My gf and I been together for 2 years, we were both each others first. I’ve always tried to be the best i can be. But a few days ago she told me she was curious of the single life, due to what people told her and she is now unsure about the relationship. Her friends are the type of “wild friends” thats why i don’t think it comes from her, because it didn’t seem something she would think.
I told her that she should really take her time as i thought it was normal to be curious, but it did hurt my feelings.
I dont know what to do since I dont want to lose her.
40 comments
Let her go, but then don’t call or text or visit first. Let her come to you. Not to be mean or anything but to show her that if she asks for time/space you have no problem giving it cause you care about her. But also don’t be afraid to meet new friends on your own . You may find you like the new way also. Good luck!
Oooo
You need to make it clear to your gf if she goes with single life you will not be in her life anymore and it will be like
“You died to her”
It won’t really be that way but at the same time it will
She probably thinks you will still be there as an emotional blanket
Unfortunately, there’s not much you can really do. You cannot make decisions for other people.
The only thing you can do is have the self-respect to reject her when she realizes how cheap and unfulfilling hook-up “culture” is.
It takes ZERO effort for a woman to have an abundance of casual sex – only consent.
You can do better.
Her friends are whispering shit in her ear about you and she’s listening. This is the canary in the coal mine to get your affairs together and prepare for the relationship to end. If she’s not stepping out now, she will be soon. Pay close attention and be ready to dump her when you catch her.
Her friends are no doubt playing a large part in this. Likely they are talking about all their hookups and how wild things get in the bedroom. If she is curious about this, at least she respects you enough to come to you.
But the grass is always greener on the other side. If she is the type of woman to enjoy a 2 year relationship at her age, she likely values stability, and demonstrably appreciates honesty and communication. Good luck getting that in the single hook-up life.
My advice to you is have a final sit down. Talk to her, and ask what she thinks the relationship is missing that single life can provide? What can be changed in your relationship if she decides to stay with you? Because clearly she isn’t totally happy with the relationship, perhaps she wants to get more creative in bed, and you can solve it?
But if she goes down the path of breaking up, do it friendly enough, but make clear you will go No Contact afterwards… AND STICK TO IT! Part of this is I am sure she is thinking “Well if I don’t like it, I can always win Moist Belt back after trying it out for a bit”. Do not provide her this backup plan. Do not provide her with a rock to return to. If she makes this decision, make clear there is no turning back.
And honestly if she seems uncertain about staying, I’d still break up. If she can’t seem to 100% commit to you after the discussion, move on. You are young, and you can find someone who won’t be wondering what it’s like to fuck a different dude every other week.
She’s curious about fucking around with random people. That’s not normal while being in a committed relationship.
Dude- if there is anything I’ve learned in life- is it’s the things we never want that actually set us free- if she wants to be single- let her be. You’ll find someone worthwhile.
You’re going to lose her. May as well do it on your terms. Cut her loose. And never take her back.
It is already over. At least, she is being polite about it.
Brace yourself for impact.
The fact she’s open and communicating about these things is good.
But ultimately, you don’t want to find yourself in the position of doing the “pick me” dance.
What this means is, you sit down – recognize your value, and regardless of how much you love this woman, and have no desire to lose her – a relationship is two people meeting in the middle giving 100% to making a successful partnership.
If she’s turning up with only 50%, heck even 90% – it’s not going to work, and you’re not going to settle for it.
You’re worth more than someone having 1 foot out of the relationship, so don’t accept anything less than 100%.
I’d say it’s normal and human to potentially have your curiousities perked.
Especially when you’re young, and even more so when your friends are also exploring the single life.
But that doesn’t mean you should stick around, or let her entertain it.
You are a reflection of the friends you keep. If they are wild party trash, then she usually is too. She is either
Going
To
Cheat or break up with you. It’s over. Sorry
If my partner told me that she’s unsure of our relationship because she wants to fuck other people then I’m not gonna stick around for her to make that decision
Let her go bro. I’ve been there twice. It’s a bittersweet/vengeful feeling when they try to come back. And she will. Just shut it down.
r/teenagers
Her friends are encouraging her to do this so she has a “sexual variety”. Meaning they want her to experience sex with other men since you were each other’s first. They are encouraging her to find better sexual partners. I’d break up and let her do her thing, when she’s ready to come back, reject her and tell her she made her choice
How old are yall?I’m assuming 18-20. Not everyone is ready to commit to the first person. There also may be some major compatibility issues longterm.
