We are both 19 and have been together a year. However I’m starting to feel a bit hurt by his lack of sex drive. At first we had no issue with this but over the past few months he says he doesn’t feel horny anymore, I cant help but take it personally even though he says he doesn’t know why. He even said to me he thinks he should go to a dr, but is too embarrassed. I cant help but feel a bit frustrated by this because he can see how it is affecting our relationship but doesn’t want to get any help. I believe that it’s probably not my fault but I cant help wanting to feel desirable and it is definitely an issue for me as I probably have a higher drive than average. I don’t really know what to do or how to help him, and its hard to pretend its not affecting me at all especially when he says it doesn’t really bother him.
Edit:
We did use to live together but we now live 3 hours apart however we do see each other every 11 days for about 4/5 days
He also says he feels depressed and I have encouraged him to get help but he hasn’t done anything to help himself. He says he’s depressed because he hates his job and quit and cant see me as often, which I understand.
4 comments
How was his sex drive previously? It may well be worth going to the doctor for some bloods/testosterone check. Absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about!
> He even said to me he thinks he should go to a dr, but is too embarrassed
Yeah so, I know he’s 19 so him being immature is actually age appropriate but regardless, what he’s basically telling you is that he’d rather wallow in his insecurity than to be pro-active in doing something that’s good for his health and *could* help with your relationship.
Him being 19 makes that a lot more understandable/defensible than if he were, say, 39 but regardless, the question you have to ask yourself is “why do I want to be in this?”
Sex at the start of a relationship is usually high since it’s the honeymoon phase so you really can’t judge a sex drive at the start. Does he have depression or any new stress in his life? That can affect libido.
Depression is absolutely a sex drive killer. I know, I have chronic depression. It took me until having several breakdowns in my late 20s to finally find my way to a proper medication. Self medicating will only prolong the inevitable decline.
There are several websites that help people who are too scared to approach this issue in person. Do a search and show him the website. Send him a link. I would have suffered for more years if my ex-wife hadn’t pushed me in the right direction. We depressed folk are suuuuuuuper stubborn, and absolutely need help finding that light at the end of the tunnel.
No shame in healing the brain.