New guy here. Obviously, considering how awesome r/ is, I made an account to ask you guys about something that’s been bothering me lately.
So I’ve been going out with this girl (23) for around 2 months (I’m 27). Both of us have relationship interest.
So we haven’t seen each other for 20+ days. First week, I had covid, so it was normal. Then, she had some excuses, which sounded normal. First, she caught a cold. Then, she was going to a family gathering. That was one day of one weekend. She stayed the other day playing videogames, even though we could’ve met and do something. Alright, we simply talked on the phone for a while. She’s studying Law and I’m working, so I understand our time may be tight. I have to work from 6 am, and even then, I’d be willing to spend the night even if I had to sleep less. She said she was going to play D&D. We had plans and she canceled for this. Ok, I know it’s a hobby of hers, but it bugged me: is a game more important?
And as for calls, I simply arrange a call and we speak on the phone. I like to do this to ensure we have time to do it and none of us might be in a moment where we can’t have an uninterrupted chat one the phone. I couldn’t speak to her last time because “she forgot while reading a book”.
I guess it’s clear she is sort of a nerdy girl, which I dig, but I don’t dig this seems more important than me.
So I tease her about not having time, but yesterday she commented on this. Mind you, her personality is a bit ummm… weird, to say the least. So her response was something like, I thought I was the woman in this relationship; sort of jokingly.
So my concerns are two: I really don’t know how she feels about me teasing her about “not being available”, and I think that may have made me appear as needy. The other concern is: is this really worth it? She appears to have more interest in videogames and D&D than a relationship.
TL;DR: I feel the woman who I’m going out with doesn’t make time for the relationship. Is it worth it? I was teasing her for this and she didn’t like it.
PS: I had posted this elsewhere, but got just one response. TIA
4 comments
Actions speak louder than words and you teasing her about it probably just makes you seem even more clingy. You’re still in the getting to know each other phase and sounds like maybe she’s not as into you as you are into her.
I guess you’ll have to figure out if you want someone that has a full life and hobbies and only a little bit of time for you or if you’re better off looking for someone who wants to spend more time with you.
2 months is still early and different people move at different paces…..if you dont enjoy this pace. Move on. Shes probably getting less into you every time you push
For me, I’d rather someone just say “hey, this is how I feel, xyz, I’d like to spend more time together. How do we make that happen?” vs the passive aggressive digs or guilt trips. I don’t do guilt trips. Nobody is going to guilt me into the idea that the normal things I do in my own time/for myself are either weird or a reflection of how I see my partner.
You’re only two months in, and this isn’t a relationship. She’s basically telling you that everything else in her life is a higher priority than you. It doesn’t make her a bad person, but not the sort of person you can form a committed relationship with either. Stop doing all the work here. She’ll reach out when she has literally nothing else to do, and it will only to be to see if you’re still in the hook.