I (F, mid 20s) have been in a relationship for around 4 years with my boyfriend (M, mid 20s). A few weeks ago, he broke up with me. I’m still not fully understanding why, but the gist of it is that he wants to be a better, happier person and that he wasn’t happy in the relationship because he felt he couldn’t do what I needed.
After the breakup, he asked if we could remain in contact in hopes that he could work things out and then we could regroup. Initially I said yes because I didn’t want things to end. We continued to chat as normal and saw each other, as if nothing had happened. I was hopeful it was just a blip but I soon realised we were pulling the wool over our eyes.
Reality kicked in and I realised that we needed to go no-contact for him to work out what he wants, and so that’s what I suggested. I knew he was trying to ignore the elephant in the room. He agreed, and said he’d speak to me in the future.
However, I said to him that he could take all the time he needs to work out what he wants and I’ll be here when he’s ready. Now I realise I have no idea when I’ll hear from him, or whether I’ll hear something positive or if it’s the end. I feel like I’ve set back my own healing because now i have to sit and wait when I should have set a boundary. Could I be months into 2023 to hear an answer? That would be awful!
I would like things to work out, for context. Should I reach out and tell him a timeframe? Should I assume it’s the end and tell myself I won’t hear back?
3 comments
Renewed love is like re-heated potatoes. They are an acquired taste.
Also, you never know what a new day brings. While you may be thinking now that you would like things to work out more often than not people just move on with their lives. I am not saying you should stop contacting each other but you need to think about yourself first and foremost.
Just because your message implied you would wait for him, does not mean that you now have to wait for him. Feeling like you need to do this is your own internal struggle to move on. Personally, I think a good way to think about this is the fact that your previous relationship is gone and the person you thought you knew is no longer there. Even if he reaches back out, the situation will be different. So no matter what, you have to move on from what you previously had.
You don’t owe him anything, and by that, I mean you are allowed to change your mind. I’m sure deep down you would like to do what is best for him to come back, but right now it would be safer to admit to yourself that you actually don’t know what it would take for that to happen. I know you are hung up by your words but to be honest he is out there living a single’s life regardless of what you have said.
It’s not really about timeframes and open communication because feelings aren’t logical. He just doesn’t like you enough for a relationship. And you should only date people that are interested in you. I think that’s that the least you can do for yourself.