Most men – at least those I know – are pretty crass, crude and aren’t exactly radiating charisma.
I highly doubt these guys transform into casanova when they’re one on one with ladyfolk, and I can’t imagine them making smooth, calibrated sexual advances coupled with sexy conversation.
Yet this is the pressure I place on myself whenever I’m on a date
Am I overcomplicating it?
Are most ladies more welcoming of bold, direct action than I’ve been lead to believe?
Do ladies expect the conversation to organically evolve from platonic to sexual over the course of a date or can you go from talking about the civil war to kissing?
Do you expect to talk about sexual preferences and boundaries and stuff before having sex with someone or would you rather just start kissing then foreplay then fucking without much forethought?Why have women got taken aback when I’ve brought it up before sex (as though I had eaten the forbidden fruit and suddenly they became self conscious and uneasy with what they were happily about to do before I mentioned it)
Whenever I’ve asked guys for specifics on how they flirt / connect with women the answer is basically just ‘idk man just do what feels natural’ as if all the pieces should effortlessly fall into place.
I’m a tall and pretty good looking guy and I’ve got nature and hormones on my side, but in my experience things don’t always play out so smoothly and it’s a conscious process figuring out what to say and when and how and where to touch her and so on. If it really does come so easily to guys who aren’t exactly socially skilled then maybe I’m just romantically inept.
Any advice?
​
10 comments
I go heavy with the compliments, and I emphasize how hot she makes me. I kiss them for as long as they can stand it, until it’s absolutely clear that they want me really badly. I don’t talk about specifics or preferences until after the first time
Yeah, all pieces should effortlessly fall into place. Just because they don’t from time to time doesn’t change that, failure and rejection is a natural part of dating. Things not falling into place is normal.
Being yourself is the only way. There’s no one solution fits all to this stuff. Asking what women like in a generalized sense is never gonna help you because you have to approach dating on an individualistic basis.
How one woman expects for a conversation to organically evolve is always gonna be different from the next woman. That’s why you gotta be yourself and realize that in the same breath, since women aren’t a hive mind, yourself is going to be more than enough for some women, and not enough for others.
Those guys aren’t pulling women
It’s hard to get a picture of what exactly you mean by calibrated sexual advances etc., but I feel like both extremes you mentioned happen on my dates.
On some dates the sexual tension builds up steadily over the course of the date. Starting with small sexual innuendos that slowly become more obvious and flirtatious, maybe even end up in incorporating little sexual fantasy stories into the conversation. Which then escalate into heavy make out sessions etc.
Then on some dates you literally talk about psychology or sociological topics for 5 hours (while getting drunk), and then without much of a transition go for the kiss. Talk about direct and not necessarily “smooth”.
Both works to be honest and I just go with the flow. The first case is obviously more fun, but many girls aren’t even necessarily capable of or the type for that type of heavy flirting.
Bringing up sexual preferences etc. before you do it is a big No-No, though. That’s obviously gonna throw/turn off any lady. No man, don’t do that.
Just go with the flow and be yourself. Stuff like sex shouldn’t be a focal point on a first date or even the second date if she’s respectable. A simple kiss is kinda expected if things are going good though. And if you can’t figure out how to lay one on her just ask. Asking for a kiss after a good date almost never fails. After a first date if she’s shy I’ll just give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Keep it classy dawg. And forget about sex, let it come naturally… If you’re looking for a relationship that is
No advice since there’s a lot of open ended questions here but about that first sentence: you choose to surround yourself with those people; you’re going to get associated with this people. If that’s all you see you can’t be the opposite chances are you fit in with them.
Dude here – my $0.02
Cool, calm, confident, playful, and fun. That’s the baseline. Where it goes depends on the girl and the situation.
I’m a crass, crude, rough and tumble guy. If I’m with a prim and proper woman, I’ll ease into things. If I’m with someone who’s ‘less of a lady’ I’ll push the envelope a bit. Eventually, I get all of them and they get all of me, just depends how quickly, or if ever, that happens. But, everyone is different and unique.
I’ve gone out on dates with ‘church girls’ who barely curse and blush when someone says ‘breast.’ Sometimes by the end of the date, they’ve loosened up by the end enough that she starts dropping f-bombs and tells me how wet she is when we’re making out. I’ve gone out with party girls who are ‘motherfuckin’ this and ‘motherfuckin’ that before we get our first drink and we’re talkin’ sex acts before appetizers, but there’s no goodnight kiss.
^^^^ literally two of my dates last week lol
Big thing is to lead the dance, but really understand her cues. The second she curses, I start letting the f-bombs go pretty freely. If she gives me anything I can subtly turn sexual, I jump on it. Real easy to be a creep there, so I refer to innuendo as ‘experts only’ flirting mode. If you aren’t good at ‘reading the room’, avoid it.
The details change depending on the woman and the situation, but it’s always the same basic elements. Ask questions, listen, tease her a little, give her smiles and make suggestive comments. Some dates end up more serious than others, but I try to get to know them, make them smile and have a good time, and see if they’re the right balance of things for me. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets, and all that.
Bottom line – being charming is all about how you make them feel. If they feel relaxed, at ease, and entertained (and HEARD), you’re a charming motherfucker. And if anyone’s curious, I’m taking both women out again this week. Great girls, we’ll see if they’re for me or not.
Biggest advice is just don’t be weird for starters. Don’t be vulgar. Watch old school James Bond, watch To Catch A Thief, that confident smooth subtle innuendos is what you want to be. But don’t fake it either. This stuff comes with confidence, if you think “ oh am i being creepy? Is this weird” it will show in your body language and demeanor. Don’t intentionally say things either expecting a reaction. The reason some guys get away with things is blind confidence, they say something and remove themselves from the outcome. Be funny, at the end of the day actually have fun, you are with a beautiful woman, whether you have sex or not, being out with a pretty girl beats any night in watching netflix, so enjoy yourself, be yourself , be confident and let yourself be natural
The better looking you are, the less charming you have to be.
Yeah you want to have your place clean but that’s as much for you as any other guest. And no you definitely don’t need to set the mood that just sounds weird 🤣, maybe in a relationship you’d want to set the mood. I’m telling you it just happens, if a girl likes you she’ll make it it happen while making you think everything was your idea, women are just good like that. Don’t overthink it bud, overthinking sex will ensure it never happens. And remember it all starts with kissing and progresses from there