I wouldn’t blame her friends, she’s done some reflection and realized it isn’t working anymore.
Birds of a feather flock together.
You can both love her and realize she isn’t a good partner.
and it’s not your job to fix her insecurities about wanting to be a party girl and enjoy the single life.
Set her free.
and don’t take her back when she crawls back to you in a couple of months.
You don’t want to lose her but she doesn’t care about losing you. Let her go and spare yourself the misery man.
I’m gonna take the role of blunt internet man, leave man. I know the thought of losing someone is hard, but she has expressed she isn’t devoted to you or else the single life wouldn’t interest her. Not your fault tho, remember it’s in a snakes nature to bite.
From experience, I was with my ex fiancé for 6 years at this point in time when she brought up going on a break because she wanted to explore her sexuality and had never been single before as an adult. I was codependent and also was terrified of losing her and didn’t end things. 2 years later she broke up with me, then I find out she was cheating for 6 months prior.
Save yourself the pain bro.
She’s not gonna take her time and make a sensible decision with so many people in her ear telling her what she wants to hear. If her breaking up with you at some point soon causes you pain or looming anxiety just bite the bullet now and give her what she wants.
Be glad she at least told you. Wether that was out of some form of affection she might still have for you or she was just thinking out loud and softly breaking up with you, be glad you aren’t getting blindsided with this and can make an informed decision.
Remember that people with “wild friends” that somehow seem grounded themselves associate with people like that for a reason if you want to potentially avoid this situation in the future.
Just be ready…. you’ll be “on a break”, she’ll get around town like the #4 bus, and them come crawling back when she realizes random hookups don’t care about her outside of the bedroom.
This is a tale as old as time, of people like this that want to go out and fuck the world. It almost always ends the same way.
Your choice in the moment is do you want to wait around to be her back-up plan, or do you want to move on? If you do decide to be a back-up plan, make sure she gets an std test once she comes back (an actual test, you need to physically see the results yourself, don’t take her word on it).
FREE ADVICE——— Get Out before YOU GET DUMPED , while shes exploring the Single Life ! Sounds like she has Already Checked out of your Relationship ! She has an ITCH that needs to be scratched ! It’ll get Worse the Longer you hang around !
I would just leave now. Odds are against you. I realized in the early stage (less than three years, and I’m assuming younger in age) you can’t beat family/friends. They put ideas in their head. I pay attention very closely ro both.
She already told you she’s unsure. Now she’s just waiting for the guy to push her to it. Sucks but cut your losses and find someone more wanting to settle down.
This is shit she should have been thinking at 3-6 month line to decide. Two years in there shouldn’t be uncertainty in what she wants.
If you continue she’s going to keep second guessing until you’re left behind.
Keep your calm and leave her then then she’ll realize she fucked up and try crawling back to you but dont let her
Time to move on, bro! The writing is on the wall!
It’s really just a question of her values and respect for you. If that’s what she really wants, cut your losses and let her go, otherwise she’ll just resent you later in life for “holding her back” and ruin your family with her affairs.
If she’s just curious but not interested, show her how that lifestyle has worked out for older women who gave their best years to strangers in nightclubs instead of their husbands. If she’s legit relationship material, she’ll see how foolish it is.
It’s your first relationship. Those very rarely work out in the long term. It’s a time for learning about the other but also yourself and what you want from future relationships and what you want from “the one”. The thing you do know is that you want something serious and she wants to fuck around. Both of those are legit, but don’t expect to be able to put a band aid on this.
Also the commentators shaming her and putting women in the gutter are sad.
Yeah, this stuff can hurt.
You guys are young (I know you’ve heard that before, but stay with me for a minute.) That’s not to say your feelings for her aren’t real (they are), or that her’s for you aren’t real (they are).
But when we are in our teens and early 20s, so so much changes about us. We learn new things about the world and ourselves daily. The person you were at 14 isn’t the person you are at 18, and won’t be the person you are at 22. And that isn’t a bad thing! We learn, we grow. We make mistakes, we have new victories we’ve never had.
