asked her if I could call her Sunday.
I text her Sunday around 645p asking if she’s free for a call. She said she’s at dinner and will be home in 2 hours. I’m like ok sweet. I wait 2 hours and I’m really looking forward to the call.. I call her at 9p… and she doesn’t pick up.
Can you guys help me come up with a text message to get a definitive answer from her? This is what I drafted:
Ok I’m putting my feelings on the table. I’m feeling hurt and confused because I want to reconnect with you but each time I reach out you’re unavailable. I don’t know if I’m catching you at extremely busy times, or you don’t want to talk anymore. Can I know what’s on your mind?
2 comments
This person obviously doesn’t want to engage in your conversations anymore (ignoring, telling you she is busy but will talk to you later – then she “forgets”). Whatever “feelings” that person had is not in them anymore. They changed. They found new people, who, in their mind, are more interesting than you. I’m sorry but this is the harsh truth. The fact that she isn’t answering you proves she doesn’t care about your relationship anymore. I know its not easy to forget such a person existed, but you need to move on with your life. Chase your ambitions. Define your goals in life. Time is short to be wasted on fools.
I think it’s hard to say to someone “I love you” and they drop contact with you after that.
Then you tried to reconnect with her, it didn’t work right away so you disappeared.
You’ve been struggling with this, but those are hurts you don’t have. You want her to be in the same place you’re at, but because of those two things she’s in a different place. And her actions since then are lightly mirroring your past actions.
I think the best thing is if when you move forward, you relate to her where she is, with a different past around this relationship than you have. She may intellectually (be willing to) understand why things happened the way they did, but emotionally is different.
It’s clear that she still likes you and is basically willing to reconnect with you, but there’s these other things going on too, and they may be a permanent obstacle. Either way, it’s definitely important that she feels like you recognize what she probably felt and that her path was different from yours.