Men of Reddit, given that men seem to have a tendency to become isolated loners, especially as they get older, how do you plan to combat this?

49 comments

  2. I kept my friends from middle school. The five of us have been friends for almost 3 decades now.

    Personally I picked up several social hobbies and volunteer. Combine that with church and I wish people would leave me alone for a bit except my bros, they can stay.

  3. I only need one companion. He’s loyal, loving, playful, always happy to see me, doesn’t talk my ear off or get involved in drama, eats what I eat and will fight along side me to the death. The best friend a man could ask for.

  4. I will embrace the suck.

    And hopefully somehow maintain the friends I already have cause I ain’t making new ones lol

  6. Naughty naughty, the negative description of a guy wanting to be single never seems to apply to a woman who prefers being on her own.

    When ladies do it they are strong, independent and empowered bit guys are sad loners it’s ridiculous double standards.

    I’ve a partner and have been with her 14 years but I have lots of friends male and female who are single who live full and rich lives with great social circles and hobbies.

    This mantra that you have to be with someone to be happy is one of the main reasons folks end up in unhappy relationships.

  8. i am older, single and have NO intention of a marriage or even a live in relationship and yet not alone, i still date and have friends. You do not have to completely isolate yourself or be a “loner”. We can be perfectly happy with with your life.

  9. By deliberately spending time with friends and family.

    For example yesterday I texted a friend about getting lunch. Could have just eaten alone like normal.

    You gotta live your life on purpose if you want it to go well.

  11. I don’t plan to. Name one place, thats not a drinking establishment, where its okay for men to approach a woman. Seriously. If you don’t drink, you have a career you take seriously, and your hobbies are things like working out, playing videogames and fishing, then its impossible to meet women. And no, I wont use dating apps, because all that happens there is large scale rejection, ghosting and poor mental health.

  13. I worked hard to become isolated. Why on earth would I want to undo all that by “combating” it?

    As others have mentioned: there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.

    If being isolated is not something you want, that is perfectly fine, everyone is different and therefore has different wants/needs in life, but the way this question was framed implies that anyone who prefers solitude is somehow defective.

  15. It seems to me that living to old age is not a good idea.

    I witnessed cancer destroy every semblance of quality of life my mother had and I witnessed my uncle lose his mind to old age.

    If at all possible, I’d like to avoid something like that.

  21. You combat this by living your life not being scared of this in the first place. Chase what fulfills you and take care of yourself.

  22. The last couple if years has shown me just how selfish and stupid some people can be.

    So Im looking at it as an opportunity.

  24. As men we just get real tired of peoples shit and constant demand from women so we retreat where we can at least have some peace.

  26. bold movement from your side to assume I’ll combat this, I’m happy with my hobbies and my way to have fun.

  28. using my passport with extra pages & visiting other ends of the Earth that isn’t north america…

  30. That’s been pretty much my whole life. I grew up somewhere i was a complete outcast and never managed to find good connections. I can keep trying to date and such but that’s unlikely to yield any decent results unless I drastically change my lifestyle and location (I live in a suburban area seemingly devoid of singles who aren’t complete train wrecks of human beings). So the best thing I can do is simply keep living my life and enjoying hobbies and such either on my own or with family or what few friends I have. Long term that leaves a few potential limitations, if my brother moved away I’d likely have to give up elk hunting for example (you have to be EXTREMELY fit to get an elk off the mountain solo). But most things work fine on my own.

  32. There’s a certain calm and serenity that comes with being alone. I consider myself very fortunate and choose to be alone.

  33. I don’t. I’m in my 20’s and currently just drinking and playing XBox in-between work. Might as well acquiesce now.

  34. Hey, why would I want to combat this if it so common and seems natural this way? Also there are reasons behind such behavior. Maybe most men dont want to be bothered?

  35. I don’t really think anyone has to combat it. Isolated loners is an awfully condescending term.

    I don’t think it’s always a bad thing because a lot of people just want peace by themselves after a traumatic experience and don’t need pity or to worry.

  36. “Men of reddit, you’re a problem. Knock it off!” is the kinda vibe I got from this

  37. I’m 50 years old so pretty set on my path. The thought of ever becoming a loner and isolating myself is not even on my radar, it isn’t an option I would allow my mind to entertain.
    Life fucks you up, this is true. I’ve had my share of heartache that’s for sure. You let that shit get in front of you it makes you want to be alone, don’t do that. Don’t give up on yourself.
    You can be whatever you want, you can reinvent yourself. Or, you can take the easy path and give up, not much nobility in that.

  38. I am pretty much an isolated loner already. And I’ve become one because, when you don’t like or respect yourself, you can’t expect anyone to do the same. I’ve been a couple years becoming someone my parents (and myself) can be proud of. Got back into studying, trying to build a career, doing exercise regularly, reading and listening to smart people, analyzing my own mind and past to fix all the bad stuff. It’s a slow process, it’s tortuous, and it gets lonely as fuck.

    But you know, I don’t wanna die without experiencing what true love feels like. I wanna be able to grow old besides someone who loves me back, to make each other better persons in this tough journey that’s life. I wanna be able to have children with them and feel what it feels to hold someone that’s 50% you and 50% your favorite person in the world, and I wanna be able to help turn that child into someone that can thrive while making this world into a better place. Guess you could say I wanna find out what it feels like to be human, to put it that way.

    I don’t know if I’ll ever meet someone that will even consider me as a suitable partner, but even if I don’t, I know I’ll break myself until I’m someone that can take care of his family, and then I’ll keep getting better. I know I’d surely want someone like that in my life, so there’s that. That’s where I put my hope. Gotta keep grinding.

  41. You call it ‘ a tendency to become isolated loners’, I call it a preference to live life enjoying my own company, and the company of a select few, the choice to do what I want, go where I want, whenever I want, the ability to save my money, spend it, or waste it on tat if I choose. To have girl friends, but not have to explain they’re not girlfriend’s. And to sit in my underwear in front of tv, eating junk food. If I choose 🥰🥰🥰

  43. Why should you have to combat it?

    I do whatever I enjoy in life. I am fully happy with my choices and the person I am. I am not afraid to be alone with my thoughts therefore this does not bother me. I rather be alone than be with people who make me feel alone

  46. Society made me a loner.

    I mean it’s like interviewing the Hunchback of ND or Frankenstein monster and asking them why their loners.

  47. “Isolated loner” is such a passive aggressive way of saying “Enjoying peaceful solitude”

    True contentment comes from within and it can take until your older years to realize and embrace it.

  49. >men seem to have a tendency to become isolated loners

    Strange way of saying men are used so much, that they learn to keep away from most users. But hey let’s go with that…

    I don’t plan on combatting this. I keep my circle small for many reasons. But all of those reasons support me being healthy, and protecting my peace.

    I will continue to improve however I can. Which includes reading self help books, talking with professionals, etc. But that’s just to get myself better as a person.

    If people come along, and are healthy people to have in my life, then great, my circle will grow. Otherwise, let it remain small.

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