I f28 have a situation that I would like some feedback on. I have been with my bf m28 for 3 years. He is a good guy, has good qualities, treats me well, has a good job and own his own house, that I live in with him. He has talked about getting married, where he sees himself in 5 years time. All that said, he is too damn nice.

He volunteers his time with an organization (bbbs), if that is relevant. He loves my family, and they love him. My Mom and my friends all gush over him and constantly tell me how lucky I am that I have a good man. However, he is just not a man’s man. He dresses well, and reads all the time. He doesn’t like sports and rarely drinks. He is always so gentle with me, like when he comes home from work, he will give me a hug and ask me about my day, my family etc. sometimes I just want to scream at him to just grab me when he comes home and toss me around in the bedroom.

This brings me to his friend, who I will call Mike m32. Their friendship does not really make sense. Bf has a white collar job, he has a masters degree, Mike is a construction worker, has no degree, but he is fit and big and strong. He is a man’s man. He is rough around the edges and for the last 6 months, everyone in around him, I picture him just grabbing me and having his way with me. He is everything my boyfriend isn’t in ways that excite me.

This brings me to last weekend. We were out together with some other friends at a bar. I had been drinking all night and my bf wanted to go home. I kept telling him we would leave in a little bit and kept drinking. My bf was being really annoying and kept bringing me water and trying to kill the hood vibe. Mike kept offering me shots and I will admit I was being flirty with him. My bf was starting to get annoyed with me, and I finally told him he could just leave and go home, but I was staying. I just wanted Mike to pull
Me in the bathroom and I may have hinted to that effect. Mike just laughed and told me I was getting too drunk. One of my girlfriends told me I was being a bitch and needed to go home.

On one hand, I just want to have a guy that will be rough with me. I have told my bf that he needs to be rough in the bedroom and he is still way too gentle. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me. I have let him know that I don’t feel turned on when he will tell me about his volunteer efforts or he will come home and tell me about his work, or if he is feeling anxious about something. I just want him to be a man. I swear sometimes I feel like I’m in a relationship with a woman.

The other side is that I know he brings a house, financial security, he would probably be an okay dad. Do I give all this up because I want a husband who will actually be a manly guy. Like, come in the house and drink a beer after work. All this week my bf has been distant and colder to me, but I think he has mostly been okay with last weekend. I have multiple times thought about just sitting him down and asking to open our relationship so I can be satisfied sexually. Does anyone have any advice how to do that or should I wait until after we are married?

I would be okay with him finding a different women to do all the things he likes to do. Should I propose it like that, I’m sure he wouldn’t have trouble finding someone, he is decent looking. Should I ask Mike first, like if bf approves, can I ask him to be my first hookup? I wouldn’t want him for anything beyond the physical and sexual aspect.

My bf has said that he is strictly monogamous abs cheating is a deal breaker for him. Any tips for talking him into this?

11 comments

  2. You should absolutely make your thoughts clear to him. Tell him everything. Maybe even gave him read this post. If you can’t speak, a written message will work

    You are not being sexually satisfied or fulfilled. Ultimately, he should be concerned about your happiness.

  3. This has to be a troll post.

    Your contempt for your BF is jarring.

    You don’t get to define masculinity. There is nothing unmasculine about being educated, having a career, owning a home, or volunteering to help children. Communicating with your partner isn’t a feminine trait. The fact that he isn’t into rough sex doesn’t make him timid or weak. Sometimes personalities don’t match but that doesn’t mean that he has a flawed character. Your resentments aren’t fair, in fact they’re quite disgusting.

    You are an awful “partner.” You are unbelievably selfish and disrespectful. You treat your partner poorly. You got wasted and openly pursued his friend. You think somehow that he is denying you something by simply being who he is. You are extremely entitled. You already hate him and are moving to cheat, but you still want to get deeper into his pockets by marrying him. Gross.

    Why is this guy even with you? What are you bringing to the table? You are a parasite. He needs to delouse his life and find an actual partner, you know a real woman who is educated, kind, supportive, loving, and contributes financially.

  4. You are 28 and not married. If you are not satisfied in your relationship let him know and if it isn’t to your liking leave. Fuck that he is stable etc. You are not doing him or you any favors using him in this way by staying and not being happy.

    Most women won’t appreciate your bf till they are 40. Till then they want a Mike. Settling now would be a mistake that will just eat years of your life that you don’t want to give up. Go be single. Fuck who you want. When you are ready to settle down deal with your choices then. If you stay you will just fuck him over in the future when you have a house and kids and shit is real hard.

  5. You’re horrible. Would you rather he treated you like shit? You’re also quite happy to try and blow up his friendship. Really hope he reads this and kicks your ass out. Why do you assume Mike would take you up on it. He could have had you in the bar bathroom, classy by the way, but he laughed you off. Boyfriend deserves way better.

  8. I am scratching my head. Why have you wasted this poor man’s time, probably money, and emotional equity when you have clearly defined gender norms and or you prioritize animalistic and rough behavior as being masculine?

    I would look at that before producing men yourself who may be deeply affected by that.

    You want it rough? Then grow a pair. Cut yourself off from the emotional gravy train. Stop sucking off your fiance and live on your own. Cut communication with him. Pursue your rough guy with no trapeze wire.

  11. Please do this man a favour and end the relationship . He is caring , attentive , well educated , hard working and clearly adores you . Yet all you do is put him down . There are people out there searching for a partner with qualities like this and yet you take him for granted . You get plastered and make a fool of yourself and call him annoying for bringing you water to make sure you’re okay. If he’s monogamous like you say he is and you’re looking for an open relationship it isn’t going to work out . I hope he’s the kind of guy that sticks to his boundaries and doesn’t feel pressured into an open relationship just to make you happy

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