I’m in a need of help of something and hopefully people can help with my predicament or at least give advice if they’ve dealt with the same thing.
I was finally about to go out with a girl who I had interest in for a while and she actually showed interest first. I’d be able to go into more details if more information is needed, but as for this post, I’m keeping it short. However, she went AWOL which I knew was not like her, but then a month later she finally revealed to me she had a bout of depression. Obviously her showing a vulnerable side of herself makes it all the more clear how she feels about me. That being said, this was something I didn’t know how to handle as this was the first time that had ever happened and I have no idea what to do. I was more worried about her mental health than a date at that point.
I would try to check up on her and I told her if she needed anyone to talk to that I would be there. I was trying to be as compassionate and caring as possible as I know you have to show empathy to people. But she seemed to be pushing back by not responding despite her being very communicative before that depression bout. It wasn’t until my friend who basically said I probably shot myself in the foot as I was making it seem like I was trying to be more like a friend than a boyfriend, which would seem to make sense.
Frankly, this girl is really great and I really want this to work out, however, if you were in my shoes, what should I do? How should I fix this?
1 comment
First of all, you didn’t shoot yourself in the foot by offering support. And personally, I’d rather date someone who makes a good friend, bc relationships are tough and having a friendship as a base to build on really helps.
As for the rest of this dilemma, perhaps the best course of action may be to give this some time.
She may not be responding bc of the depression, which is normal for depression.
And if you contact her too much, that could overwhelm her more. So, do not pursue. Give her space.
You cannot push, pull, lift, or drag someone out of depression. That’s a job for professionals.
So take a breath, step back, understand that she needs time to cocoon, and see what happens.
You could send a text a couple of times a week, or maybe drop off a thinking of you card, or a flower at her home.
Do not expect her to come to the door for it, just leave it for her to find.
And then maybe things will work out. If not, you’ll have had this practice being a cool and compassionate human being.