I have always been the tagalong little sister to my 2 older brothers, and given their ages, they’ve always been way closer to each other than they were with me. They had a lot of stuff going on when I was too young to understand, and by the time I was a little bit older, they were both out of the house.
That’s not to say that they weren’t nice to me. In fact they were very very good to me always. Our dad left for good after my 1st birthday, and my brothers tried their best to step up when they could, taking care of my birthdays or hanging out with me, whatever I wanted to do.
Recently, I’ve been feeling a little depressed or kind of off. I don’t know why. Just some random stuff. I reached out to one of my brothers who said he’d come pick me up after going to the gym, and we went to go see a movie, and later went back to his place, where my other brother was also just getting back from the gym and decided to stop by. I didn’t even tell them I was depressed. It’s like they just knew. We just hung out, watched TV, bought lots of snacks and food, and the next morning, they bought me breakfast, coffee, and drove me back.
My mom was then like, why are you all up in their lives and business like that? Stop bothering them. I’m like for real? I just wanted to hang out with them because I felt kind of down. She’s like, why do they need to hang out with you just because you’re down?
It made me wonder, am I being annoying and a burden to my brothers?
She also said she didn’t want me to be too close to them because “they have their special bond” and you’re distracting them (talking about their business.) I don’t understand her reasons. Me and my mom don’t have the closest relationship, but this makes me feel even worse. I don’t know what other family I can go to.
Is there some other reason that I am not understanding? 30 year olds of Reddit, am I being annoying AF?
TLDR: I want to hang out more with my older brothers, and one day when I was feeling shitty, I called them and we spent the day together. My mom told me to stop bothering them. They obviously didn’t show any signs that they were annoyed by me…. but am I actually annoying them? Am I a burden? What am I missing?
9 comments
That’s really shitty of your mom. You’re not going to ruin your brothers’ “special” bond by hanging out with them. And if your brothers seemed to like hanging out with you, I don’t see anything wrong with that. Usually parents are *encouraging* their kids to hang out and get along with each other.
This is probably a growing up moment for you to learn about your mom. She is fucking up her parenting right now. She should be happy that you are connecting with your brothers and that her kids love each other and are making an effort.
You are an adult now, and together with your brothers, you get to define what your relationship between the 3 of you is going to be like. Your mom literally gets NO SAY in the matter. Ignore her opinions. They are not coming from a good and healthy place.
Your mom is probably trying to isolate you for one of a couple reasons. If she is lonely, she could be trying to make you feel the same way so that she doesn’t feel as bad about herself. It’s messed up, but it happens. Or, maybe she is worried about you growing up and moving on into adulthood and is trying to hold you back…also a fucked up thing for a parent to do, but it happens a lot.
You are not doing anything wrong. It feels weird and irrational to you, because your mom is being weird and irrational. Pay her no mind, and keep connecting with your brothers. You can even talk to them about this. If you want to be even closer with them, they would probably like it. You don’t sound annoying at all, it sounds like they had a good time with you.
Nta. I know this isn’t that sub but you’re not. In my opinion she’s jealous they’re happy to spend time with you and has always told herself their special bond is why they exclude her.
What do your BROTHERS think about all of this?
This is a wild leap by here it is: a lot of parents are competitive with their children. Specifically moms and daughters and fathers and sons. If your brothers show you care and attention it means your mom isn’t the #1 lady in their lives. Sad? Yes. Not unheard of? Also yes. She wouldn’t be the first person to get weird about her place in the family.
So you know your mom favs are your bros which no surprise. And you are just intruding in their 3-person family.
I mean it happens. Ignore her and weather her storm. My sis is 8 years younger than me and i didnt mind her hanging out
Tell your brothers what your mom said.
Edit: After reading through, it sounds like she doesn’t want you intruding on the relationship SHE has with them. That is her problem and you do not need to listen to her.
I’d talk to your brothers and ask them how to handle it.
She wants you to be alone. She’s trying to make you feel bad about bonding with your siblings because then you’ll have someone to run to. I’m 27 and my sister is 13 when she needs me I run and it pisses my mother off to no end. They’re just narcissists. She probably also uses your brothers to replace your father so she’s mad they give you so much love and attention. As an older sibling let me tell you we love our little siblings to no end
I have little siblings who are 20+ years younger than me. I LOVE hanging out with them. I’d do anything for them. Ignore your mom. She is the problem here.