So, basically, my sister first met this guy when she was ten and he was sixteen, and pretty much all our lives, he’s been an older brother figure to the two of us. Our families are very close, and we grew up going over to each other’s place a lot.
I recently found out that she’s been dating him the past few months, and they’ve been in a relationship since before her nineteenth birthday, so when she was (18F) and he was (25M).
I haven’t talked to her much after finding out, but I feel so weird about the whole situation. For me, generally this age gap wouldn’t be too big of an issue, but it’s the fact that she has known him since she was a little kid that makes me feel weird about this. He watched her grow up, and now they’re pursuing a romantic relationship??
It’s becoming hard for me to come to terms with this, and I was hoping on some insight from other people if this is normal, or if I’m being unreasonable in feeling this way.
TLDR, lil sister is dating a guy 6 years older, who has pretty much watched her grow up.
4 comments
Its not normal but short of locking her in a tower aint much you can do about it besides help her keep an eye out for red flags and a safe path back out
This is an… unconventional situation, but I don’t think it’s necessarily predatory behavior. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to date an 18 year old when I was 25, so that does make me raise my eyebrows a little bit. He’s probably already entered the work force at this point, and she can’t even legally enter a bar yet. It’s hard to imagine what they would have in common as a couple. I doubt that this relationship will last.
Nevertheless, your sister is an adult now. She can make her own choices, for better or worse. Overall, the main thing you want to be concerned about here is abusive behavior. If you notice that he’s isolating her from you or other family members who care about her, that’s a bad sign. If you notice her self-esteem drop, that’s a bad sign. If he escalates the situation quickly, say by trying to move her to another city in the near future, then that’s a bad sign. Keep your eye out for that stuff. If there isn’t any abuse or manipulation happening, though, then I don’t see why there’s any cause for concern.
The best thing you can do is just remind your sister that you’re there for her, and that she can always talk to you about anything. Make it clear that you are a safe person to talk to about *anything*. That way, if something is wrong in this relationship, she knows she can reach out to you.
>I was hoping on some insight from other people if this is normal, or if I’m being unreasonable in feeling this way.
Not normal, I’m squicked out and I don’t even know them.
Unfortunately, if you address this with your sister, she probably won’t listen, and might feel the need to hide any relationship problems from you in the future. The best thing you can do is let her know you’re there for her (she will probably need you down the line) and maybe find a way to encourage her towards therapy. (Perhaps by saying that it’s generally benefited you or someone you know, rather than saying she needs it, specifically. Defensiveness can be very strong.) Keep your eyes open for any signs of abuse. (I hope you won’t see any, of course.)
I feel it’s unusual that they have grown up together and now dating, but I started dating my boyfriend at 19 with the same age gap. Years on we are still in a relationship now! As she gets older the age gap will matter less and all you can do is see how it goes