I 21m have been dating my gf 20f for 3 and a half years. Everything in our relationship is pretty good and she is a great girl but our sex life is lacking.
Although this is by far the best relationship I’ve been it’s also by far the worst sexual relationship I’ve been in. But I always looked past it because everything else was good and we have always got along really well. We rarely have sex, and when we do it’s always me initiating and doing most of the work. It really feels like a chore sometimes but I always oblige because I never know how long until she will actually even wanna have sex again.
About a month ago while working on some other issues in our relationship I brought up our sex life and how I would like for it to improve. She just chalked it up to us being busy and not really having any time which is true sometimes as we can both be busy but we definitely aren’t so busy that it’s become a once every month or so thing. We had sex that same night and haven’t again since then. I have honestly just stopped initiating sex and she doesn’t seem to mind.
As much as I love my girlfriend and want to make the relationship work i just feel like if things are like this now how bad will they be in the future? Will we even be having sex at all a few years from now, if we ever have kids will it just cease all together. I hear my friends talk about their sex lives with their girlfriends and how often they have sex, try new things etc and I sit there silent because they would probably get a good laugh knowing I am lucky to have sex twice a month at this point.
Is a bad sex life worth leaving a really good relationship for or is it not worth it at the end of the day?
2 comments
> Everything in our relationship is pretty good
Clearly not everything.
There’s a saying about sex — when the sex is good, it’s 10% of the relationship. When the sex is bad, it’s 90% of the relationship. You’re free to define “good” and “bad” however you want, but the point is that sexual incompatibility eventually comes to dominate the relationship. So yeah, it’s perfectly acceptable to consider it a dealbreaker. Sex is the one thing you’re (usually) not allowed to get from outside the relationship, so if your partner can’t or won’t meet your needs — won’t even try — it’d be best for both of you to move on.
It can be a dealbreaker if you want it to be. You’re the one who decides what’s a dealbreaker.