I (F26) went to one of my close friends’ (M26) birthday party last night. I had an amazing time and got to see a lot of friends from high school that I haven’t seen in a while. When I was feeling sick after having too much to drink, I went upstairs to my friend’s room and after many attempts to find a charger to charge my dead phone, I finally decided to lay down at the foot of the bed. A while later, I noticed someone else is sleeping in the bed now. It’s pitch black dark and I thought it was one of my friends because who else would feel comfortable enough to climb into the bed with me? After I got up to pee, I peeked to see who it was and it was a guy I didn’t recognize, not even from the party. I go back to lay at the foot of the bed. He was knocked out cold and never bothered me, so I thought everything was fine, so I laid back down at the foot of the bed.
After I ran to the bathroom to puke in the middle of the night, I guess I woke him up. He was really kind and introduced himself and I did the same, then he offered me water and randomly asked me to slow dance. After spinning around in circles for a while, I tell him that I don’t feel well and I lay back down at the foot of the bed. All I remember after that point is being extremely exhausted and waking up to him on top of me. He was kissing me and rubbing all over me and putting his hands in my pants. I remember saying no and he would stop, I’d pass out again, and I’d wake up with him back on top of me. I was just so exhausted and I just kept saying no but he would keep doing it. My phone was still dead and no one else was around to help me or take me home.
I woke up this morning to him “dry” humping me while he was soaked in urine. I felt so disgusting and sobered up instantly. I grabbed a pair of basketball shorts, bagged my clothes up, showered, and made my way home. I called my friend and told him what happened and how uncomfortable his friend made me, and he apologized and said he would speak with his friend.
My boyfriend, however, is seeing red and doesn’t want to hear anything that anyone has to say about anything. He wants to speak with my friend about what happened and then he wants to find this guy and fight him. I’m super passive and non-confrontational, so I don’t want to cause any issues with anyone, but he’s already found my friend on social media and he’s reaching out to him to square everything away. I just want to let it go and move on, but he doesn’t and I don’t know what to do.
13 comments
You don’t need your boyfriend to defend your honor.
But you do need to file a police report against this guy.
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So you were sexually assaulted by someone you dont know and you just want to move on? Well to help with that you need to go file a police report and report that assault. You don’t need your Bf to square anything away with the guy, you need the authorities to do that, so he doesnt do the same thing to someone else.
Please file a police report. I used to hang out with a group of people where one of the guys seemed really nice (I’ll call him P)…but P was actually a sexual predator.
It was open knowledge among the inner circle of this group (the entire group was toxic for multiple reasons but it took me a while to realize it) but only discussed when P did something else that was sexual assault. Over the years he did many things to many women and as far as I know hasn’t faced ANY consequences. In fact there are other guys in the group that cosign his behavior and have also assaulted women (I was sexually assaulted by another individual in this group, and another friend of mine was assaulted by P). Please. PLEASE file a report, you may not be the only one who this guy has assaulted.
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OP, you’re the victim here, you decide what happens. You can file a police report, or not. You might want to speak to a therapist, or not.
If your BF cares about you, he’ll hold off getting himself into trouble for giving a random guy a black eye.
Commenters, those of you being all adamant that OP needs to file a police report, just take a minute to remember that very often women find that filing a police report is at least as traumatising as the SA: the police officers might not take her seriously, they might victim-blame (already someone has tried that right here), they might claim that actually she liked it, they might tell her that since the guy didn’t rip her virginity from her it doesn’t matter that much, they might tell her that she mustn’t ruin this bright young lad’s future just over minutes of action… it’s up to OP to decide if she’s strong enough to deal with all of that.
OP, if your BF cares about you he would be OK supporting you at the police station rather than going to beat the crap out of the abuser.
Why even put yourself in this position? You’re 26 and this isn’t good judgement on your behalf. Getting so drunk you can barely function? Why’d you even dance with this stranger to begin with?
You know people take advantage of others. You’re not 15.
Now you don’t want your boyfriend to do anything about the assault? You should want him to because if you don’t it’ll look suspicious in his mind. “He assaulted me but… don’t do anything about it. It’s a hassle.” If you don’t want to file anything fine, but you shouldn’t tell him not to since it starts to look like you secretly think you’d messed up and aren’t sure if it were assault or not and are afraid of creating false allegations.
I would dump you if I were your BF. You go out and get so drunk you pass out by yourself in a random house. You stay out all night and a stranger just happens to assault you. How many more times will you be “assaulted” given your lack of common sense and maturity? I wouldn’t put up with that drama and immaturity.
You go back to sleep with someone you dont know after waking up ? Then slowdancing with him ? The SA to the side, this alone makes you a cheater.
First: Sorry this happened to you. Second: you should at least go and file a police report, even if nothing comes of it. (It will certainly help put your boyfriend’s mind a little more at ease). Third: And I’m not saying this to victim blame you, but as a woman you should be more aware that you are far more likely to be raped than a man, and you should always be mindful of how much you drink and where your drink is at all times. NEVER accept a drink from anyone unless you’ve seen them handle it. I’ve had many female friends over my time on this rock be sexually assaulted, and it’s a very very hard thing to deal with — some of them were never able to move on. Please be more careful in the future and never put yourself into a situation like this ever again.
Your boyfriend is understandably upset (as he should be); the person he loves was hurt. But he needs to get himself under control (trust me, as much as I would love to see rapists dragged into the streets and beaten to death with sledge hammers, it’s not going to help anyone if he goes to jail due to our crappy and lax legal system). Maybe talking to your irresponsible friend whose party it was (this person IS partly responsible as this happened in his house) and he should know who the fuck was there, where they were at all times, and where people ended up when the party ended. If you, he, and everyone else parties so hard that you crash all over the place like a bunch of drunken teenagers… well, there’s probably no helping any of you. Might be time to grow up and distance yourself from people who can’t seem to control themselves around alcohol.
I think some of the people on this thread are being harsh, but I hope you will learn from this. Getting shit-faced at parties is always a bad idea.
Just wanted to inform the members of this subreddit currently reading the comments that OP had sent me this DM before blocking my account so that I couldn’t respond to comments any more.
***”Hope someone fondles you with a broomstick in your sleep until you bleed. ❤”***
Imagine claiming you were sexually assaulted only to send a private DM to someone hoping they get sexually assaulted (with a foreign object, mind you) because they didn’t take your comments (about how she messed up by getting blackout drunk) too well.
I strongly doubt on this basis that this girl was ever assaulted. She’s a liar and a cheater who tried to cover up her infidelity by claiming it was assault. She was afraid of bringing the law into this (because false allegations have consequences), so she’d asked her boyfriend repeatedly not to pursue her sexual assault case. How convenient.
No actual victim of sexual assault sends such a DM to someone. Best part? I have snapshot proof.
What in the everloving fuck is going on in this comment section