I have no idea what happened. The other night my ex called me and she said she wasn’t able to call me later that night, so she was calling me at that moment to let me know. She said she would text me, but never heard from her after that. I texted her the next morning and she never responded.
I saw her at work the next day and she seemed so avoidant of me. I asked her if she was ok and she said “no”. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was having a bad day. I asked her why and she claimed she didn’t need a reason to have a bad day with an attitude. I noticed she wasn’t wearing the necklace I gave her… so I kind of saw where it was going in a way. I tried to call her later, but she never answered. She walked by me at work with a smirk on her face after all of this happened. Since then, we haven’t talked at all. She completely ghosted me. Every day it kills me not having any closure on why things ended the way they did.
Looking back, she was extremely emotionally abusive, manipulative, controlling, and narcissistic. All to the point where I feel as if I need to get mental help. I don’t know this version of her at all. She’s not the same person I knew a couple of months ago. She’s completely different. I wish I could just move on, but I can’t without the closure. It eats me alive every day. I literally think about her all day. I can’t reach out to her because I know it will go nowhere. I need help.
TL;DR: My ex ghosted me and gave me no closure on why things ended the way they did. She wasn’t a great person whatsoever. I don’t know why it’s so hard to move on without the closure, but it is. It’s eating me alive.
7 comments
Not getting closure is tough, but unfortunately that’s the position we’re put in sometimes. The process for dealing with this is very similar to dealing with bereavement – I’d recommend getting into therapy, and if you’re working with this person it’s probably worth finding yourself a new job. She probably wants you following her around for answers and pining after her – don’t give her the satisfaction. You’re worth better than how she’s treated you.
I’m so sorry, this is really hard, even if it does sound like she did you a favour.
Closure is a thing you give yourself. All that there is, is to accept the reality and start the process of healing. If you feel that you have been manipulated and abused, seeking therapy might be helpful to you.
This might also be a helpful lesson in avoiding dating colleagues in future.
I wish you the best.
I was in a similar situation with similar age gaps and similar abusive behavior. You might need to look into therapy, it’s helped me a lot through it. My therapist told me it’s possible to move on without closure, it’s just really hard.
The wound is still fresh so that’s why it feels like that, but give it some time and it will sort itself out. You need to keep busy, hang out with friends, try new things on your own, etc.
It’s really unfortunate you have to see her everyday, it would be best if you can cut her out of your life cold turkey somehow.
Also, she’s still very young compared to you. Understand that your mindsets are probably going to be very different. Maybe it’s for the best she’s not your girlfriend anymore. Manipulation is a huge red flag.
Don’t expect much from a 21 year old, they’re still figuring themselves out.
>Looking back, she was extremely emotionally abusive, manipulative, controlling, and narcissistic.
What better closure is there than this?
I feel like “getting closure” is just an excuse for a lot of people to drag things out.
It sucks and is messed up. But the best thing you can do for yourself is to just focus on yourself and feel sad for however long you need to and eventually you’ll be fine.
In a way? You did get closure. She sucks, and was playing with you. Who the fuck knows why, maybe she doesn’t know herself.
I doubt you did anything wrong. Chalk it up to a narcissistic person playing games, and watch out for an attempt to get back with you once you have allllmost moved on. ESPECIALLY if you start getting close to someone else.