This is perhaps the most commonly asked question every guy has!
Some guys says ‘man always pays’, some guys say ‘it should be 50-50’, some guys say higher income earner should pay etc.
In my view, I practise the following:
1. First date gentleman always pays
2. Second date okay to go 50-50 but as a man try to pay the bill. Nothing wrong with footing the bill.
3. Consistently Dating/Hooking up – Gentleman pays 70% of the time. The woman needs to contribute to the experience too.
4. Marriage/Living together – Go 50/50 on all bills unless the man is the higher income earner.
What do you guys think?
24 comments
Whoever is the person doing the inviting pays. If you cannot afford to take her out, don’t ask. Wait for her to invite you.
In one of them recently I paid for the drinks which was the only item paid for- in a more recent one it was a 50/50 split.
In respect of the former, it was indeed the only item! Plus paid for one whereby I stood the bill for drinks AND the food. Plus the obligatory (or seemingly fitting) small gift.
Agree
As a guy, I always say at the date that I’m paying unless she has an issue with that.
Also, I tell her that I like the idea of the guy paying. I also say that if she wants to pay, then we can do something like “you invite you pay.”
Outside of the first date, I wouldn’t ever do a 50/50 thing. Too separated for my taste.
I believe the man should always pay, especially if it’s a situation where you know the both of you are compatible. If there’s 1 or more people involved well obviously each pay separate. If it’s a situation where it’s going nowhere after a few dates then don’t waste money and stop going on dates (learned it the hard way after getting friendzoned ☠️)
50-50
You do.
Your post kinda screams free outings tbh. Why does the man have to pay the bill most of the time?
I think 50-50 in the beginning and if you are dating consistently then you can take turns on who gets the bill.
At the end of the day you do you, but according to your logic, you basically can’t date as a man unless you have a good paying job.
The one who asks should treat.
If she gives you what you want, then I say men. I also won’t stick around if u put out on the first date.
Each party should be prepared to pay their share. Whoever asked for the date should offer to pay. The other should be offering to at least split and not get upset if it’s agreed to. Once a relationship is established the couple can work it out between themselves
As a girl, I paid on first date once. I usually paid in turns.
Usually no one let me pay on first date. I want to pay for the next one, if there is any next one.
If I do a 50-50, that’s friends. I pay for my friends sometimes too, when I want to celebrate something. So even if I pay that doesn’t means it’s a date.
You’ve posted an arbitrary list of guidelines with no context and almost no justification. What response do you expect?
People’s views and motivations on this topic vary widely, and that’s what’s actually worth discussing, not arbitrary rules.
Personally I (a man) pay for pretty much everything on dates. I like it that way and I make decent money so this is not a huge burden. But what I try to perceive is how the woman I’m with feels about it – if she seems really entitled or spoiled about it, that’s a problem.
1-3 dates man after that whoever asked the other.
I have no problem treating as a woman, but if you invite me out and I know i’m broke, I’ll tell you, i’m broke right now and can’t go. I always carry money with me because if the date goes bad i’m paying my portion and them on the way outta there.
Woman
If your asking someone out or your inviting someone to dinner than it’s on you to pay as they’re your guest 🤨 and guys taking that initiative should be yours
Who pays depends on where you live.
(a)
If you live in a country with traditional gender norms, than you live in a place where in relationships women are going to be expected to do all the housework, give up careers to have and raise the children, be submissive wives, etc.
In this case the guy should be paying for dates, because in such a relationship he is going to be expected to be the primary earner. Paying for dates demonstrates that he can provide, as was expected in the 1950’s.
(b)
If you live in a country with modern gender norms, than you live in a place where men and women are equal, where in relationships women can pursue well-paying careers, where women aren’t expected to be maids or baby factories, and where an equal partnership is expected by both partners.
In this case you should be either splitting the cost of dates, or paying your own way, since this is demonstrative of that equal relationship you would have where finances and responsibilities are shared – as is expected in many of today’s cultures.
This has the additional benefit of avoiding any perceptions of being owed or owing someone, which is something people who struggle boundaries may run into. So it’s actually a safer approach too.
The “whoever asks pays” position is a lazy way of sloughing the cost onto guys, who are the ones asking 9/10. Once this reaches closer to 5/10 than this will be a reasonable position, but we’re far from there.
I reading the comments and not finding the answer? I never went out on date before but maybe one day…(please don’t feel bad for me, i like being alone and just recently wanting to share) that not the point, who pays? I feeling the 50/50 the 1st 2 dates because shouldn’t those be the parts we decide we go together or not. Shouldn’t we both feel we didn’t lose out on anything if one of us didn’t like the other? Then if he want to pay okay because he likes me or me to him? Curious.
I’m a woman and I don’t want the guy to always pay the bills even on first dates. I’d like it 50-50. Or if we’re exclusive, the guy will pay say for this date but on the next one, I’ll pay. I really dislike the idea that guys should always pay on first dates or whatnot. I want to contribute, either way I agreed on the date and I’m going to consume the food anyway.
First date with me is always cheap – cafe or something like that. I never suggest that I will be the one paying.
At the end of the date, if I know that I am not interested then I suggest splitting the bill. If I am interested then only if it’s ok with her I will pay. Many women say that “no, I will pay” and already hold the wallet/card/phone to pay with. So ok, I let them pay.
I see no special reason for me to pay, while we both spent some time together. I rarely do some fancy inviting – if I would, I would pay, but it’s usually just a casual “hey, wanna grab a coffee?”. I dont feel obliged to pay for her drink only because I propose to get it. I did not said “I want to invite you to this and that”.
However if I invite for cocktails or something more expensive then it is okay with me to pay, if the way that I invited implies that I am paying.
> Consistently Dating/Hooking up – Gentleman pays 70% of the time. The woman needs to contribute to the experience too.
Why 70%? Lol. I mean, who set this rules? It’s always 50/50 unless someone explicitly said that he is the one paying, for example “let me invite for this event, at my expense/I am paying”.
It does not have to be exact 50/50, but often while dating if there is no easy way to split the bill I do it like that “I will buy dinner, you will buy drinks in the evening” or when we go to cinema “ok, I buy tickets you buy next time”. And it works. Often girl says this without me saying in the cinema “I will buy popcorn and soda – you already bought tickets”. And I am like “ok, fine!”.
4. Why pay 50/50 if the woman is the higher earner, but not if the man is the higher earner? I don’t understand your logic here.
Personally I fall more along the lines of 3 strikes rule. Whoever initiates the date pays for it. If a girl asks me out she’s taking me out. If I ask her out I’m taking her out. After that it’s sort of a gray area. I don’t really think it’s fair for the guy to be paying all the time if the feelings are mutual the gal should be wanting to meet her man in the middle ya know. Kind of like the I’ll buy the tickets you get the popcorn type deal.