All of this is to say that yes, she might be changing in what she wants. And that isn’t a reflection on you as a bad boyfriend. She has some things she might want to discover about herself. And hey, it least she is being open with you in talking about this, and not going around behind your back (which is what 90% of the posts in this sub are.)
It’s ok that it hurt your feelings. And it’s ok that she might want something else. What you can do is give her space, but ask for a reasonable time frame to decide what is going on with you guys. She can take some time to soul search, but she doesn’t get to leave you hanging for a month.
And kudos to you for giving her that space. It says a lot that you can be confident enough to give her that, even when your feelings are hurt. Maybe she’ll see that and want to stay with someone who supports her emotional journey. And if she doesn’t, well, there’s a lot of cool women out there that would kill for a guy who’s emotionally supportive. My best to you.
Don’t take it personally, it has happened to almost every single guy. My ex told me she wanted to “have new experiences” and we broke up on the spot after discussing it. Just don’t make the mistake of being available to her when she wants to get back together. That shit can get toxic. I will say she could change her mind and stick with you, but tbh if she’s bringing this up in conversation then she’s been thinking about it for a while.
Given the nature of her “friends”, I’m not surprised that she’s curious what that lifestyle would be like. Perhaps she’s not able to see the downside to that lifestyle, as her friends are ignoring or are unaware of the potential downsides, such as a lack of true connection, other than sexual, with guys. Another potential downside is the danger of contracting STDs or accidentally becoming impregnated by a guy that has no emotional connection with them. You should tell her that she can have continual dates with a variety of men, and still be as lonely as a female that’s an ugly duckling, and after a while will come to wish she was back in relationship with you, but, at that point, you will have moved on.
The last thing you should do is to give her “permission” to sow her wild oats until she realized the truth I’ve listed above, as you must maintain your self respect. If she’s insistent on finding out for herself if the “fun life” suits her or not, then turn her loose to do so, as you really can’t prevent her from doing so in the first place.
However, when you turn her loose, you’ve also cleared the decks to seek out a female whose friend groups aren’t riding the carousel, and that value the personal and emotional relationship of a mature, self assured man.
I wish you well.
What she means to say is she misses the attention from other men dump her
Gathering from context, you guys are teenagers?
Sorry, but I’m not surprised she wants to live life as her own person for a bit. Having a two year relationship is very impressive still. I would remember that a relationship ending doesn’t necessarily mean it failed.
Stop doing anything and everything for her. No sex, back rubs, ignore her, no texts, no eye contact.
See if she likes it?
She’s already gone
She just wants to sleep around. No matter what she says now, you’ll always know she’s thinking of other men and being without you.
It’s time to break up with her. You deserve someone that’s absolutely sure they want to be with you. Self respect here is at play.
When I was in college I had the same feelings. I had been with my current bf for so long (he’s my longest relationship) that I started to feel like I was missing out. I think I was 20 or so and o felt like I was missing out on opportunities.
LMAO but my friends, the single ones, had their fun but were also very candid about the bar being in hell. IF I had broken up with my bf I would’ve gone out looking for the exact person I was already with.
The question your gf has to answer is what is her motivation for this. Is she trying to explore her options, hook up with ransoms, or does she want a serious partner (which it sounds like she already has).
Ultimately, you can’t make the decision for her. But you can take this time to figure out what your motivation for your current relationship is. What do you want from your relationship?
Op, she doing the right thing by bringing her concerns to you before cheating. Her curiosity will only grow and the more you struggle to keep her the more her interest in what it would be like to get under someone else will grow. Many women refuse to acknowledge even to themselves that sex is the root of their ambivalence. They may only admit to more generalized curiosities, new people, new friends, new places, etc. I comes back to the same thing. It’s too bad that your needs and desires don’t coincide anymore. It’s painful and it’s sad. But don’t play the game of making her choose. She may hate the thought of hurting you, but the pull of the unknown dick will not go away. Honor her honesty. Face the facts, Cry your tears and move on.
If your GF is talking like this, she’s already mentally checked out of the relationship.
She’s gone.