I work in a pretty high pressure and technical environment. I am a women in stem. I have been elevated to a leadership role that is far more people facing than my previous work as an individual contributor.
I am realizing that I come off as a huge bitch. People mention to me often “you sound anxious” or “you sound angry”… even when I feel like aim being happy and fine. I’ve had people echo my words in a room get thanked for taking positive mindsets but that feedback rarely comes my way.
It’s incredibly frustrating. I know this is a complaint I have heard from women in technical roles in the past but I’m struggling with trying to reinvent the wheel and come across as more friendly.
I try to relate to people. I say thank you. I am empathetic to their needs…. All I can think of is that my voice is just annoying or always sounds angry or something.
Is vocal training something that is possible? Is there other ways to come across as less of a bitch?
1 comment
Not in STEM, but also a woman in a high-pressure environment. I agree there is something to the tone or forcefulness of your voice that’s the issue.
It might help if you approach everyone as one of your *uncles or aunts* before you speak your first sentence. If you’re not close with any of them, then think of an older family member who is not your parent/grandparent (you are still a leader thus my not suggesting those people in your life.)
I would hope you when you address an uncle or aunt of yours, your tone of voice is calm and respectful. That’s the tone that needs to accommodate the substance of your words and empathetic behavior in order for both to be heard/appreciated. If a favorite professor comes to mind then then even better because your tone of voice would capture a bit of enthusiasm. (And be extra-mindful of your tone if stressed. If your tone is a problem when you’re actually *fine* then it would make sense your tone is much worse when you’re not.)