I (26m) have been with my gf (23f) for about 2 years now.
Last year we went to a party with our work colleagues and at first it was going really well then later in the night one of the girls we work with was crying on her own. I asked her what was wrong and sat with her for a bit. After talking for a bit she tried to kiss me. I pulled away and nothing happened. I went and told my gf what happened and she kicked off shouting at both of us and she told me that we were over because I’d cheated. We spoke things through the next day and sorted things.
Today is a year since the party, I didn’t realise but my gf got a Facebook memories since she’d put photos up so told me. I didn’t really wanna talk about it then she just said “yeah it’s a year since you cheated on me” I just walked out and didn’t talk to her. She kept asking me what’s wrong and I just told her it hurt to hear her say that since I’d never cheated and she knows this.
She storms off saying it was only a joke and I shouldn’t get upset since she forgave me.
Tl;dr someone tried to kiss me a year ago, told my gf straight away and now she’s making digs about it today. Did I overreact by going quiet and getting upset?
8 comments
You are understandably upset because that joke insinuates her lack of faith in you which you find HELLA disheartening. Tell her to cut it out
I think it’s natural to feel upset to be accused of cheating when you didn’t. It sounds like your reaction was a combination of shock that she’s still hanging on to this idea that you cheated and not wanting to start a fight.
Sounds like something you need to have a conversation about.
No, you did not overreact. She is blaming you for another person’s behavior and acting like you did something wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong and your being wrongly accused. I don’t normally say this OP I’m all for doing everything to try to work through realtionships before calling quits but this behavior is literally crazy… Run.
Ok bear with me here bro this takes a minute to share/contextualise for the benefit of your consideration in a future convo with your partner and might help solve this kind of stuff happening again.
Sooo a few years back I dated a girl who had insecurity issues to the point she accused me of sleeping with the mutual friend who we met through.
She couldn’t accept the fact that if I choose to be with someone it is 100% monogamous, nor would I ever cheat on a partner. If I was even thinking about sleeping with someone else I would break up with them first, heal and then pursue something new if such was my path.
The point is she couldn’t hear me or listen because she was insecure as hell even with my every reassurance.
I firmly believe in open and direct communication and to me perving isn’t a strictly sexual activity it is more noticing something you appreciate in a random stranger, I also don’t think it is unhealthy to share as a kind of people watching experience together especially when its something like a unique hairstyle and can give either of you style tips to try out.
I also firmly believe in speaking kindly of people who are actually nice whether male or female and one of my overseas cousins had married someone who demonstrated being a super nice person, saying so does not equate to, ‘now I want to bang them’, however, lo and behold it was sure misintepreted and used as a point of argument. Needless to say when you are in a situation that you are labelled without evidence the relationship will end in a matter of time. I was not aware of other potential causes at the time hence sharing the salient point finally in the next paragraph!
I believe when this kind of thing happens sometimes it is due to some kind of broken trust in childhood and it can be as simple as first day of school their parent made them feel abandoned and they fixated on that moment.
So maybe when you explain to her how you feel about the whole situation it might be worth asking about that too
She never healed from her previous BF cheating on her, and now her trauma is spilling onto your relationship.
Is she in counselling?
Because it sounds to me like she should.
how is it a joke when she goes to say you shouldn’t be upset cause she forgave you already? forgave you for what exactly, for not cheating and doing the right thing?
Forgave you for what? Declining someone’s advances?
You didn’t. Sounds like your girlfriend has a crap sense of humor and trouble letting non-issues go.